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#845043 - 10/26/12 08:40 PM Saturday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30116
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.
Homer Simpson

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

USA Senior Health Care Solution
So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes any more.

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. They are practicing to be men.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A. It helps them remember which end to wipe...

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" To which she replied "Probably that I married you for your money."

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, 'OHIO STATE!' And they say blondes are dumb!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man, I'll tell ya, women are cold until the end!
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'
'Because I don't want any of those witches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best
to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who
knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to
Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty..
You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline.
Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always
late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be
something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of20an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one
of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped
us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling
job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know
you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet
some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private
room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and
shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He said: "Who gave you the lousy hair-do?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good-a-morning to you Boomies. wave

I think I have a little time here. I haven’t been able to dial up Gameboomers for over an hour. (chin in one hand, the other drumming the computer on my pad)

It’s 11:37 now. Good thing I don’t work tomorrow.

Speaking of work, I should stop.

Not sure what I’ll do today, but I’m probably sure of what I won’t do. I think I said something about working on my taxes yesterday, after doing a few chores. Well I burned the trash, then changed the oil in my mower, then changed the blades on my mower, then I lubricated my mower, then I mowed the yard, then I ran the weed eater (very hungry machine), then I ate lunch, then I cut my hair (the lawnmower almost took my head off), then I took a shower to wash the brains off, and then I put on my big rubber boots (after getting dressed), and I took my doggie to the creek. Two hours later my doggie was here in the house waiting for me to get back from the creek. She got tired of watching me look for arrowheads, of which I found none. razz

Have a happy day everybody.

Oh and WELCOME TO THE WEEKEND! penguin

joe

From the files of "been there, done that" wink
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#845061 - 10/26/12 09:39 PM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14720
Loc: Massachusetts
Joe you kill me. smile Thanks I needed that. Hope you have a wonderful day. I'm headed for bed now. See you on the flip side.
Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#845076 - 10/27/12 12:27 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65554
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Thanks for opening Joe. I appreciate you! hearts Enjoy your day. How did the foot doctor appt go?

Midgie, have a great day.

Wishing you all a wonderful day. I may need to run to the park with the pups so we all get some exercise. I am going stir crazy sitting all day.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#845082 - 10/27/12 02:41 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8004
Loc: Greece
Good morning everybody,have all
a nice day smile wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#845085 - 10/27/12 04:30 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17500
Loc: Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe, Ana, Midgie, and Haroula. Joe maybe you'll have better luck today hunting for arrowheads. Midgie enjoy your day. Ana have fun with the pups at the park. Haroula have a great day. Cailyn coffee is on! Happy Day wished for all! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#845098 - 10/27/12 06:45 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8165
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Still breezy here, but quite nice. Prayers that all in Sandy's way are safe. angel My sis lives in N.J. near Philly. Not sure what's on the agenda for today yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Saturday. Danish, Banana nut Pancakes, and Omelets with Hash Browns and Toast in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#845100 - 10/27/12 06:53 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14710
Loc: Massachusetts
Joe, enjoy your day not working today.

Midgie, have a wonderful day!

Ana, enjoy being out for awhile with the dogs.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Cailyn, hope you got the chance to sleep-in this morning.

Haroula, have a good one.

Connie, I think weather is going downhill here soon.

Fun shopping and lunch out today. Happy day to All! puppy


Edited by GBC (10/27/12 06:55 AM)
_________________________
Gail

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#845115 - 10/27/12 08:01 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21424
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning Joe Ana Midge Haroula Gerry Connie Gail and followers .. wishing all of you a great weekend! I've got powdered donuts to supplement Connie's feast .. enjoy the day everyone!

hearts L4L

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#845130 - 10/27/12 09:06 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: soot]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30116
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody.

It's another day just like the other day where I have like 5 to 10 minutes on line.

I'll be going to Mom's today after I get my coffee drank/drunk/drinked...... duh

Ana they didn't do much. They gave me a steroid injection and a set of inserts.

No real exam, no xrays.

Feet still hurt, but definitely better in a certain spot on my left foot. I should be walking with less of a limp Monday.

Gotta see if I can post this.

