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#858963 - 12/27/12 12:25 AM Thursday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29789
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"Being a philosopher, I have a problem for every solution." -- Robert Zend
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diary Of A Blonde Newlywed

Dear Diary,

Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.

Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.

Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday:
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?

Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday:
Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.

Sunday:
Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.

Good night, Dear Diary.

This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To increase your vocabulary with phrases you've heard but aren't quite sure how to use, read on...

"Cold turkey"

Definition: Refers to the physical state addicts are in when withdrawing from drug
addition, especially heroin. Their blood is directed to the internal organs, leaving
their skin white and goose bumpy like a Thanksgiving bird ready to go in the oven.
Mmmmm, junkie turkey.

Origin: The first usage of this phrase is unknown, but it has as many applications as
there are things to be addicted to.

Use it in a sentence: After coming down with a strange illness that turned his
eye-whites blue, Ozzy had to go cold turkey from biting the heads off live bats or
any other animals.


"Going Dutch"

Definition: To evenly split the cost of a group expense, like a meal.

Origin: The origin of the phrase is unknown, but there is one explanation. In the
17th century, the Dutch were hated commercial rivals of the British, and have been a
verbal target for them since. Anyone who "went Dutch" may have been considered a
tightwad. Not surprisingly, the Dutch don't seem to love this phrase.

Use it in a sentence: The last girl I went out with called me a superior patriarchal
misogynist who didn't respect her independence just because I offered to pick up the
tab. So last night I decided I'd play it safe and suggested to my date that we go
Dutch. She called me a cheap skate!

"Put a sock in it"

Definition: A terse request to be quiet.

Origin: Since early gramophones had no volume control knobs, playing them at anything
less than 11 ("my amp goes up to 11") required putting a sock in the amplification
trumpet.

Use it in a sentence:
Girl: "Why are you hesitating? You don't like it, do you? You think it makes me look
fat, right? Oh, I knew this would happen. I should never have gotten an orange
leather..."
Guy: "Ah, put a sock in it."


"Son of a gun"

Definition:
a) As an interjection, it means "gee whiz" or "well I'll be darned."
b) As a name to call someone, it's a euphemism for a phrase that's already pretty
tame: son of a [blip].

Origin: According to the Phrase Finder (www.phrases.shu.ac.uk), the expression
originated on sailing ships, where some women would have sex with sailors between the
cannons. The male progeny of such a dangerous liaison would then be called a son of a
gun. Nice pedigree.

Use it in a sentence:
a) "Son of a gun, who stole my toupee?"
b) "Bob, you old son of a gun. How's the prostate?"


"For all intents and purposes"

Definition: First of all, it ain't "for all intensive purposes." Think about it for a
minute. What the hell could that possibly mean? For all uses that are short but
really demanding? Like, oh, I don't know, midget arm-wrestling? No, "for all intents
and purposes" means "realistically speaking; practically; in almost every way."

Origin: Although its origin is unknown, the phrase used to be "to all intents and
purposes," which is still sometimes heard.

Use it in a sentence: Bob tried so hard to please Patty that he had long ago passed
the "whipped" phase and was now, for all intents and purposes, her love slave.


"Big cheese"

Definition: The most important person; the boss.

Origin: The Urdu word for thing is chiz. The British likened its sound to the word
"cheese" and, as cheese is so vital to the Brits that their pound currency was
actually pegged to the price of medium cheddar for almost two centuries, they
modified its meaning to "the main/best thing." The phrase crossed the Atlantic as
"the big cheese" in about 1890.

Use it in a sentence: The way he acted, you could tell Bob thought he was the big
cheese of the joint. But really, with his faux chains, hedge-like chest hair and
shiny zebra-striped shirt, he was just cheesy.


"Peeping Tom"

Definition: A peeping Tom is a voyeur.

Origin: It stems from an 11th century English legend in which Tom the tailor
unlawfully peeps at Lady Godiva as she rides on horseback naked through Coventry. As
a result, he was struck blind. Doh!

Use it in a sentence: To mess with the minds of any would-be peeping Toms in the high
rise across the street, every night Bob undressed in front of his window with all the
lights on, then looked out into the night and gave a big wave before retiring.


"Beat around the bush"

Definition: This old phrase means, well, you know, sort of to, like, stall and stuff,
or lie even, instead of, um -- hey look, that dog has a poofy tail! Sorry, it means
not to get to the point or the truth.

Origin: It comes from hunting, where hunters would carefully beat around bushes
hoping to drive out their prey instead of just going in after it.

