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#859060 - 12/28/12 12:01 AM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30028
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
Booker T. Washington
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Temperature Effect
Its amazing what effect temperature has on things...



60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).

50 Miami residents turn on the heat.

40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

35 Italian cars don't start.

32 Water freezes.

30 You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on T-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. British cars don't start.

25 Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

20 You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further south.

15 French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start.

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.

-25 Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 You plan a two week hot bath. The Mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.

-40 Californians disappear Minnesotans button top button Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 Congressional hot air freeze Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 Hell freezes over Polar bears move south.

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class:

1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."
7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."
9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."
10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19.Address students as "worm."
20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. santa

Sometimes I'm just too tired to even try to be

sleep12

funny. lol12

I've done two and have two to go. tired

Today starts at 10:00 for work. wink12

Tonight starts as soon as I get to bed, which is about 10 paces down the hallway.

I hope the old feet will carry me. zombie

Have a happy day everyone. wave12

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (12/28/12 12:04 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#859063 - 12/28/12 01:08 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64961
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I hope that your feet take you through the day! hearts I have to do some serious work today because I never got around to any yesterday. oops

I got a text message while out with my grade school friends last night that they found the body of a dear friend of mine who was just 55 in WI after his snowmobile crashed through the lake. sad His brother who I dated many many years ago died when he was 19 after getting decapitated going under an 18 wheeler on a snowmobile after a night of partying. I am just heartbroken.

Live each day like your last....

Ana
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#859070 - 12/28/12 04:14 AM Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6046
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who arrive later santaAna tragic news about your friend prayers for you and his famly hearts Coffee is ready and hot a happy day wished for all sherlock
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#859071 - 12/28/12 04:24 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17171
Loc: Marlborough USA
winter Good Morning Joe, Ana and Cailyn. Joe hope the feet stop hurting. Ana sorry to hear about your old friend. Cailyn thanks for the hot coffee. It's cold here and we got another inch of snow last night. Hope everyone has a nice day! winter
_________________________
Gerry

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#859076 - 12/28/12 05:40 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6046
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Morning Gerry we just got a dusting of snow happydance12Taking my Gr.daughter dress shopping today,there's a balck and white dance,when they go back to school next week.So it should be fun winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#859077 - 12/28/12 06:01 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5427
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Kitty version Venus is making it very difficult for me to get ready this morning. catrub But I do have a work whoosh, so I have to disturb her and run. smile12

Hope everyone here has a great Friday. wave12

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#859083 - 12/28/12 06:59 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14441
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, dance along today!

Ana, very sad news about your friend. Sorry!

Cailyn, need coffee desperately! Enjoy dress shopping.

Gerry, keep warm today!

Venus, have a good day at work.

Got a few errands to run this morning. It's cold out there. shiver
_________________________
Gail

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#859086 - 12/28/12 07:31 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8075
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Ana, prayers and hugs for you and your friend's family. kissy12 Not sure what's on the agenda for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGIF. Danish, Blueberry Pancakes, and Muffins in the NC. winter
_________________________
Connie

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#859093 - 12/28/12 09:21 AM Re: TGIF [Re: connie]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30028
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave12

I'm getting ready to leave for work. It sure seems like I have very little down time between shifts. tired

I hope everyone has a great day. It's Friday, but I am not off until Sunday. wink12

See you after 7:00 tonight. wave12

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#859096 - 12/28/12 09:45 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42278
Loc: Alabama
Ana, big hugs to you!

It's cold but the heat is working and the sun is shining. Life is good! puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#859100 - 12/28/12 10:02 AM Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9366
Loc: Southern California
happydance12 Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy TGIF!

Ana, so very sorry. hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Another four days off, starting tomorrow. Soooo looking forward to it.

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#859107 - 12/28/12 11:02 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13648
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe Sunday will be here before you know it. lol12 Hope work flies and goes well. Thanks for the laughs.

Oh Ana sorry to hear about your friend. I was just reading that in the paper. How sad.

Hope the corner is good to you today! Glad you had a fun time last night.

Cailyn thanks for the coffee and have a nice day!

Gerry be careful walking in the new snow. We have some new too. Have a nice day!

venus may work fly and go well.

Gail hope some of the errands are fun. Have a nice day.

Connie hope that what ever you find to do is fun!! Thanks for the treats.

L4l glad the heat is working for ya!! Be careful though.

Darlene may work go smoothly and fly! Have a nice day!

No plans till taxi time later.

wave12
Nan

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#859121 - 12/28/12 12:13 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64961
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies. A melancholy morning of talking to my sisters and crying together over the phone at the untimely death of our friend. It's left a hole in our hearts and I am sure many because he was a very popular fishing and hunting guide in the northwoods. It's a hard one to shake off.

It's snowing here and still no sun. Good day to work.

Have a happy day everyone...I need to lock myself in the corner, I am far behind.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#859123 - 12/28/12 12:17 PM Re: TGIF [Re: auntiegram]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomies

My Internet was mainly off yesterday and almost the whole of today. Green light since 6 p.m., so I better hurry and say hello to my friends.

Ana: I'am so sorry for you! Let me take you in my arms and hug you tight! kissy12 It is so sad to lose a friend!

I wish all my Boomer friends a nice day and a peaceful evening!

Love! Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#859127 - 12/28/12 12:24 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64961
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
hearts Evelyne, thank you and all of you for condolences.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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