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#923580 - 11/09/13 10:19 PM Sunday's Finer Diner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32195
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

Once there was this guy named Bill, and his favorite sport was driving around in his truck hitting lawyers. One day as Bill was out running over lawyers and having tons of fun, he saw a priest hitchhikingon the side of the road.
Mistaking him for a lawyer, Bill almost hit him, but swerved away at the last second. Feeling terrible, Bill offered to give the priest a ride.

So Bill and the priest are driving along, neither of them saying much, when Bill saw a lawyer walking along. He immediately recognized him by the trail of slime he left in his wake. Getting all excited, Bill sped up in hot pursuit of the lawyer. At the very last second, Bill remembered the priest sitting in his truck with him, and he swerved out of the way. Relieved to have missed the lawyer, Bill turned to the priest. "Father, I almost hit a lawyer!" Bill cried.

"Oh dont worry my son" the priest replied. "I got him with my door."

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asked, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner said, "No."

The attorney then asked, "Did you listen for a heart beat?", and again the coroner said, "No."

Then the attorney asked, "Did you check for breathing?", and again the coroner said, "No."

"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

The coroner, now tired of the brow beating said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnite, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.
An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

Replied the governor: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."

A lawyer and his brother were hunting. A mountain lion jumped out in front of them and started snarling.
The brother said "What should we do?"
The lawyer said "I'm gonna run for it."
The brother said "You can't outrun a mountain lion!"
The lawyer said "I don't have to outrun HIM-- I only have to outrun YOU."

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

An old miser, because of his exceptional thrift, had no friends. Just before he died he called his doctor, lawyer and minister together around his bedside. "I always heard you can't take it with you, but I am going to prove you can," he said. "I have $90,000 in cash under my mattress. It's in three envelopes of $30,000 each. I want each of you to take one envelope now and just before they throw the dirt on me you throw the envelopes in."

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope into the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the minister said, "I don't feel exactly right, I am going to confess, I needed $10,000 badly for a new church we are building, so I took out $10,000 and threw only $20,000 in the grave."

The doctor said, "I, too, must confess. I am building a clinic and took $20,000 and threw in only $10,000."

The lawyer said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could hold out that money. I threw in my personal check for the full amount."

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I have one question for you. yes


What wuz I gonna say? headscratch


Yep, that's it! thumbsup

Don't need no lawyer for that. duh

I also don't need one to wish you all a happy day. snicker

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#923584 - 11/09/13 11:05 PM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Sunday's Finer Diner is finer than fine!

Ana! praise Woohoo! Congrats on breaking your record! Awesome!! woot

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Still Saturday evening for me...

Had a lovely day. Volunteering at church in the morning....


To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#923587 - 11/09/13 11:40 PM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75376
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good day Joe and thanks for the chuckles! lol
I hope your workday goes well.

Darlene thanks It has been a goal of mine for quite some time. Are you off on Veterans day also?

Have a happy day all!

I have my fingers crossed I can get a new pair of glasses today. I snapped mine in half last night. sad

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#923588 - 11/09/13 11:44 PM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15321
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Sunday Joe, Darlene and Ana. happydance
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#923589 - 11/09/13 11:47 PM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75376
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
You too SpaceQ!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#923601 - 11/10/13 02:01 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Have a great Sunday Joe, Darlene, SpaceQ, Anna and all who come in later. smile wave

Edited by Haroula (11/10/13 02:02 AM)
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#923607 - 11/10/13 04:41 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22796
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Darlene, Ana, SpaceQ and Haroula. Joe hope your work day flies by. Darlene nice you are volunteering. Ana hope you get your glasses fixed. SpaceQ and Haroula may you have a peaceful Sunday. Coffee is ready. A Happy Day wished for everyone! wave

#923616 - 11/10/13 06:26 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15613
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. I have to get going this morning. My alarm clock didn't go off. eek It was set for 5:35 PM. I only lost about ten minutes. oops I woke up at 5:45.It's been awhile since I got up so fast. Anyway have a great Sunday all. See you after my work shift. smile

Midgie hearts dance pumpkin taz
Just do it.

#923617 - 11/10/13 06:48 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a good one!

Darlene enjoy church.

Ana, wishing you a wonderful day!

Space, good morning.

Haroula, a happy day to you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Midgie wishing you a easy workday.

A happy Sunday to all! Church this morning then a nice quiet day. catrub

#923620 - 11/10/13 06:56 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10258
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Ana, congrats on breaking your time. bravo I hope you can get a new pair of glasses today. Breakfast out and a Sam's trip this morning. The Craft Fair was good, but it was very hot walking around. We also spent more than we intended, and could of spent a lot more. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Omelets, Sausage, Bacon, Hash Browns, Pumpkin Pancakes, and Toast in the NC. fall

#923628 - 11/10/13 08:23 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: connie]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15321
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
It smells like bacon and cinnamon in my house. Thats all I've got. I just wanted to brag a little. woot
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#923652 - 11/10/13 09:56 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 9029
Loc: the dusty desert
woot ! 'morning , fellow boomies.

nice peaceful day yesterday ,hoping for a repeat today. if it's half as warm and sunny as yesterday , it will be glorious out !

my son is coming over in the afternoon for dinner and patio clean up ,and all i have to do other than that is work in an art journal that needs to be mailed tuesday before i go in the hospital.

so it should be a restful day !

hope your day is wonderful , too !

#923656 - 11/10/13 10:22 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: niteowl07]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California

'Morning, again, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh. See you later!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#923661 - 11/10/13 10:56 AM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Happy HUMP day Joe!!! lol May work fly and go well. Have a great day!

Aw Ana hope you are able to find a place to fix your glasses today! I would be up the creek without a paddle but, oh wait, I do have a spare pair somewhere lol Have a lovely day and may the project move right along as it has been!

Darlene have fun volunteering and have a lovely day!

Space lovely smells. grin Have a lovely day!

Oh Midge what a way to wake up. Think I been there and done that a few times in life. lol

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a great day!

Oh Connie does sound like you had a good time. What fun things did you get?? Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy church this morning and have a lovely relaxing afternoon!!

niteowl think did I miss something??? Why the hospital? or you rather not tell? Sending prayers!!! HUGS!


#923669 - 11/10/13 12:01 PM Re: Sunday's Finer Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47576
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Got up a bit ago, but just made it down the stairs. Hubby stayed in bed with me this morning so son and the boys had the house to themselves.

My medications are compiled and refills called in for the month, dogs are fed, and I'm on my way to finishing off my coffee allotment. It think we are all going to see Thor today. Not high on my list, but the boys will like it.

Next on the list is to find out why the sound on my computer is no longer working......wave
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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