Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
~Khalil Gibran~
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Funny News Headlines Something Went Wrong in Plane Crash, Expert Says
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges!
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
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More Funny Newspaper Headlines - With Subtitles Miner Refuses to Work after Death
[That-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so!]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a man!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste just like chicken?]
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Amazing, True, Naughty But Hilarious Newspaper StoryOutside Bristol Zoo is a car park, with spaces for 150 cars and 8 coaches. It has been manned 6 days a week for 23 years by the same charming and very polite car park attendant with a ticket machine. The charges are £1 per car and £5.per coach. [$1.60 and $8.12 USD]
Apparently on Monday 1st June, he did not turn up for work. Bristol Zoo management phoned Bristol City Council to ask them to send a replacement parking attendant. The Council told Zoo, 'That car park is your responsibility.'
The Zoo replied, 'The attendant was employed by the City Council... wasn't he?'
The Council said, 'What attendant?'
Gone missing from his home is a man who has been taking daily the car park fees amounting to about £400 per day [$650 USD] for the last 23 years.
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More, Strange and Funny Newspaper HeadlinesUnknown source: Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung.
Unknown source: Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
Aberdeen Evening Express: At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. Rescue by a man on an inflatable lobster
Chattering teeth headline
The Times: A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common.'
The Daily Telegraph: Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North-west Gas said 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.'
BBC news online: Researchers at Leicester University discovered that playing songs such as Simon and Garfunkel's 'Bridge Over Troubled Water', and popular 1950s standard 'Moon River' to cows succeeded in relieving tension - and boosting milk yields.
De Groene Amsterdammer: A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders [about $240USD] for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a 'four-legged flame-thrower' and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay. Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000USD.The cow was unharmed.
Manchester Evening News: Police called to arrest a naked man on the platform at Piccadilly Station released their suspect after he produced a valid rail ticket.
Barnsley Chronicle: Police arrived quickly, to find Mr Melchett hanging by his fingertips from the back wall. He had run out of the house when the owner, Paul Finch, returned home unexpectedly, and, spotting an intruder in the garden, who had been visiting Mrs Finch and, hearing the front door open, had climbed out of the rear window. But the back wall was 8 feet high and Mr Melchett had been unable to get his leg over.
Belga [The Belgium news agency]: man suspected of robbing a jewellery store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school. Daily Telegraph: In a piece headed 'Brussels Pays £200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes: the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels.'
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Good morning everyboomie.
What a wild weekend of NFL wildcard playoff games.
At least Dallas advanced to the next level.
Right this minute I'm sitting here hoping that the Bears can hold on and beat the Eagles.. They have a 6 point lead.
We have warm weather most of the week, 68 degrees Monday.
Not sure what I'll be doing, but I'm sure it'll be a great week.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Oh my goodness Ana...that was a nail biter game for sure, sorry the Bears didn't make it as I was pulling for them
Joe, that was a good game for Dallas but almost a nail biter there at the...oh my
Glad you have a good, steady schedule this week. 
Happy Day wished for everyone! 
