My dreams were all my own; I accounted for them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed - my dearest pleasure when free.
An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the same bandit had robbed the bank 3 times successively.
"Did you notice anything special about the man? I mean, did he ever change his appearance?" asks the agent.
"Yes," replies the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
A Scotish man was at a baseball game.
It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the mound, he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run, Run."
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scotish man was now exited and ready to get into the game.
The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotchman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run man, rrrun!"
Everyone around him started laughing. So the Scotchman, extremely embarrased, sat back down. A friendly fan, seeing the Scotchman's embarassment, lened over and said, "He can't run - he got four balls."
The Scotchman then stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man...walk with pride!"
A man walks into a doctors office. He says, "Doctor, I'm suffering from silent gas emissions. All day at work, I have these silent gas emissions. Last night during a movie, I had 10 silent gas emissions. This morning in the car on the way to your office, I had five silent gas emissions. And while waiting in your waiting room I had three silent gas emissions. Right now, as a matter of fact, I've just had two more."
The doctor replied, "Well, the first thing we're going to do is check is your hearing!"
During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish - the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe
A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday.
The Jewish men were dumbfounded. Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish
The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else will hear and said... Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English.
On one sunny afternoon in a farm there are three bulls - elder, middle-aged, and a young - talking to each other about a new bull moving-in to their farm.
"I'm here in this farm for more than 50 years now. And I earned my rights to have 50 cows during the years. I'm not sharing one of my cows with that new bull coming-in." grumbled by the elder bull.
"I've been here for 30 years and I earned my rights to own 30 cows and I don't neither desire to give any of my cows with that new bull." growled the middle-aged bull.
"I only been here for 10 years and I know I earned my 10 cows as much as you guys do. I will not give even a single of my cow." says the young bull.
Suddenly, a huge steel-container truck came by. Inside is the new bull they are discussing about. It's the biggest son-of-another-bull they've ever seen in their whole life. Every step it took shake the whole ground.
"Well, I've been here for quite some time now. It doesn't hurt a bit to give some of my cows with our new guy." exclaimed by the elder bull.
"I'm a friendly bull, perhaps I can give some of my cows with our guy for a welcome present." told by the middle-aged bull.
The young bull was shaking his horns, puffing, and all as if ready for some deadly fight.
The elder bull said, "My son, let me give you quick advice, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
The young bull replies "Heck, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
That's a lotta bull!
Good morning everyboomie.
Happy Hump Day to you.
Happy Hump Day 2 u.
Happy Hump Day dear Boomers.
Happy Hump Day to yew.
and many more....
Now how can that not put a smile on your face? I KNEW IT!!
I can hear you all smiling.
You're very noisy smilers.
Or, are you laughing at my singing???
Have a happy day everyone.