Have a great day everyone.

joe

Edit: What do you know? bravo

I'm still here and holding my breath. razz



Edited by gymcandy1 (10/27/12 09:48 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#845151 - 10/27/12 10:50 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21424
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Don't hold it too long Joe eek

You have a great day too!!

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#845172 - 10/27/12 11:23 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42539
Loc: Alabama
We are off to the zoo. Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#845180 - 10/27/12 11:35 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65554
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I am struggling with my internet for the third weekend in a row. I think Comcast is working on their equipment on the weekends and it slows us down to a crawl. I am posting as I can.

To all those in the path of Sandy, please be safe! hearts

be back
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#845183 - 10/27/12 11:48 AM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7366
Loc: San Diego, CA
I 'think' I finally have my computer glitches solved. Will know more today after lots of use and gaming. It's been booting up, crashing and booting up again after a "system dump". So I deleted everything I could find that didn't matter, and finally ran 2 virus programs and then ran CC cleaner. I think the CC did it. Hopehopehope.

Lots of 'street' action last night. Big guy in Apartments has been bringing home 'strays'. First it was 3 guys who stayed and left some time later. Then last week 3 pregnant huge (fat and pregnant) ladies each with a stroller, who did the same routine. Last night, he comes home with 2 guys, wearing hoodies UP when it was a HOT night, and leaves 1/2 hour later and comes back with 3 guys. Weird. So when the second group (might have been the first 2 plus one) comes back, I can hear the conversation. Something about 'the first time I heard shots, blah blah', obviously talking from experience. Now I'm really wondering if he's bringing them here (to the Dreaded Apartments) for drugs. Makes sense, since everyone over there seems to have a 'business'. Yuk. More stuff to watch out for if he's bringing in guys. Might also be his 'gang'. Dunno. Have to watch more and try to catch more of the conversations. Hate this.

Got awakened at 7 am by the gal who was cleaning up the old guy's house (nursing home for several months now). She had been over with her friend and the hubby a few nights back to let me know they would be over trying to secure a shed door. Had no idea it had no knob or lock and anyone could just walk in. Wow. So they were over early, called me to let me know it was them, were there for a few minutes and off they went. Guess they managed to secure it (had to slide a big desk from inside to block it and go out the other way. Other than that, no action over there at all except since they jumped the fence, I figured the police would be there soon. Nada. Whew. She's the one who called Hazmat about the mercury spill and STILL nothing has been done. At least now that area is locked. Too much drama for me.

Another hot day here. It's 60ish now but going to 90's by noon. Have no idea how to dress for this one.

Toooo quiet outside. I have a strange car parked in front of my gate. Remember the 'wheels' very fancy, but can't place what house it belongs to. Probably down the side street which is in progress of sidewalks. Hope I can see the driver when it leaves.

Off for my morning walk. Ughhhhhhh. Was off ALL pills for 2 days now (pain, tummy acid and allergy) to see what I felt like off everything. NOT good. Took Tylenol, will see if that takes the edge off. Hate taking pilllllls!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#845204 - 10/27/12 12:46 PM Re: Saturday's [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9448
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your feet feel better! Have an easy peasy time at your Mum's!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

For all sweet 'Boomies on the East coast, please stay safe!

Daughter and SO's home is so very lovely. Went over last night to watch the painting festivities. They put many friends to work. Then, SO's parents came over, along with grandpa, and we shared a glass of wine and laughed and had a ball! It was a delight!

Hubby's office is having a wine/appetizer luncheon today. Very nice...Then, it's easy peasy for the rest of the day.

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#845217 - 10/27/12 01:53 PM Re: Saturday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13758
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe ive the shot and the inserts some time they just might work. Hope the feet are better soonest! Have fun at mom's and thanks for the laughs!

Ana have a lovely run with the dogs. Hope that the weather is nice. We have intermitant sun but it is a little brisk out there. was 28 for our morning walk.

Hopefully the light will make it's presence know soon!

Prayers for all in the path of Sandy!!

wave Gerry, Midge, Haroula! Have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the treats and have a lovely day!

Gail have fun shopping and may something fun hop in the cart.

L4l and Soot have a fun time at the zoo!!

Darlene sounds like a lovely time last night. Have a fun time tonight!!

wave
Nan

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