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#899639 - 07/07/13 07:26 PM The M Word Again
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32193
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. ''You've got to have a room somewhere,'' he pleaded. ''Or just a bed, I don't care where.'' ''Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,'' admitted the manager, ''and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.'' ''No problem,'' the tired Marine assured him. ''I'll take it.''
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. ''How'd you sleep?'' asked the manager. ''Never better.'' The manager was impressed. ''No problem with the other guy snoring, then?'' ''Nope, I shut him up in no time,'' said the Marine. ''How'd you manage that?'' asked the manager. ''He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,'' the Marine explained. ''I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me.''

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week."

The only cow in a small town in Poland stops giving milk, so the villagers buy one from Minsk for only 1,000 rubles.

Because the cow is so wonderful, they buy a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.

However, whenever the bull goes near the cow, the cow moves away.

The people are upset and decide to talk to the sage.

They tell him what's happening: "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from behind, she moves forward."

The sage thinks about this for a minute and asks, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people are dumbfounded. "Yes," they say. "How did you know?"

The sage answers sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.

A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.

After the last child is born her second husband also dies.

Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.

At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,

"At least, they're finally together."

A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?"

The priest says, "I mean her legs."

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas.

A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz.

They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes.

Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."

Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."

Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?"

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

You probably don't want to know how I really feel about today, so I'll just lie about it. razz

YAAAAAA IT'S MONDAY!! I love Mondays. hearts

I'm so happy the weekend is over and I get to go back to work. woot

I especially like it because I get to get up at 3:30. yay

I wish I could share my good fortune with all my friends. wink

When I get to work I'm going to give my boss a great big hug. snicker

Come on everybody. Let's all hold hands, and sing a happy song. Don't worry if you can't sing, just make a joyful noise. rah RAH RAH!

Have a happy day everyone.


Edited by gymcandy1 (07/07/13 07:27 PM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#899646 - 07/07/13 08:21 PM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75358
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I don't think anyone should have to get up at 3:30. It's an ungodly hour.
Hubby goes back to work today after ten days off. I liked having him home because we could stay up until 1ish every night. Back to going to bed by 11 and watching a show before we go to sleep.

Daughter comes home from her honeymoon tonight. They had a wonderful time. yay

Have a happy day!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#899648 - 07/07/13 08:39 PM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 27726
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Oh my .. I can't believe it's time for M-day already .. oh well, guess it's time to go back to work.

3:30 Joe!!! Wow, you must have one of those old fashioned clocks .. I bought one from Amazon that doesn't have those wee early morning hours .. you need to get a new clock Joe

Say hi to daughter and SIL Ana .. have fun

Have a great day everyone wave
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

#899660 - 07/07/13 09:09 PM Re: The M Word Again [Re: soot]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! 3:30 in the morning! Ouch! eek That hurts! Hope your Monday goes easy peasy!

Hey, Ana! Sounds like back-to-normal schedules for everyone! Hope your Monday is mahvelous!

Howdy, Soot! Back to work for me, as well! Happy Monday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Still Sunday evening for me....

Had a most lovely loooonnnggg holiday weekend. Full of family and relaxation!

Now, back to work.


To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#899667 - 07/07/13 09:15 PM Re: The M Word Again [Re: Darlene]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15321
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio

Have a great day Joe. happydance
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#899681 - 07/07/13 11:11 PM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75358
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
soot, hope your day back to work is kind to you.
I have to pick up daughters and SIL puppies from the sitter. They will be exhausted! puppy

Darlene, so glad you had a fun relaxing weekend. I hope your week is kind to you also.

SpaceQ wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#899692 - 07/08/13 02:42 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning everyone,hope you have all a nice day. happydance
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#899705 - 07/08/13 05:18 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22789
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, soot, Darlene, SpaceQ, and Haroula. Hope you all enjoy your monday! Stay Cool! cool

#899715 - 07/08/13 06:06 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7732
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#899718 - 07/08/13 06:31 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10255
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Ana, I don't get in the pool unless the water temp is like warm bath water. Not sure what's on the agenda for today yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Fresh Fruit in the NC. summer

#899741 - 07/08/13 09:32 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Morning Joe, Ana, Soot, Darlene, Space Haroula, Venus, Gerry, Connie, and everyone not here yet!

Wishing everyone a wonderful start to the workweek. taz

#899747 - 07/08/13 09:45 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47570
Loc: Alabama
Off to the vet with Keoki and Skywalker. Back later. Ya'll be good wave
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#899754 - 07/08/13 10:02 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: looney4labs]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California

Good morning, again, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#899758 - 07/08/13 10:13 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe may work fly for ya and those mowers sell. Thanks for the laughs.

Ana nice that you will pick up the grandbabies!!! Glad that daughter and sil had a wonderful honeymoon!!!

Haroula have a lovely day!!

venus may work be fun and fly! Happy working!!!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Connie have fun what ever you do! Thanks for the danish!

Gail have a lovely day and hope it cools a little!

Darlene glad you had a long and relaxing time off. May all go smoothly today!

Space have a lovely day!

L4l good luck at the Vet!!!

Soot may back to work go well and time fly!


#899766 - 07/08/13 10:28 AM Re: The M Word Again [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11505
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Going to be a hot day. Low to mid 90's. Going to Sam's this morning, then staying in the rest of the day.

Went to Susie's for dinner last night. Good food, good company.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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