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#899255 - 07/05/13 11:21 PM Sleepin Saturday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29993
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
History is more or less bunk. It's tradition. We don't want tradition. We want to live in the present and the only history that is worth a tinker's dam is the history we made today.
Henry Ford (1863 - 1947), Interview in Chicago Tribune, May 25th, 1916
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The American ambassador visited the Molvanian president. In the waiting room he talked with two of the ministers for five minutes.

When he entered he said to the president, "I really don't want to bother you but I talked with two of your ministers, and my gold watch was disappeared."

So the president answered, "OK. I'll take care of it," left the room and came back two minutes later with the watch.

The ambassador said, "Thank you very much," said the ambassador. "I hope that I didn't cause any crisis between you and them."

"That's OK," said the president. "They did not notice."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."

The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on the Titanic."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man comes into a small town and starts convincing people he has super-natural powers.
He meets a guy called Georgo who is unable to walk without crutches and asks him: "George, how would you like to get rid of those crutches? with my powers I will cure your legs so that you will be able to run like a tiger".
Then he goes to a guy called Stan who stutters and asks him if he would also like to be cured.
Stan says: "O---O---Of course I w--would like t--t--that".
So, the man invites the whole town to sit in front of a big stage, where he puts Stan and George behind a red curtain.
"Ladies and gentlemen", he says, "I will now ask George to through him crutches from behind the curtain". Immediately a pair of crutches is thrown from behind the curtain, and the audience is shocked.
"Ladies and gentlemen", he then says, "I will now ask John to speak without stuttering".
A few seconds of silence pass, but John is not heard.
"John, please, speak to us".
Still, nothing.
"John, everybody came to hear you speak, please, start now".
Then a sound is finally heard from behind the curtain:
"G--G--G-----George f-fell!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.

They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and sputtering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some **** puts a swimming cap on me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.

The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.

The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.

The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Scotsman smiled and said, "Nope, I've decided ye can keep the egg!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, "Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it." He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, "Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because...because I've got heartburn."

The bartender says, "Look, lady...it's not beertender, it's bartender. It's not a martuni, it's a martini. It's not a dribble, it's a double. That's not a pickle, it's an onion. And you haven't got heartburn, You have your left breast in the Ashtray!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.

After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."

"Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."

As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."

Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin', too." Tough crowd, Sam thinks to himself. "Well, I get along with people. Don't worry, I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again, Enoch turns from the door, "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too." "Now that is not a problem," Sam says. "I've been up here all alone for six long months. I'll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?"

Enoch stops in the doorway one last time and says... "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the 2 of us there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Welcome to the weekend! yay

Most of you started your weekend 2 days ago, but had to do it without little old moi, but now I'm here to join you. thumbsup

Now let's get out there and have some fun. rah

Anybody know any good head hunting places? happydance

Any where it's cool?? lol

Guess I'll stay in, and look for them here in my house. I think I have a fair chance of finding some. thumbsup

Actually I may just get in my truck and drive around, and look for new hunting grounds.

I'm sure I'll have to use my good looks and boyish charm to convince someone to give me permission to hunt their property. think

Sure hope they're all widows.

Guys don't respond well to my boyish charms.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (07/05/13 11:24 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#899259 - 07/05/13 11:25 PM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9482
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
thanks for the jokes Joe.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#899261 - 07/06/13 12:06 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64749
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, our river is still high and it's over a foot above my area I find the heads. I am sure there are some being uncovered by the waves rocking the shore but I can't see them! I am sure you would be in the water looking, I am not so adventurous. lol

I hope you find some new rich hunting grounds. hearts

SpaceQ, have a happy day!

Have a wonderful day everyone!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#899270 - 07/06/13 02:32 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7617
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,SpaceQ,Ana and all who come in later. wave
Have a nice day. smile summer
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#899276 - 07/06/13 05:07 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17034
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana and Haroula. Coffee is ready. Hope you all have a great day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#899278 - 07/06/13 05:20 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: Kaki's Sister]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6033
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning all wave I got to sleep late danceGerry thanks for getting the coffee started wave Have a great day day everyone summer
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#899281 - 07/06/13 05:44 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17034
Loc: Marlborough USA
Great you got to sleep in Sue! Enjoy your day. It's going to be a hot one again! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#899286 - 07/06/13 06:38 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14350
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, good luck hunting.

