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#906229 - 08/06/13 06:41 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30113
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
Sir Winston Churchill
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip are entertaining the King and Queen of Tonga, during the visit they accept a customary ride in the horse drawn cart around the grounds of Sandringham Castle.

During the trip one of the horses forts and the sound and smell carries all the way through the cart to the royals. Embarrassed by this, the queen whispers in Phillip's ear "do you think I should mention that to our guests?". Phillip agrees saying "yes, that would be a good idea".

So the queen leans over to the the King of Tonga and says: "please do excuse me, I'm very embarrassed about that", to which the king of Tonga replies, "that's ok ma'am, I thought it was the horse".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Texan finally said "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

- Oops!
- Has anyone seen my watch?
- That was some party last night I
can't remember when I've been that
drunk.
- [blip]! Page 47 of the manual is
missing!
- Well this book doesn't say that...
What edition is your manual?
- OK, now take a picture from this
angle. This is truly a freak of
nature.
- Better save that. We'll need it for
the autopsy.
- Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen,
then what's that?
- Hand me that...uh...that
uh.....thingie
- If I can just remember how they did
this on ER last week.
- Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml
of this stuff before?
- [blip], there go the lights again...
- Ya know, there's big money in
kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two
of 'em.
- Everybody stand back! I lost my
contact lens!
- Could you stop that thing from
beating; it's throwing my
concentration off.
- I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
- Well folks, this will be an
experiment for all of us.
- Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean,
right?
- What do you mean he wasn't in for a
sex change!
- What do you mean, he's not insured?
- This patient has already had some
kids, am I correct?
- Nurse, did this patient sign the
organ donation card?
- Don't worry. I think it is sharp
enough.
- What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
- I don't know what it is, but hurry up
and pack it in ice.
- Let's hurry, I don't want to
miss "Bay Watch"
- That laughing gas stuff is pretty
cool. Can I have some more of that?
- Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that
one, he's still moving.
- Did the doctor know he would look
like that afterwards?
- Of course I've performed this
operation before, Nurse!
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mrs.O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "and how is Mrs.O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?" She replied "That you did Father." The priest asked, "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet Father," said she. "Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again. "Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles -- ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's gone to Rome. To blow out the [blip] candle!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey Sen~or, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guiness sits down and says "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guiness?" and the Guiness resident replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Two down, and four to go, and I wished to heck they would get gone already. razz

The heat is unmerciful this week. 100 degrees plus every day. shocked

That's like double my sister's IQ......plus another 10 degrees. yes

Every day at some point during the day my shirt is soaked in sweat. smirk

Yesterday I had to take, it off and wring it out. It filled up a 5 gallon water jug.

The guys out in the garden center asked me to get them another drinking water jug after that. blush

My bad.... duh

It COULD have been strained through a stocking to filter it.

Well I've got one more early day and I've gotta get myself ready for beddie-bye.

My sister is spending the night with her best friend, and I've gotta little surprise to get ready for when she gets back.

I just hope they don't all crawl out of her bed before she uses it again. happydance

That'll blow the surprise part all to heck, and I do love hearing the surprise in her screams.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (08/06/13 06:50 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#906232 - 08/06/13 07:44 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9653
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Hope you have a great hump day Joe. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#906263 - 08/06/13 10:58 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: Space Quest Fan]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9446
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Still Tuesday evening for me....

Been sooooo enjoying my time off. One more day, then it's back to work on Thursday.

So.

To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#906266 - 08/06/13 11:23 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65537
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Oh Joe...you could really do a whole standup routine on your sister. I think you should give it a shot.

SpaceQ, you are halfway there!

Darlene, I am so glad you are enjoying your time off. hearts

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#906271 - 08/06/13 11:30 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14718
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi Joe, SQFan, Darlene, and Ana. Ana how's your rash tonight? I hope it's getting better. Well, see you on the flip side.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#906285 - 08/07/13 02:52 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7992
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe, SQFan, Darlene, Ana, Migjie and all who follow. wave
Have a great day everyone. happydance
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#906293 - 08/07/13 04:33 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6077
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning all wave I'm headed out to the gym! The coffee is on a happy day wished for all summer
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#906295 - 08/07/13 05:15 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17492
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Darlene, Midgie, Haroula and Sue. Happy Day wished for All! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#906316 - 08/07/13 07:20 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14708
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day.

