Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
-
~Anonymous~
```````````
Husband and Wife Jokes | Part 2
Best first: "You're not fat darling, you’re just… very easy to see."
```
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised to hear it.
````
Q: Why did God create Adam first and Eve as second?
A: Because he wasn’t interested in listening to anyone telling him how to make Adam.
````
A boy asked his father, "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father grimly replied, "I wouldn’t know son, I'm not done paying yet."
````
A mother thinks there’s something strange going on and eventually decides to take a DNA test.
She finds out that their child is actually not related to her or her husband at all.
Wife: "Darling, there’s something really important that we need to talk about. I did a DNA test and Roger isn't our biological child."
Husband: "Of course he isn’t, don’t you remember? We were just leaving the hospital and the baby pooped hugely so you told me, ‘Go and change the baby, I’ll wait here.’”
````
I haven’t spoken a word to my wife in years. She hates to be interrupted.“
````
When a woman asks if you think she’s fat, just say, “Hang on, I’ll just walk over to your front side.”
````
Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today Mr. Brundy, isn’t it your
mother-in-law’s funeral today?”
“Well you know how it is. Business before pleasure.”
````
Mom, what does the stork do once he’s delivered the baby?
He lies on the couch, drinks beer, watches TV, burps and passes gas.
````
85% of married life consists of yelling "what?" from the other side of the house.
````
“What the hell, are you insane?!”
„What? Why? I thought we agreed we’re going to throw our sorrows overboard on this Caribbean cruise!”
“Yes, Roger, but that was my mother!”
````
A neighbor comes to Mr Myer and says, “Your dog bit my mother in law!”
Mr Myer is horrified and apologizes, adding sadly, “You’ll probably be wanting financial recompense, won’t you?”
“Absolutely not!” smiles the neighbor, “I’d like to buy the dog!”
````
She: "Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on."
He: "But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses."
She: "I'm talking about my glasses."
````
When a woman says something like “Do what you want” – seriously dude, don’t do what you want. Stand still as a statue. No blinking. Play dead.
````
I heard people say you can’t live without love.
-
I still think oxygen ranks higher.
````
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.
The husband is surprised, "Wow, that was quick - usually you women are at it for two hours at least!"
"Yeah, well, it was a wrong number."
````
A man simply doesn’t have a clue what real happiness is until he gets married.
But then it’s already too late for him.
````
My wife told me to go and get something that would make her look sexy. So I got drunk.
````
Quote:
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman
````
Good morning everybuddy.
If yesterday was Wednesday, I'm pretty sure this is the next one.
Unless I set my watch back too far. This might actually be Wednesday.
I don't really care. Whatever day it was, it was a nice day.
I couldn't figure out anything cool to do, so I started Spring cleaning.
Yup
I cleaned in the house, I cleaned in my storage shed, and I cleaned Pepper's penthouse.
Couldn't have picked a better day. It was very overcast and in the low 60s.
We had major storms last night, and had a tonn of rain dumped on us. I drove over to check out the creek and it's at flash flood stage.
I hope that same rain drifted over the sod farm.
Now all I have to do is find a good day to get out. The temperature will be in the 40s and 50s the rest of the week. Probably the rest of the year.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Was the burglar caught? There was a burglary in one of the stores I visited yesterday, but I just missed it. The police were outside when I got there, and one of the employees said the guy started punching people and trying to run, even though he was cornered. He must have thought he was in a movie. 
Everyone have a super day and happy gaming.. 
