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#840960 - 10/07/12 07:11 PM Monday Madness
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29995
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teacher: What’s 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That’s good.
Pupil: Good?, that’s perfect!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Mom,” asked Johnny “can you give me twenty dollars?”

“Certainly not.”

“If you do,” he went on, “I’ll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”

His mother’s ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. “Well? What did he say?”

He said, ‘Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to the vet: “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for it?”

“Well” said the vet “lets have a look at him”

So he picks the dog up and has a good look at it’s eyes.

“Well” says the vet “I’m going to have to put him down”

“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” says the man.

“No, because he’s heavy” says the vet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

"OK, I give up. Where's the ship?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign warning, “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner.

“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.

Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.

Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the
table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, passing gas
and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.........I guess.......I'm not woke up yet. tired lol

I thought nights were supposed to get longer in the Fall & Winter. duh

5:00 AM will see me hard at IT again. Another day, a nuther dollar. razz

The good news is, it's a new day and I'm here to live it. thumbsup

I can honestly say that I hope you are here to live it too. yes

Live happy everyone. wink

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#840963 - 10/07/12 08:08 PM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64757
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I am very happy to see you are here to start a new day with Joe. hearts I hope that everyone you meet today treats you with kindness.

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#840972 - 10/07/12 09:15 PM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14607
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi Ana. I'm also happy to see Joe here. But it's time for me to say good night. See you later.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#840978 - 10/07/12 10:07 PM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9483
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
I hope everyone has a good start to their week. smile
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#840990 - 10/07/12 11:17 PM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5377
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, I hear you on the early mornings. yes Well, at least it means you get off early, right? Hope the day flies by for you.

Have a terrific day, Ana.

Sleep well, Midge.

Hope your weeks starts well, too, Space Quest.

I figured I might as well post tonight, so I'm not just whooshing by in the morning, as per usual. lol Fiance's working overnights, so I'm here by myself. It's going to be that way until the end of October, possibly into the first week of November. I can't wait until the project is over. It's hard do my job properly when they're relocating my department and giving me less space when I'm getting more product. crazy I think I need a vacation. lol

Oh, well, I'll have to settle for going to sleep for now. wave

Hope everyone has a great Monday. cat

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#841005 - 10/08/12 02:20 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: venus]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6033
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,SpaceQ,Venus,Midge waveHope it's a happy day for everyone,the campground officially closes today happydanceIt will be nice to have some peace and quiet for a while!! Coffee is ready I'll keep it hot and fresh! Ana that is so sad about the family on your street,my prayers go out to them wave
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#841006 - 10/08/12 02:35 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7617
Loc: Greece
Good morning my friends smile
Last night hubby and I went for a walk
in the old port of the city.
We saw a lot of people just looking of
something,so we went to see what it is.
Remember Viggo Mortensen from the Lord
of the rings and Kirsten Dunst from Spiderman?
They were sooting their new film here in
Greece and specially in Crete. penguin
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#841016 - 10/08/12 05:03 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17045
Loc: Marlborough USA
turkey Good Morning Joe, Ana, Midgie, SpaceQ, venus, Cailyn and Haroula. It's really cold here this morning! shiver Joe keep smiling! grin Ana enjoy your day. happydance Midgie sleep well. sleep SpaceQ hope your day goes well. Venus nice to see you slow down! Cailyn hope the Campground closing means you get time to rest and get better. catrub Haroula how exciting and fun to watch a movie being made! thumbsup A Happy Day wished for everyone! turkey


Edited by looney4labs (10/08/12 11:24 AM)
_________________________
Gerry

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#841023 - 10/08/12 06:09 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5377
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Okay, now it's time for my work whoosh. wink It's cold here this morning as well - went from summer to winter. shiver

Hope everyone has a great day. cat

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#841032 - 10/08/12 07:11 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8035
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning all. Ana, prayers for the family that lost their house. angel I'm sending some of our hot air to all who need it. I hope it makes it there. A trip to CVS to pick up our meds this morning. To all here and all who follow, have a Great start to a new week. Danish, Blueberry Pancakes, and Fruit cups in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#841035 - 10/08/12 07:58 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14354
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for starting my day off each morning.

Ana, Midgie, and Space. wishing you a great day when you awake.

Cailyn, glad you're feeling better. I would love a cup of that hot coffee.

Haroula, sounds like an interesting day.

Gerry, chilly morning here also. Heat is on.

Venus, easy workday is wished for you.

Connie, hot air will be most welcomed. Danish too!

Dog walk this morning then I have to do some yard work this morning. Time to get ready for the upcoming winter months.
_________________________
Gail

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#841047 - 10/08/12 09:54 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9340
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! So glad to see you here, as well! smile

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Thanks for the birthday wishes for son. We had a wonderful time yesterday... hearts

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#841048 - 10/08/12 09:56 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11383
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Cool this morning with a high of 60. Gonna stick around the house and goof off today. Do have orchestra rehearsal tonight. Have a concert next Sunday.

Not a whole lot of interest around here. We did have a great time at the block party Sat. night. Got Ameren in the back yard cutting down a very tall tree that died this summer. If it fell, it would take out about 8 power lines and that would make a lot of people unhappy. Need to take Cory for his walk but will wait for it to warm up a little.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#841056 - 10/08/12 10:16 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21208
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Morning everyone. See you after you're done with IT Joe .. got the day off today so will take advantage of that and game with L4L when she's up and at em .. in the meantime I'll listen to my whale music and Garden wink

Have a wonderful day Joe Ana Midge SQF Venus Sue Haroula Gerry Connie Gail Darlene Bets wave

Whoosh...
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#841065 - 10/08/12 10:37 AM Re: Monday Madness [Re: flutist]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe and all Gameboomers! wave

Chilly here with high expected of 55 and more rain. Feel pretty good today but my eyes are tired. Broken sleep last night because I kept falling asleep during the day.

Did some of what I meant to do yesterday, but didn't game. Instead I watched movies! laugh
Watched Cabin in the Woods and really liked it. I'm going to buy it when I can.

Ana that fire must have been such a shock to you and a reminder that life can change on a dime. It's a scary thought. Sending my well-wishes to the family in the hopes they recover as best they can quickly.

Haroula, how exciting for you to have a movie shoot nearby, especially with 2 such excellent actors.

Wishing everyone health and moderate temperatures. laugh (Think I'm going to be forced to turn on the heater.)

Happy Monday, all. smile

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