Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.
~Warren Buffett~
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Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.
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Q: Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't fit 8 quarts of water in that tiny little packet.
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A farmer is walking with a prospective buyer when they see a beautiful pig in the yard, except it has a wooden leg. The buyer asks, "Why the wooden leg?" The farmer replies, "That pig is so smart, I let it drive the kids to school."
"Great, but why the wooden leg?"
"The pig is so smart it has a degree in horticulture and philosophy."
"Amazing! But why the bloody wooden leg?"
"Well when you have a pig that smart you don't eat it all at once!"
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Q: What did the grape say when it was stepped on?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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Did you hear the joke about the butter?
I don't think I should tell you because you might spread it around...
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A disciple went to his master and said, "I have served you faithfully for ten years. Now I have a wish: give me something to eat which will never end." His master said, "Here, have some chewing gum."
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Wife: I just bought a cured ham.
Husband: Really? What disease did it have?
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Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean beef.
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A guy is going on an ocean cruise and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting seasick. The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.'' The guy replies, ''Will that keep me from getting sick, Doc?'' The doctor says, "No, but it'll look really cool in the water.''
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Q: What is crazy and walks along the sides of buildings?
A: A walnut.
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Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he always made his own lunch!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's FRIDAY!! A nuther great weekend is about to pull into the station.
I hope you've got your ticket punched before boarding.
Well I burned my lawn mower up today.
It wasn't the heat, I'm just tired of mowing.
I said to myself, I'm 66 years old and I'll be damned if I'm going to spend my precious time doing something that I hate doing, so I did, I took some gasoline and I burned that sucker up.
In hindsight that might not have been a great idea.
Mowing with a weedeater will take a little bit longer.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe