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#878375 - 04/04/13 08:03 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29783
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.
Booker T. Washington
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Temperature Effect
Its amazing what effect temperature has on things...



60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).

50 Miami residents turn on the heat.

40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming.

35 Italian cars don't start.

32 Water freezes.

30 You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on T-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. British cars don't start.

25 Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.

20 You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further south.

15 French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10 Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start.

0 Alaskans put on T-shirts. Too cold to skate.

-10 German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.

-25 Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-30 You plan a two week hot bath. The Mighty Monongahela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.

-40 Californians disappear Minnesotans button top button Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50 Congressional hot air freeze Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-80 Hell freezes over Polar bears move south.

-90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class:

1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"
4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."
7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."
9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."
10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."
16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
19.Address students as "worm."
20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Sometimes I'm just too tired to even try to be

sleep

funny. :clown:

I've done three and have three to go. tired

Today starts at 3:30 , and ends at about 10:00 tonight. yay

Tonight starts as soon as I get to bed, which is about 10 paces down the hallway.

I hope the old feet will carry me. happydance

Have a happy day everyone. wave

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#878384 - 04/04/13 09:43 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9071
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Thanks for the laughs Joe. Have a great Friday. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#878393 - 04/04/13 10:48 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63347
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol THanks for the chuckles Joe. Today and everyday. hearts I hope your day is great!

SpaceQ, happy Friday to you!

Have a great day everyone!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#878427 - 04/05/13 05:40 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16303
Loc: Marlborough USA
bunny Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana and Cailyn. Joe sweet dreams. SpaceQ enjoy! Ana wishing you a calm day. Cailyn coffee is ready! Happy Day All! bunny
_________________________
Gerry

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#878432 - 04/05/13 05:55 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6896
Loc: Greece
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana,Cailyn,Gerry and all
who come in later wave
Have all a nice day happydance
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#878433 - 04/05/13 05:55 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5953
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning all wave Gerry thanks for getting the coffee wave
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#878434 - 04/05/13 05:55 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Well, it's time for my third and final work whoosh this week. wave Have a terrific Friday, everyone. spring

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#878438 - 04/05/13 06:20 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16303
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good morning Haroula, Cailyn and venus. Hope you all have a sunny day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#878440 - 04/05/13 06:27 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13757
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, swift feet wished for you today.

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Space, good morning.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. Not sunny here today.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Cailyn, have a great day.

Venus, enjoy your workday.

Routine morning for me. Gaming afternoon. woot
_________________________
Gail

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#878444 - 04/05/13 07:01 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7808
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Dr. visits went well. Not sure what's on the agenda for today as it's going to be rainey. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGIF. Danish, Fried Eggs, Sausage, Home Fries, and Toast in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#878467 - 04/05/13 09:58 AM Re: TGIF [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9145
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! A late night for you! Hope your Friday is fab-u-lous!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! So happy it's the weekend! yay

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#878528 - 04/05/13 01:51 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13272
Loc: northern Wisconsin
I'm late, I'm late. lol Been busy with a puzzle.

Joe I hope that work goes well and the feet feel better. Thanks for the laughs.

Space this it it and I hope you have a nice weekend.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for starting the coffee. I was up but just couldn't get out of bed. lol

venus be happy you get to work today!! Happy whooooshing.

Gail good luck! HUGS! Have a nice time the rest of the kday!

Connie I'm sure something fun will pop up for ya. Glad the doc visits were good! Thanks for the danish.

Darlene may everything go smoothly and the time fly! Happy weekend is here!!!

Cailyn have a lovely day!

Well time to get ready so I may take a friend to a doc appointment in Duluth and then home to get ready to work the fish fry!! If I have enough time I will run the taxi otherwise someone else will drop them off and I will be picking them up after the fish fry!

Have a wonderful rest of the day all.

Ana I'm trying to keep it here but if your temp drops I don't know if I will be successful! lol

wave
NAn

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#878530 - 04/05/13 01:54 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41474
Loc: Alabama
Doggies and I are back from our walk. It was grey when we left, but the sun peeked out while we were walking. But holy moly it was windy. If I weighed one pound less, I might have blown away.

Now home and getting ready to do a quick vacuum (if I can find all the parts) and furniture cover change as the boys will be here in a bit.

Then I'm thinking fondly of a book...so may just grab the doggies and go read the rest of the day. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#878541 - 04/05/13 02:38 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6772
Loc: San Diego, CA
Just put my last coat of vinyl paint on my shower floor. Wall tiles all caulked (not pretty but it works). Now to wait all day and hope everything is dry enough to shower tonight. I don't think I can stand 3 days without a shower! Washrags and soap just isn't gonna do it. I need nice hot water all over. Oh to dream!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#878545 - 04/05/13 03:17 PM Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9071
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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