The great thing in this world is not so much where you stand, as in what direction you are moving.
Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894)
~~~~~~~~~~ Corporate StructureBreakdown of the corporate structure...
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD:
Leaps tall building in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Discusses policy with God
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Is occasionally addressed by God
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Talks to animals
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
Says "look at the choo-choo"
Wets him/herself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to him/herself
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
Good morning everyboomie.
FINALLY! My D.O. is here and now.
I've got a lot of things I need to do, and a few things I want to do.
The only question is which ones will get done by the end of the day.
Time will tell.
It's been a hard day's night though, and I need to put it to bed.
Sweet dreams everyone.
Have a happy day.