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#914223 - 09/18/13 01:50 AM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29786
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
There's a rule in acting called, "Don't play the result." If you have a character who's going to end up in a certain place, don't play that until you get there. Play each scene and each beat as it comes. And that's what you do in life: You don't play the result.
Michael J. Fox (1961 - ), Good Housekeeping, June 2011
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free back to school shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an Oklahoma jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Sooner fan and I would like to wear this to school".

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother".

Off goes the little lad with the Oklahoma jersey in hand and finds his mother.

"Mom?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be an Oklahoma fan and I would like to buy this jersey".

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"

Off he goes with the Oklahoma Jersey in hand and finds his father.

"Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be an Oklahoma fan and I would like to buy this jersey".

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.

The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good son, what is it?"

To which the son replies, "I've only been a Oklahoma fan for an hour and I already hate you Texas bums."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

"Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was terrified. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
"Da-ad..." "What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
"Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
"Five minutes later...
"Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A father watched his five-year-old daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied. "That's a Daddy
Longlegs." Her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her
foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, daddy, that might be accepted in California and Massachusetts but we're not having any of that in Oklahoma!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim's Grocery Store.
The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.

To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel - they say - because it's bigger.

One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

And Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Sometime today I expect to finish and post this diner. razz

It's my fervent hope that I get it posted before you're all up and ready come in. smirk

Even more so I hope I get it done before my body is paralyzed with sleep. sleep

I usually don't get much done while asleep. duh

I seem to lose all ambition. tired

Not that I'm an ambitious person..............any more.

I just mean that I lose ALL ambition other than the basic urge to breath. (sigh)

I may also scratch an itch or do something physical, like roll over. rolleyes

It's 12:49.

Time for my coma.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (09/18/13 01:53 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#914225 - 09/18/13 02:14 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6908
Loc: Greece
Have a happy day also Joe and all who come in later. smile wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#914233 - 09/18/13 04:26 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5954
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula wave I'm rushing off to the gym,coffee is started wishing you all a happy day! puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#914235 - 09/18/13 05:21 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16314
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe happy dreams! Haroula hope it has gotten cooler for you. Cailyn don't overdo at the gym. Wishing everyone a stress free day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#914245 - 09/18/13 05:58 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13758
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for all the funny jokes.

Haroula, have a wonderful day!

Sue, thanks for the coffee before you rush off.

Gerry, a stress free day wished for you also.

To all who come into the Diner today I'm hoping it's a great one! A brisk walk this morning and Family Night at church tonight.
_________________________
Gail

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#914248 - 09/18/13 06:09 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16314
Loc: Marlborough USA
Hi GBC. Thanks I could use one too! It will be a chilly walk for me this morning as well! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#914253 - 09/18/13 06:28 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7810
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and BB Pancakes, in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#914259 - 09/18/13 07:46 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14468
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. Oooh Connie, thanks so much for the BB pancakes yumm. Thanks Joe for your openers. Hi Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail, and everyone who comes through the door today. What a great place to come to share coffee, tea, and breakfast with friends. I have the day off today. yay To borrow one of Ana's sayings....life is good.

Have a great day. Please don't forget to exercise. smile

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#914262 - 09/18/13 08:24 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 13922
Loc: Unionville
Good morning to all wave Hope everyone has a wonderful wednesday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#914277 - 09/18/13 10:05 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9152
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy Hump Day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#914279 - 09/18/13 10:11 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63372
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi ho, hi ho...it's off to Insanity class I go. yay

After that, if the rain holds out I will run the dogs and then spend the rest of the day in the corner. yay

Have a happy day everyone! And Yes Midgie, Life is indeed good. hearts
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#914281 - 09/18/13 10:40 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13276
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy your day off! Thanks for the chuckles!!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee! Enjoy gym and have a lovely day!

Gerry a stress free day to you also!! Have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Gail by brisk do you mean cool air or a little faster speed? lol Course if it is a little cool one usually does walk a little faster. lol Enjoy family night at church and have a lovely day!

Connie have a lovely day what ever you do and thanks for the danish!

Midge enjoy your day off. How is your mom doing?? Good I pray! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene may all go smoothly today at work! Have a lovely day!

Ana enjoy dance class and I hope the rain holds off for you so you and the dogs can make a park run! May the project move right along for you. Have a lovely day!

Not so brisk here as the temp only dropped to 57 last night but it is cloudy and threatening rain while misting out so a little shorter walk this morning.

No plans till taxi time. My youngest granddaughter is stopping by later when she goes for her job interview!! Hoping she gets the job!

wave
Nan

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#914288 - 09/18/13 11:49 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63372
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, I hope GD gets the job! Sending positive thoughts. No dance today, just Insanity class. It went great and I feel ready to start the day. yay

Off to run the dogs in a few and then time to focus. lol
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#914295 - 09/18/13 12:50 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Ahhhh, son is out the door to work. He'll be home tonight but not till well after my bedtime. I have no idea why they schedule him like that.

Doggies are curled up and I'm going to sit and surf for a bit wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#914308 - 09/18/13 03:39 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6908
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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