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#892137 - 06/04/13 07:50 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30115
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!
David Brent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lady: Do you drink?
Man: Yes
Lady: How much a day?
Man: Three 6 packs
Lady: How much per 6 pack
Man: about $10.00
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari then?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store
clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics
rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart
bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding
a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was
going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns
are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought one of my legs had shrunk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."

"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principals office. He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his private parts hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, shed come and pick me up from school."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest feet she’d ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, “Sure is, little lady! Why don’t you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you!” The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, “Well, thank ya Ma’am. I’m real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before. The woman replied, “Don’t be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Good if you're not getting up at 3:30am that is. razz

Don't cry for me Argentina.... cry

The truth is, I get off early. dance

I have to go to bed in about an our though, and it's still daylight. razz

I need to stick my head somewhere where the sun don't shine. cool

If only I could get inside my sister's head. eek

Plenty dark in there. The lights are off.

She must be on vacation. snicker

Have a super happy day everyone.

joe





Edited by gymcandy1 (06/04/13 07:51 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#892151 - 06/04/13 08:44 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65546
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Poor sis! rotfl You could put together a whole comedy routine about her. If she doesn't smother you with a pillow first.

I may or may not be in the corner today, but I do know it's Wednesday so that means it's Insanity night. woot

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#892214 - 06/05/13 04:54 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17500
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe and Ana. Joe I wonderful what your sis has to say about you! grin Ana don't go crazy tonight! happydance Coffee is ready. Enjoy the Day everyone! dance
_________________________
Gerry

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#892230 - 06/05/13 05:43 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe, Ana and Gerry,

Not sure what I'm doing today. Supposed to be nice weather. Have a great day, I know I'll be playing today!

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#892232 - 06/05/13 05:51 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14710
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, glad you getting out early.

Ana, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Gerry, I'm in a desperate need for coffee.

Cailyn, see you when you get here.

Sharon, good morning!

To all who enter I'm wishing a great mid week day. spring
_________________________
Gail

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#892237 - 06/05/13 06:09 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17500
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning SharonB and GBC. Sharon enjoy the sunshine. GBC coffee is fresh and hot! Happy Day All! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#892240 - 06/05/13 07:04 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8165
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Hubby's scan was Good. happydance We both want to Thank everyone for their prayers and positive thoughts. A trip to Target is on the agenda for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, Biscuits with Sausage Gravy, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#892242 - 06/05/13 07:08 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8004
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers,have a nice day. smile wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#892254 - 06/05/13 07:55 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14719
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. I have the day off! yay devilchili tomato broccoli taz woot Where was I? Oh yeah....the day off! Have a great day everyone. Oh yeah....and please do a little exercising.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#892280 - 06/05/13 10:00 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Midge]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9447
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#892335 - 06/05/13 01:45 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13757
Loc: northern Wisconsin
lol Joe your poor sister. You better hope that she don't find her way to Gameboomers looking for you. lol Early rise is OK when you look at the early home part. Thanks for the laughs!

Ana have fun at class tonight. I will be out with the taxi! If you are out of the corner have fun, but then I know you will. lol It is cold and windy and rainy here.

Gerry thanks for the coffee. Hits the spot on a cold day! Have a lovely day!

Sharon hope all is going well for you! Happy gaming!!

Gail enjoy the day. When do the girls get out of school or are they already out? Have a lovely day!

Connie.....that's what friends are for!!!! HUGS! That is wondedrful news about hubby's scan! happydance Have fun shopping and thanks for the treats!!

Midge how wonderful to have a day off, enjoy!! I do every day walking four times with Sassy!! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#892351 - 06/05/13 02:40 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14710
Loc: Massachusetts
Connie, Yay! So glad the results were good. bravo

Haroula, happy day!

Midgie, Are you happy? lol

Nan, girls get out June 17th. rah
_________________________
Gail

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#892365 - 06/05/13 03:24 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9656
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Half way to the weekend Boomers. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#892372 - 06/05/13 03:51 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42533
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

The boys are here for a week. Flashback to having young kids rotfl They have been full of high spirits today. Tomorrow I will get them out to the park before the heat of the day sets in. (I hope) They are funny to be around, for sure. They are very much in the pick-on-my-brother phase now, so I have to keep an ear and an eye out.

I didn't feel well when hubby tapped me this morning, so was bad and rolled over and went back to sleep. I will do better tomorrow though cos I do like getting out with hubby in the mornings....just wish "morning" was a wee bit later. whistle

The boys were pretty funny when they were talking about dinner. They asked what we were going to have and I told them that normally I cook, sometimes Soot cooks, and other times son cook, but tonight they were going to cook. They got big eyed and Per said "Are you going to help us?"

I found a recipe for pizza roll ups that they can do so that is going to be dinner followed by the milkshake of your choice for dessert.Then I will retire to the bedroom to enjoy some quiet.

Connie, so glad the news was good happydance Thanks for the biscuit bottoms. Love love them and no one here will sacrifice for me. rolleyes

Nan, be safe with the taxi. Stay dry!
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#892390 - 06/05/13 04:29 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13757
Loc: northern Wisconsin
lol L4l aren't kids great???

Oh Gail, another week and a half??? I think Friday is the last day here, but then we didn't have as many "snow days" here. lol

Off with the taxi. Have a wonderful afternoon and evening all.

wave
Nan

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