There are three kinds of people in this world: those who make things happen; those who watch things happen; and those who wonder what the hell happened. -
``````````` Little Johnny Jokes | Part 2
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll have kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny: “Oh mom, do you realize what you just said?”
Teacher: It’s the fourth time you’re late for school this week Johnny! Do you know what that means?!
Little Johnny: That it’s Thursday, Miss Bramwell.
After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, “You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?”
Little Johnny offers, "Miss, it’s so we wouldn’t wake all those people sleeping."
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, “Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?”
Little Johnny smiles proudly, “No Miss, there’s no need, my mom cooks really well.”
A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, "Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny knowledgeably. "It's just like with Santa Claus. I know he's really my dad."
Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: “I didn’t had no fun for months.” Then she faces the class and says, “OK class, how should this be corrected?”
Little Johnny says, “I think you should get yourself a better man!”
I asked little Johnny, 'What would you like for your birthday?'
He said, 'Tampons please.'
I said, 'Tampons!? Why do you want tampons for your birthday!?'
He replied, 'I saw a great TV ad. With a tampon you can go swimming, biking and skiing.'
Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. She says, “Johnny, if I hear one more time ‘Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that’, you will be in big trouble! I don’t want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Now off to bed you go!” There’s a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, “Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please.”
Teacher asks Little Johnny, “Johnny, how old is your father?”
“He’s as old as me,” Johnny informs her.
“Now how would that be possible?” inquires the surprised teacher.
“Well – he became father the day I was born.”
Little Johnny is making faces at school. The teacher catches him at it and says, “You know when I was little and made faces, my dad told me a secret. And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally can’t go back and you end up really ugly.”
Little Johnny quiets and says, “Well, at least you were warned…”
Teacher: “If you had two dollars and you asked your daddy for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in the end?”
Without hesitation, Johnny answers, “Two dollars.”
Teacher isn’t happy, “Come on, Johnny, you don’t know how to count.”
Johnny shrugs, “Maybe, but I do know my dad!”
Teacher asks his class one day, “What would you like to be when you grow up?”
Johnny answers first, saying, “I will follow in my father’s footsteps and become a policeman.”
Teacher raises his eyebrows, “Johnny, I didn’t know your father is a policeman.”
“Well, he isn’t,” explains Johnny. “He’s a thief.”
During an English lesson, the teacher asks, "Can anyone give me an example for the word ‘COINCIDENCE’?”
Little Johnny volunteers, "Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day."
Little Johnny comes proudly to his mom: “Mom, I’ve got a great idea for an invention!”
Mom: “Cool, tell me.”
Johnny: “It’s a computerized hair-cutting machine. You put your head in a cube and the scissors cut whatever hairstyle you wish.”
Mom: “But how would that work, Johnny? People have all sorts of different head shapes and sizes!”
Johnny: “Only before hand, mom. Only before!”
Teacher: Tell us, Johnny, where is your father staying on business?
Johnny: In Vishakhapatnam.
Teacher: How interesting. And now tell us all how it is spelled.
Johnny: Oh, I just remembered he got reposted to Goa.
Good morning everyboomie.
Today.....is the day after the day before Wednesday.
I guess that would make it the 28th of November.
All I know about it is that the Texans kicked some major booty last night. Eight in a row...
Now on the day after the day after Tuesday I'm hoping the Cowboys will do some of the same said booty kicking.
I'm getting dizzy.
Have a happy day everyone.
Pick any one you want.