Use it in a sentence:
Man #1: "Stop beating around the bush and ask the question already!"
Man #2: "Okay, fine. Can I borrow your girlfriend for, like, an hour?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Farmer Jokes


On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help.

Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders.

Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction.

The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and is obviously in extreme pain. The farm animals are all messed up very badly and the farmer, although remaining inside the vehicle, still suffers cuts and scrapes.

The farmer gets out of the truck and looks at his farm animals.

The chickens all have broken limbs and can barely move. "These chickens are all useless! Nobody will want to buy these chickens anymore!" bellows the farmer. With that, he grabs and loads his shotgun and blows away the chickens.

Next, he sees the pigs and they are all lame and bleeding profusely. "These pigs are all worthless now! I'll get nothing for them!" yells the farmer. With great rage, the farmer reloads his shotgun and blows away the pigs.

The farmer looks at the sheep and they all have broken limbs and their wool is all bloodied. "Worthless sheep!" screams the farmer and with that, he reloads his shotgun and blows away the sheep.

Meanwhile, the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage in great horror.

The farmer then moves over to the side of the ditch and looks at the tourist. "Are you okay down there?" asked the farmer.

"NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!" the tourist yelled back.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing it turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the
chickens had three legs.

The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!"

The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks."

Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"

The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."

"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.

Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon?"

The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."

At this revelation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper.

In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the breakfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"

"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he told the truth."

"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."

"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.

"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave12

How is everyone this fine morning?

"Inquiring minds want to know." sherlock

Now I'm trying to remember where that little phrase originated. think

Anybody know?

I hate getting old.


Rage rage against the dying of the light. taz

You're only as old as you feel.

Yeah well I feel like Moses's great grandfather.

Actually did you know I'm a direct descendant of Noah?

Noah Lilley was my great great grandfather. lol12

HE came from North Carolina to Texas back in about 1834.

It was before the battle for the Alamo. thumbsup12

I remember it well. snicker

Y'all have a happy day, ya hear? woot

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (12/27/12 12:32 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#858965 - 12/27/12 12:33 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63388
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, you have a happy day as well!

I have a dinner date with 8 girls I went to grade school with. It will be a loud gathering for sure but we forewarned the restaurant and they approved a section for us to be loud and linger. hearts

Other than that, I will be in the corner like a good girl. A walk in the woods with the dogs is also in order.

Hope you all have an awesome day!

Ana wave12
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#858968 - 12/27/12 01:33 AM Re: Thursday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9153
Loc: Southern California
wave12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! "Inquiring minds want to know." Wasn't that from the National Inquirer? think Hope your Thursday is however you'd like it to be!!

Hey, Ana! Sounds like you have a mahvelously fun evening planned! Enjoy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Still Wednesday evening for me....

Long, intense day at work, today. Will be nice to see the weekend come. Another 4-day weekend, and much needed. Hearts game here on Saturday, then a Sunday full of family and fun!

So....

To all abed, sleep12 To all awake, woot
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#858978 - 12/27/12 04:20 AM Re: Thursday [Re: Darlene]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5955
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Darlene and all who follow wave12Ana enjoy your dinner out sounds like a lot of Fun!!Darlene enjoy your 4 days off,Joe I know how you feel I'm feeling the same wayCoffee is hot have a graet day everyone winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#858980 - 12/27/12 05:03 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16324
Loc: Marlborough USA
happydance12 Good Morning Joe, Ana, Darlene and Cailyn. Joe you're only as old as you feel so think young! Ana it does sound like a fun evening ahead! Darlene hope you get to relax and play some games. Cailyn hope all is well with you. Happy Day all! happydance12
_________________________
Gerry

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#858986 - 12/27/12 05:52 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13765
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day!

Cailyn, coffee sounds wonderful this morning.

Ana, sounds like you'll be having a fabulous night. Enjoy the all the fun with the girls.

Darlene, wishing you an easy day at work and a it sounds like a great weekend is in store for you.

Gerry, enjoy whatever is on your agenda for the day.

I had a wonderful Christmas with all my family. Took me an entire day to clean up but well worth it. Wishing everyone a super day! winter
_________________________
Gail

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#858989 - 12/27/12 06:02 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Well, it's back to my regularly scheduled morning work whoosh time. smile12

Have a terrific Thursday, everyone. wave12

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#858994 - 12/27/12 07:06 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7812
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. I think it's time to start putting thimgs back in order. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. Danish, Omelets, and French Toast in the NC. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#859003 - 12/27/12 09:40 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11285
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Another cold dreary looking day. I think we are supposed to get some sunshine soon. I hope.

