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#880032 - 04/10/13 10:51 PM Thursday
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32195
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
"Happy the man, and happy he alone, He who can call today his own; He who secure within can say: Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today." -- Horace

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?"

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I don't miss any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one takes advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cat:"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have staff.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids .they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

A dog thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. They must be Gods!"

A cat thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. I must be a God!"

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog??

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting..

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
- Unknown

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
- Unknown

Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.
- Gene Hill

In dog years, I'm dead.
- Unknown

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
- Aldous Huxley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
- Sue Murphy

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
- August Strindberg

No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
- Fran Lebowitz

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
- Anne Tyler

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
- Rita Rudner

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
That's almost $7.00 in dog money. - Joe Weinstein

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
- James Thurber

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. - Nora Ephron

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
- Ann Landers

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!
- Dr. Tom Cat

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
- Ben Williams

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
- Edward Abbey

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
- Unknown

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
- Unknown

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
- Christopher Morley

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
- Josh Billings

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
- Holbrook Jackson

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andrew A. Rooney

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
- Unknown

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain

Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
- Smiley Blanton

I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.
- John Steinbeck

Good morning everyboomie.  welcome

Come into my lair and listen to a lier lament about loves lost while longingly looking for leaping lizards that lose latitude while lapping lemon juice and lustily leering at the limp lawn lackeys.  slapforehead

Lordy!!!!!!  eek

That should at least raise a quizzical smile, eh?  think

Don't ask for a translation.  headscratch

At least I didn't bring up the lordly lions.  snicker

That and the jokes should about do it then?  thumbsup

Alright then. cool

Have a happy day everyone.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#880035 - 04/10/13 11:10 PM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75370
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe,have a wonderful day! I'll be resting comfortably in your lair until you return home from work. Can I play on your new computer? lol

I want to buy this place! Anyone want to join me?

Have a happy day!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#880041 - 04/11/13 12:29 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
BobH Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 3440
Loc: 47.79N, 122.24W
Loved the dog and cat jokes and quotes. Here's one more...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
As I've grown older, I've found that my memory is not as good as I used to think it was.

#880053 - 04/11/13 02:59 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe :)Ana,Bob and everyone wave
Ana,thats terrible scared
Have all a happy day spring
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#880055 - 04/11/13 03:22 AM Re: Thursday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Bob,Haroula wave I had to bring my dog Tigger to the vet yesterday,he hurt his back leg running.He's on two meds and orders are for him to have complete rest for a week,he didn't break it but their worried about the Legiments puppy I have the coffee ready along with some cr.donut holes wave
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#880059 - 04/11/13 05:38 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22793
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, BobH, Haroula, and Cailyn. Joe don't work to hard. Ana to much work to keep that place clean! crazy BobH Groucho was a funny man! Wishing you a happy day to Haroula! Cailyn I hope Tigger heals well. Wishing everyone a wonderful day! wave

#880079 - 04/11/13 07:17 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10257
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Cailyn, I hope Tigger's leg heals quickly. puppy I'm on the laptop this morning. My machine is getting a new hard drive, as mine was not behaving nicely. Hubby is getting a new case and power supply, as his machine was overheating. The old power supply couldn't handle the parts that came from mine, as I had a heavier one. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. Danish and Blueberry Pancakes in the NC. spring

#880092 - 04/11/13 08:03 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, I loved the post this morning.

Ana, can you see the potential in that place for the House Make Over show. lol

BobH, good morning.

Haroula, have a nice day!

Cailyn, so sorry for poor little Tigger. Hope his leg heals well. Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry, wishing you a wonderful day also.

Connie, hope your computer will be behaving better with the new hard drive.

Dentist appointment this morning. See everybody later on. smile

#880115 - 04/11/13 09:56 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11505
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Wild night last night. Sirens went off and we headed for the basement. Some parts of St. Louis got hit by a tornado. Hazelwood. Did quite a bit of damage. 101 mph winds in Sullivan. Did damage there too.

Called Ginny to see if she was all right. She said she was down in the basement with her cousin. I asked her how she got down there and she said she slid down on her butt. We went up there and helped her cousin get her back up the stairs. We had a good laugh over it. She is such a trooper. What an inspiration she is. She takes everything in stride and has a wonderful sense of humor. For those of you who may not know, Ginny had her legs amputated above the knees.

Don't have to go anywhere today so will just goof off again. Ahhhhh, love that word.

Have a great day everyone.

Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

#880118 - 04/11/13 10:02 AM Re: Thursday [Re: flutist]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Thursday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#880126 - 04/11/13 10:31 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Draclvr Offline
Hints & Glitches forum Moderator
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 13236
Loc: In Missouri near St. Louis
Hooo... it definitely was a wild night in "flutist and Draclvr land." The tremendous wind and some of the scariest lightning I've ever seen in life sent us to the basement too. No significant damage that we can see yet... Hard to tell how much rain, but hubby's guessing at least 3 inches in less than an hour. I can't imagine the 101 mph winds in Sullivan - especially with all the forest land down there.
Heading out to the gardens...

#880131 - 04/11/13 11:00 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75370
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! Our house was a rockin and rolling last night too! We had one absolutely gigantic thunderboomer that I was sure would split the house in two. We are supposed to have snow flurries tomorrow. Come on spring!

My head is really hating this weather!

So no one wants to join me in purchasing that house? Where is Sorta, I know she'd appreciate its quirks. I really do love the house. I find it a work of art. duh It would be like entering a fantasy painting.

Drac and Bets, glad you both are okay. hearts

Darlene, safe skooshing.

Gail, good luck at the dentist.

Connie, I hope your computers get fixed up quickly.

Gerry, if we can afford to buy that place we can afford a maid. lol Have a happy day!

Sue, so sorry about Tigger. I hope the meds work. hearts

Bob, have a great day!

Haroula, lol not your taste, huh? Is it a warm day today?
Don't feed the Trolls

#880135 - 04/11/13 11:11 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47575
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

It is overcast and much cooler out there. Bad, icky, possibly tornadoey weather is supposed to roll in this afternoon. I was up anyway, so the doggies and I waited for the school/work traffic to wane, and then went out for a walk.

Joe, I see you are feeling alliterative today.

Ana, I 'd love to have that property. The house would most definitely have to be redecorated, but the land space would be fantastic.

Good one, BobH wave

Haroula, what's up for you guys today?

Cailyn, pets and treats for Tigger. I hope he heals very quickly.

Gerry, what's up with you today?

Connie, I hope your computer is soon a happier friend. wave

Gail, anyone with a dentist appointment deserves a treat. I hope you find one on your way home.

Bets, happy goofing!

Darlene, happy skooshing.

I have a couple of hours to coffee up before I have to grab the doggies and the kitty and head for the vet.

Back later puppy

Drac, so glad you guys are all alright.
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#880138 - 04/11/13 11:42 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Well I almost took a trip where I could fly without wings this morning. Good thing Sassy just had to stop and mark a spot or that huge tree branch that dropped right beside me would have been on me. eek

The winds are steady at 35-45 with gusts to 60mph! I think that is what is keeping the snow away for now but they are taling about an foot of white stuff and with these winds there surely shall be some interesting drifting.

Joe hope that work flies by and goes well!! thanks for the chuckles today!!

Ana that is a very interesting place! lol Sure would be tempting as it would get me away from the cold and the snow. lol

Are you still free?? Enjoy the day. Glad you are safe from those nausty storms that went through there last night.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Bob thanks for that chuckle!! Have a nice day!

Cailyn cuddles to Tigger. Prayers that the meds do the trick and he is back to self in no time at all. Thanks for the coffee.

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail good luck at the dentist! Have a lovely day!

Connie glad you have a laptop to use while the PC is being repaired. Thanks for the danish!!

Bets and Draclvr glad that you are safe from a rough night of storms. Happy gaming!

Darlene may work go smoothly today. Have a lovely day! How is your mom doing?? Did she come out that way this winter? Just wondering because the weather in the southern part of the state has been anything but kind this winter.

L4l have a lovely walk with the dogs. Good luck with the Vet appointments!!! Be safe today when those storms reach your area!!


#880142 - 04/11/13 11:49 AM Re: Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9563
Loc: San Diego, CA
Hey! Ana! How did they get pictures of MY house? rotfl I'll chip in with ya. I could totally live there. After all, they have my iron headboards used in neat ways, my rugs, my lace all over (I use old Quaker Lace tablecloths for my curtains). Yup, my house with all it's kitchiness. When can I move in?

Going to Costly Co today for coupon day. Hope my friend arrives early so we can get a parking spot. It's always crowded on coupon day. I NEED printer ink and a load of other stuff that's on sale.

Lovely day here. So sorry for all in the bad weather areas. Sounds so scary. Praying everyone is OK with all the wind, rain, tornadoes.

Counting Outdoorsies. One missing but he will probably show up later.
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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