“If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.”
–
~Bill Murray~
Quality Shower Thoughts | Part 6It’s impossible to write "slaughter" without "laughter"
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Are people saying you’re short? They’re really saying it’s a pity there isn’t more of you
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It will be super easy for those born in the year 2000 to state their age.
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Do vampires drink blood in order to get vitamin D because their vampirism doesn’t allow them to go in the sun which would produce vitamin D?
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What if humans are the true pets and cats have trained us to give them food and scratch them?
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“Where are you?” is a question that’s never been asked in sign language.
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That moment when you switch off the light in the cellar and then run out as if the hounds of Hell were at your tail.
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My lips don't touch when I say the word 'touch'. My lips do touch when I say the word 'separate'.
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My right elbow is and will remain untouched by my right hand.
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Every single thing in this world is either a motorbike or not a motorbike.
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Will lots of fat friends make me look thinner?
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Prunes are dried-up plums. So prune juice doesn’t really exist.
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People laugh that an elephant would be scared by a mouse. But think how most people react to spiders.
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Firetrucks should really be called watertrucks.
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Belt is the most disgusting item of clothing. People always touch it right after they’ve used the bathroom, but nobody ever washes it.
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Why does every numeric keypad contain a Num Lock? I’ve never come across a situation where I would benefit from turning off my numeric pad…
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Why can’t we have toothpaste in soap dispensers?
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Maybe the reason you think your washing machine is only eating single socks is that you wouldn’t really notice if it ate a whole pair.
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No-one has ever been in an empty room.
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The feeling when your socks are soaking wet must be similar to what it feels like for a cat to get its fur wet.
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Every 130 years, the Earth is inhabited by a totally new set of humans.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Maybe not, but it WAS a cold and rainy day.
I spent most of the morning on the couch rolled up in a blanket.
I didn't make it through the afternoon so easily.
I got my groceries, worked out, and cut my hair, so it was at least a little productive.
Missy is not a fan of this weather at all, poor little girl.
We're not scheduled to see any sunshine until Saturday or Sunday.
Have a warm happy dry day everyone. If that's not possible just fake it.
joe
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