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#896573 - 06/23/13 11:44 PM Monday Mourning
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30035
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen (1903 - 1978), (Charlie McCarthy)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bad Days

Ever have a really bad day? You may want to rethink how bad it was after reading these.


1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.


2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.


3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came
down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.


4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.


5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally...


6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now! Your day's not so bad, is it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy walks into a dentist's office and flops right down on the couch.

"Doc", he says, "Here's the problem. I think I'm a moth"

"Well", says the doctor, "That certainly is a problem, but why did you come into a dentist's office?"

"The light was on."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A duck walks into a feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

The clerk tells him, ''No, we don't have a market for it it so we don't carry it.''

The duck says, ''Okay'' and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, ''Got any duck feed?''

The clerk says, ''I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor.''

The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in and asks, ''Got any nails?''

''No,'' comes the reply.

''Got any duck feed?''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."

"Ya, that will be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."

The German replies, " ya."

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A butcher in his shop, and he's real busy, and he notices a dog in the shop. He shoos him away. But later, he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note, and it reads "Can I have
12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well."

The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten pound note there. So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is well impressed, and since it's close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided.
Along comes a bus. The dog walks around the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.

Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and -Whap!- throws himself against it again. There's no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats his head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.

The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts yelling at the dog and swearing at him.

The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. "What the hell are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for heaven's sake!", to which the guy responds... "Genius my butt - this is the second time this week that he's forgotten his key!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Can't believe it's another Monday. razz

I know it's been 7 days since last Monday, but what I don't know is what happened to the other six days. shocked

Especially my days off. smirk

I think they got sucked into that black hole called work, where nothing can escape, not even a day off. smile

That's the gravity of the situation. dance

It's me fondest hope however, that in the coming days the gravity of it all, will be bested by the levity of two whole days off being liberated from the beast by golly........and by me of course. wink

I've gotta get me rest for now though.

I'm gettin sucked in at 1:00 and that'll make for a very long day.

One of two at that. razz

Have a happy day everyone.

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (06/23/13 11:53 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#896577 - 06/24/13 02:08 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65022
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and happy Monday!

I'm not trying to be prejudiced, but the wedding was the the best ever! I'm too sleepy to find a picture, but I will later. I'm a happy mom.

Have a great day everyone!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#896579 - 06/24/13 02:12 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7712
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who follow later. wave
Ana bravo smile
Have all a nice day. summer
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#896586 - 06/24/13 03:46 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Online   sad
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6048
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,and all who follow me in waveAna I'm sure the wedding was beautiful can't wait to see some pics! Coffee is on wishing you all a great day! puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#896598 - 06/24/13 05:25 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17207
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe hope the work day whooshes by! Ana, I can't wait to see the wedding pictures! I'm sure you will sleep well now that it's over! Haroula enjoy your sunshine. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Have a great day All! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#896604 - 06/24/13 06:25 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14474
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope your workday goes by quickly.

Ana, so glad it went so well. Looking forward to pics.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Sue, coffee is appreciated.

Gerry, have a great day.

Connie, enjoy whatever your plans are.

To all I'm wishing a wonderful day. puppy
_________________________
Gail

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#896609 - 06/24/13 06:50 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8082
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Midge, I hope you are feeling better today. Ana, I'm looking forward to seeing pics of the wedding. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Fruit Cups in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#896629 - 06/24/13 09:06 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13655
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs and may work fly and go well.

Ana happy that all went well at the wedding. Looking forward to the pictures.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail any fun plans today?? Have a lovely day!

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!!

A sad day here but that too shall hopefully be moving on out the door quickly, I hope.

wave
Nan

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#896645 - 06/24/13 10:00 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9372
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Monday is mahvelous!

Ana, sounds like everything went perfectly! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#896650 - 06/24/13 10:29 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42303
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I and the doggies headed out early for the park. We've been overcast for a few days now. No complaints here as that keeps it from being quite as hot. Then home for the morning routine. I think I have discovered that I might be cross-reactive to pineapple sad What's up with that? I love pineapple!

Today is book cooking. I think I'll use the slow cooker, but that means it will take most of the day.

Ana, woohoo and I'm willing to bet it was perfect!

Morning Haroula wave

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. Boys just showed up so I'm gonna need it.

Gerry, busy day for you?

Gail, what are the girls up to today?

Connie, bacon sandwiches sound yummy. What's up for you today?

Nan, hugs to you!

Darlene, happy skooshing!
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#896667 - 06/24/13 11:32 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11408
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning everyone.

Susie and Vince were over for dinner last night. Susie is doing much better but is still on medication which makes her tired.

Nothing planned for the day. Made an early trip to Wally World, nothing exciting.

What's up Nan?

Have a great day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#896684 - 06/24/13 12:38 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: flutist]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomies, hope live is good to you all!

Another busy day here, but the head is much better. Have a lot to do still till hubby and I will drive to Italy again.

Nan: I hope nothing sad happened to you my dear! Hugs and more hugs kissy

Ana: so happy for you and family hearts

I'am thinking of you my friends flowers

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#896688 - 06/24/13 12:58 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42303
Loc: Alabama
Bets, hope Susie feels herself again soon.

Evelyne, how is your headache?
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#896696 - 06/24/13 01:08 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: looney4labs]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2109
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
L4L, did you see my answer to you yesterday? What is cross-reactive?
Andrea puppy

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#896716 - 06/24/13 03:01 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42303
Loc: Alabama
Andrea, are you crate training?

Cross Reactive means that because I am allergic to ragweed, my silly body reacts to cantaloupe and honey dew as if they were ragweed. There is a big list of foods that you can react to, but the good news is that one may not be reactive to all of the foods in the list.

Off to nap a bit wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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