If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.
—Mitch Hedberg
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Anne put an advertisement in the 'classifieds' : Husband Wanted.
Next day Anne received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing : You can have mine.
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Toby and Andrea came upon a wishing well.
Andrea, with great alacrity, leaned over, took a deep breath, made a wish and threw in a penny.
Toby also decided to make a wish, but he leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned.
Andrea was stunned for a moment but then smiled, 'It really works!'
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At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
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Wise Words From 'The Funny Sisterhood' The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
My mind not only wanders - it sometimes leaves me completely.
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More Tales About Men, Women and Marriage(1) In a poll held in the USA, men and women were asked if they would marry the same person if they had it to do all over again.
80% of the men responded that they would marry the same woman.
Interestingly, only 50% of the women said that they would marry the same man. Oh dear!
(2) Gamophobia is the fear of marriage.
(3) 'When women hold back from marrying men, we call it independence. Yet, when men hold off marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.' Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)
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My new wife Jenny told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending $75 on makeup. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.
I told her that was what the beer was for.
I don't think Jenny's coming back.
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Judge Jeffries was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asks, 'What exactly are the grounds for your divorce?'
Amy replied, 'Approximately four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.'
'No,' Judge Jeffries continued, 'I mean what is the foundation of this case?'
'It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,' responded Amy promptly.
'I mean,' he sighed, 'What are your relations like?'
'Ah well, I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.'
Judge Jeffries asked, 'Do you have a real grudge?'
'No, we haven't,' Amy replied, 'We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.'
'Please,' Judge Jeffries took a deep breath and tried again, 'is there any infidelity in your marriage?'
'Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes,' smiled Amy.
'Ma'am,' Judge Jeffries raised his voice, 'does your husband ever beat you up?'
'Oh yes,' Amy responded, 'about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.'
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 'Lady, why do you want a divorce?'
'Oh, I don't want a divorce,' Amy replied. 'I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me.'
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Thoughts About WomenTEARS:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!
MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement wherein
a man loses his bachelors degree
and a woman gains her masters
ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel
a feeling you have never felt before.
YAWN:
The only time when some married men
ever get to open their mouth.
EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their
Mistakes.
SMILE:
A curve that can set
a lot of things straight!
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Good morning everyboomie.
One day down on our journey to the next big stress relieving sigh of relaxation, and no I'm not talking about your next BM.
We had a super Monday here. I went to Walmart and stocked up on the goods I needed and then went by my friends house for a little visit.
Beau came back home with us, so Missy is a happy camper.
The sun came out this afternoon, and it warmed up some, and we went for a nice walk around the old neighborhood.
Tuesday is supposed to be around 61 degrees. Ooooo Yeah!
We'll be going down to Sam's in the morning.
Have a great day everyone, and if it's cold where you are just carry a little sunshine in your heart and spread it around.
joe
acebook
witter
Have a great Tuesday everyone! 
