By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Stupid things to ponder.
Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
How can there be self-help “groups”?
Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered mothers from Asian countries use? Toothpicks?
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Do people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?
More Funny Questions and Stupid Questions
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
How did a fool and his money get together?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Can you get cavities in your dentures from using too much artificial sweetner?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have a “S” in it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Really Funny Bumper Stickers
The best dumb and funny bumper stickers and great one liners from Tshirts and graffiti.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
IRS We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
Cover me. I’m changing lanes.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case …coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Don’t hit me. My lawyer’s in jail.
This isn’t burger king, you can’t have it your way.
How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!
If something goes without saying, LET IT!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Good morning everyboomie.
Another day, another 24 hours.
Make it count.....er...them.
Last night I didn't sleep well. I dreamed I was taken hostage with my sister, and given one last wish before being shot.
I said I wish to watch a pot of water boil.
My sister said, "Well that's a dumb wish. A watched pot never boils."
They asked if I had any legitimate wishes.
I said, "Ladies first?"
I wished you all a happy day as well.