Ana, have fun whatever is on your agenda today.

Space, good day to you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Sue, glad you got a chance to sleep in.

Haroula, happy day to you.

To all who enter I'm wishing a wonderful day. Another hot day here in the 90's.
_________________________
Gail

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#899287 - 07/06/13 06:54 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8034
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Joe, I hope you find some good head hunting grounds. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. French Toast, Sausage, Bacon, and Danish in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#899292 - 07/06/13 07:53 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 11736
Loc: Scotland
Hello Boomers!

Finally we have the sun and some warm temperatures! happydance

Wishing you all a great day!

Mary hearts
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#899297 - 07/06/13 09:36 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21207
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Hello Joe Ana SQF Haroula Connie Gerry Sue Gail Ms Mary and all who follow when your up for action today laugh

Welcome to the weekend Joe .. it's been great .. good luck and keep an eye out for L4L

We're having another rainy day .. a town just south of us in Florida has had over 12 inches of rain in the past 48 hours--whoa!

Life is good--I've been relaxing with WOM these past days sleep

Take care everyone and enjoy your SuperSaturday!

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#899300 - 07/06/13 09:39 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5372
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good luck with the head hunting, Joe. lol

Have a good day, Space Quest.

Have a wonderful day, too, Ana.

Enjoy your Saturday, Haroula. Looks like you've zoomed past me on the post count. grin

Thanks for the coffee, Gerry. Anything flavored? grin

Glad you got to sleep late, Cailyn. dance

Gail, it's going to be like that here, too. Hope you're keeping cool!

Thanks for the delicious breakfast, Connie. thumbsup

Glad you're getting some sun and a warmer day, Mary.

Wow, that's a lot of rain, soot. eek Hope it's less for you. Have fun with WOM.

Well, I'm off today. Thorsgoats and I will be having breakfast soon. It's very hot outside today, a good day to stay in and game. grin

Hope everyone here has a terrific Saturday. summer

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#899313 - 07/06/13 10:17 AM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42206
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Still raining. Down in Panama City, Florida they had over a foot of rain in 24 hours.

We are sitting and sipping. Cully is up. Son and Per are still sleeping.

Soot and I watched the 3rd Narnia movie last night. I liked it.

Not sure what we will do today, but I'm guessing, not much! Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#899343 - 07/06/13 12:06 PM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2062
Loc: Lexington, Texas
There's a new C I A in town -cruelty intervention advocacy. Members go after people who hurt animals or hoard them. Isn't that great. I should join. The news was on this morning's Wallstreet Journal/radio.

Well, I just cleaned out the keyboard -too many cheeto and dinner crumbs lodged between the keys. Maybe I won't type so many spelling errors now.

It's 11 AM and only 106 out on the back porch. Looks like a cold spell in the making. BTW 2 of my kits are meowing nonstop this AM and they have been feed, watered, and lushed over. Should I be concerned as the rumors are if pets act differently that there's disaster of sorts soon. Pets are so smart.

I just might order Howard Garret's "The Bug Book" for myself and family -5 books- but it would be fun id'ing all these strange bugs.

On to the games


Edited by Yankee Clipper (07/06/13 12:41 PM)
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#899351 - 07/06/13 12:41 PM Re: Sleepin Saturday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42206
Loc: Alabama
Yankee, do you guys have lots of odd bugs?

I've always heard that animals can predict earthquakes. Are there any fault lines in Texas?

Kids are brunched. Per was aghast when I told them they were eating breakfast and lunch. "Do you mean we don't get breakfast when are here anymore?"

Then I explained if one eats breakfast at 11 in the morning, one will not be hungry for lunch until late in the day which will make them not hungry for dinner and so on.

Then we had to talk about how one obtains something from their younger brother...snatching it and scratching younger bro's face in the process, or asking politely? They really need to run off some energy, but between the nonstop rain and the mosquitoes, that is not going to happen soon. sad
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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