I'm not doing much again today. Just kinda kicking around. Will play a little, read a little. Call the vet and make appointments for the dog and cat. Other then that, I'll just continue kicking around.

Have a great day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#859007 - 12/27/12 10:27 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13280
Loc: northern Wisconsin
I wanna know just who has stolen the sun???? Have hardly seen it for awhile now and it would be nice to see so it will warm up outside. lol12

Joe they say you are as young as ya feel but some days that's kinda old for me. lol12 Have a lovely day and may work fly! Thanks for the laughs.

Ana sounds like a lovely fun evening is planned. Enjoy!! Hope the project moves right along for you and have a lovely run with the dogs.

Darlene may work go smoothly today! Sounds like you have a lovely weekend planned. Enjoy!! Sunday will be Christmas with my daughter and family!

Cailyn have a lovely day and thanks for the coffee.

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail glad you enjoyed the Christmas gathering but sorry it took a day to clean it all up again. Have a lovely day!

venus may work fly!! Glad the hours are normal again.

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the treats!

Bets enjoy your "kickback" day!!!

wave12
Nan

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#859009 - 12/27/12 11:40 AM Re: Thursday [Re: auntiegram]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29789
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
WHOA! I kinda posted a lot last night didn't I? headscratch

Good morning everybody. Another day, same routine as yesterday. I'm passing time before work with some surfing and gaming. woot

I hope you all have a great day and a safe one. Much inclement weather out there. wink12

I'mm be back near 10:00 tonight. thumbsup12

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#859012 - 12/27/12 12:16 PM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63388
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I've been in the corner all morning and now I am getting ready for a run. I wish time would move a little slower when I have so much to do.

Darlene, I hope your day won't be as bad as anticipated. hearts

Sue, Gerry, Gail, Venus, Connie, Bets, Joe hope your day will be wonderful!

Nan, gloomy here too. If I find the sun I'll tell it to shine by you too!

Ana :wave:
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#859028 - 12/27/12 02:18 PM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41491
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

Woke up to find that the heater was on vacation and refusing to work. I had appointments this morning so just headed out and decided to deal with the cold when I got back.

Errands all went well, but the heater situation is being silly and my keyboard seems to have celebrated a bit too much. I can light the pilot light but it declines to stay lit. So, I'm all bundled up and waiting for someone with more knowledge than I have to call me back.

I must go dig through boxes for some warmer clothes. wave12
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#859032 - 12/27/12 02:36 PM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13280
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Oh L4l not the thing to have happen when it is cold out. I can send you lots of warm stuff as I have plenty. lol12 Hope they call soonest!!

Ana have a nice run!!

Joe I hope work flies for ya!

Ran out and did a few errqands and then took Sassy for a nice walk...about a mile. Warmed to 21 and no wind so was nice!!

wave12
Nan

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#859033 - 12/27/12 02:41 PM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6784
Loc: San Diego, CA
Not so cold today, rained overnight, but just cloudy now. No sidewalk construction going on. I figure they will be off till after the New Year for sure.

Finally got my sister's newsletter email to open. Seems she typed it on something that requires 'docx' which my old XP program didn't have. Finally found a 'safe' Microsoft.com application which promptly fixed the problem. Oh joy.

Our little 'community' of Castle Park (small area of a big city) has just received a Federal grant of almost 30 million dollars (yup you read it right) to improve our little 1 square mile area for 'children and education leading up to college' and 'homeless, pregnant, day care, health' and other things. AND the city, through United Way and other benefactors is Matching the monies so it's 60 million (gah) for our little area. I have no idea what they want to do, but I think it's going to bring in a load of people looking for 'services'. Can't imagine how we were one of only SEVEN grants from Washington DC that got approved.

According to the info, we (our little tiny 4 square block area) is impoverished and all 3194 residents are undereducated, etc. They say they got the info from our last Census.Very strange. I'm assuming that the massive number of 'rooming houses' and group homes in our area count in the total.

The money amounts to about 10,000 per person, so says the news, but I won't see any of it. Can't figure out why they couldn't have footed the bill for some of our out of pocket sidewalk fees? Anyway, they say they are going to improve education and stop bullying, and help transients and all that good stuff. They are including our local park in which all the transients live anyway making it uncomfy for walking alone there. Can't wait to see what they do with all that money! Maybe build permanent housing for the transients? Sixty million????? I'm speechless now. scared Hope the money is used for good and not to pay salaries of the 'directors'.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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