When it comes 
to candy bars, the term fun-sized 
is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being ⅛ the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are: 
“disappointment-sized.”

Jimmy Kimmel
````````````


How to Translate Academic Jargon

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. Evan Esar

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What Academic Jargon Really Means

'IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN' ...
I didn't look up the original reference.

'A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT' ...
These data are practically meaningless.

'WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS' ...
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

'THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY' ...
The other results didn't make any sense. Funny quips. Jokes academic jargon

'TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN' ...
This is the prettiest graph.

'THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT' ...
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

'IN MY EXPERIENCE' ...
Once.

'IN CASE AFTER CASE' ...
Twice.

' IN A SERIES OF CASES' ...
Thrice.

'IT IS BELIEVED THAT' ...
I think.

'IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT' ...
A couple of others think so, too.

````

More Attempts to Translate Academic Jargon

'CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE' ...
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

'ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS' ...
Rumour has it.

'A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
OF THESE FINDINGS' ...
A really wild guess.

'A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA' ...
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.

'IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS' ...
I don't understand it....and I never will.

'AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES' ...
They don't understand it either.

'A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY' ...
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

'IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD' ...
I am pleased to feed you this rubbish.

````

Bert was travelling down a country road in his native Somerset, England when he saw a large group of people outside a farmhouse.

It was a cold January afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Giles why such a large crowd of men was gathered there.

The farmer replied, 'Harry's donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.'

'Well, 'replied the man, 'She must have had a lot of friends.'

'Nope, 'said Giles.' We all just want to buy his donkey.'

````

Had a text from my mate the other day:

'I've just been arrested and charged with being the ugliest man in Britain - please come down to the police station and prove them wrong'

````

Small-Ads

"Home, sweet home"
Agoraphobe seeks agoraphobe for long-distance relationship.

````

Grass is Greener?
Diana, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, 'Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?'

'I would love to do that,' replied Diana's husband, 'but she won't let me.'

The Bathroom
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from a hotel chain.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of them.

Sense of Direction?
Mike and Pauline were relating their holiday experiences to a friend.

'It sounds as if you had a great time in Nevada,' the friend observed. 'But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Philadelphia?

'Well,' Mike interrupted, 'we changed our plans because, uh......oh........umm.'

Pauline spoke up, 'Come on, Mike, tell him the truth.'

Mike fell silent and Pauline continued, 'You know, it's just stupid. Mike simply won't ever ask for directions.'

Woman Driver
Magistrate: But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?

Motorist: I was going to, Your Honor, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.

````

Good morning everyboomie.


How is everyone this morning?


Speaking of this morning, I got up Sunday expecting to get dressed and go to Walmart after breakfast, but I got up and opened the front door and stuck my foot outside to test the air, and feeling how cold it was I shut the door, turned the heat up and stayed inside all day.


No regrets whatsoever! It was a great day to stay in. We were supposed to see some sunshine, but that never happened.


The weatherman was somewhat insincere.


That means Monday will be a trip to Walmart, and Tuesday a trip to Sam's.


Looky there, I'm starting this week tripping out.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


Congratulations L4L and Soot on your new addition!!

Joe! I wish I could change my mind if the weather wasn't to my liking. Good football day!

Have a happy day all! I have the 1st of five crazy days. I'm going to be very ready for the weekend when it gets here!

Ana

Thanks everyone. Levi looks exactly like his brother,just bigger.

Took my life in my hands and ventured forth to the hospital. Got lost a couple of times, but made it home safely.

Daughter should be home sometime this afternoon.

Have a great day,ya'll

Thanks Joe ... thank you everyone ... he is a cutie pie

Sorry about Dallas Joe...tomorrow is another day

Family, hope you enjoyed the games

Venus, did you venture out today for practice?

I hope you survive the day in one piece Ana

Wishing you all a wonderful day

L4L

Joe, I don't blame you! Glad you had a nice day indoors, anyway. Hope the rest of your week goes well.

Ana, I'm right there with you on the crazy days! Hope yours are painless and fun, and that the weekend comes for you quickly.

That's fantastic L4L! Sorry you had to take your life in your hands in order to get there, though. Glad you got back safely. Congratulations again!

Soot, no, there was way too much snow. My voice teacher and I did have a couple of long conversations on the phone today, though, mostly about things other than singing. Congratulations to you again as well! Hope you also have a wonderful day.

It's Sunday night, and I'm off to sleep. I have a crazy week coming up. Tomorrow, I only have one store to go to, but I'll be there for quite a long time, as there are so many projects. I figure I may as well get this store over with first. Also, it's really close to my apartment, so I won't have to travel too far if the roads are still bad.

Have a great Monday, everyone.

Good Morning Joe, Ana, L4L, soot, venus and everyone. Joe hope your shopping day goes well. Ana wishing you a warmer work day! L4L glad you got to see Levi! Soot your dark brew is ready. Venus when you get Isis you'll have to post a picture! Coffee, tea, and hot chocolate are ready.
Have a Great Monday everyone!

Good morning everyone, have a Great Monday. Working the kitchen for Bingo today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC.

Magnificent Monday ya'll

Up before the sun to get g'son off to "school." Mom wisely wants to keep him on schedule. All went smoothly except sil had backed the car into the garage for me. Course, he moved the seat way back and didn't move it forward again. So there I am in the freezing cold garage, Leo strapped in car seat, trying to figure out which button moves the seat. None of the them did and I didn't see a lever on the the front. Finally called daughter who revealed the hidden location (far right...could only feel it when I was seated in the car).

Anyway, dogs fed, I'm fed...sitting and sipping for a bit. Admiring the view and very glad to be inside.

watching court shows and soap opera m-f, and playoffs college foot saturday, playoffs sunday.

Good night, everyone.