Ana, enjoy whatever you have planned for the day.

Space, good morning.

Haroula, good day.

Darlene, enjoy your tome off.

Sue, thanks for the coffee. Enjoy the gym.

Gerry, a good day wished for you also.

Midgie, do you have the day off today?

Got a Doc appointment this morning. Be back later. wave
_________________________
Gail

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#906319 - 08/07/13 07:23 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 11745
Loc: Scotland
Hi Boomers! Hope everyone is feeling well! Ana, hope they get to the bottom of what's causing that rash. kissy

We're having some remedial work done to the outside of the house today, we had the roof and guttering repaired last year and the work today will take care of the rest before winter sets in. The guys who do the work are the best in terms of quality and price so can't ask for anything better than that! happydance

Off to find another room to blitz! Have a great day guys!

Mary hearts
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#906351 - 08/07/13 10:06 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5626
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello, everyone. wave Just a quick stop-by today, as I'm going to see my friend. We're going to spend the day together, and then she needs someone to watch her daughter for the next four Wednesday late afternoon/evenings. So busy day for me. smile

Hope everyone here has a terrific Wednesday. summer


Edited by venus (08/07/13 10:07 AM)

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#906357 - 08/07/13 10:18 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14718
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning again. Hi Gail wave yes I have the day off today. I'm hoping to spend part of it with my best friend. Maybe for lunch. We'll see. Ana how's the rash today? I hope it's gone. Venus have a great time with your friend. Do something fun.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#906360 - 08/07/13 10:40 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5626
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Thanks, Midge. Just had a change of plans, though. lol Enjoy your day off. thumbsup

Well, my friend just called me. Her husband came home early today because of the rain (he works outdoors), and he's going to be able to watch their daughter. So looks like I'm down to three weeks instead of four. smile

So, day off - gaming, singing. woot Well, I'll sing when Thorsgoats leaves this evening, anyway. He's working overnights for the next two weeks. smile

Okay, off to see what I can get into around here. Have a great day, everyone. wave

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#906362 - 08/07/13 10:46 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Midge]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning my friends wave

Joe: I love your sister jokes. Or... maybe they aren't jokes at all? grin

Ana: just read about your rash. Boy that is a real bummer. You poor girl. I hope you'll get it under control soon. Is someone from the organization team paying for the meds? Big hugs kissy

I had lunch with sis and Mum and we had a lot of fun. Mum is doing all right. Still plaster on her broken arm and they will take it off (the plaster I mean) only in approx 5 weeks they say in hospital. And it's hot hot here in Switzerland. Poor Mum. But we help her a lot. We go shopping and do pre-cooking for her and opening cans and cutting bread and... you name it lol

Tomorrow, I promised myself, I'll try to get over my procrastination. I really should start working on the commission work....

I wish you all a wonderful day. Keep smiling grin

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#906370 - 08/07/13 11:32 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65537
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I ended up turning on the AC last night to get the humidity out. It was giving me a headache and making me more itchy. It helped so I could get a better nights sleep.

To those that asked if my rash is getting better, I am still in the stages of getting worse daily. It can continue to get worse for 21 days before beginning to heal. sad

On the bright side, I am a glutten for punishment and I have a team of 5 registered for the next Spartan Race in Wisconsin in November. We are called Captain Crunch and the Cereal Killers and I am Fruit Loops. rotfl I can't let this deter me.

Evelyne, good luck on your commissioned work. Once you start I am sure you will find the motivation to continue. hearts
You are a wonderful daughter. kissy

Venus, enjoy your day off.

Midgie, glad you have a day off and hope you and your friend have fun.

Mary, it's great to find someone reasonable that does good work. Hard to find!

Gail, I hope the doc appt goes well.

Gerry, have a happy day!

Sue, enjoy your workout.

Haroula, have a great day.

I'm off to run the dogs...

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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