Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright (1955 - )
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Successful Party TestSo, how do you tell if your throwing a successful party? Just take this quick and simple quiz to find out!
Festivity Level One
Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and stand around the piano singing carols.
Festivity Level Two
Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."
Festivity Level Three
Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".
Festivity Level Four
Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing. Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test of party success, however, is whether or not the police arrive. If they do arrive, your job as host is to see that they don't arrest anyone. If they are intent on arresting someone, your job is to see that it isn't you. Following is an example of how to successfully handle this situation.
Police: "We've come in response to the complaints."
You: "Complaints? It isn't about the drugs, is it?"
Police: "No, sir, not drugs."
You: "The guns, then? They're complaining about the guns?"
Police: "No, sir. It's about the noise."
You: "Oh, that's all right then. 'Cause there sure aren't any guns or drugs here, heh heh."
[An explosion sounds somewhere behind you]
You: "Or fireworks either! The neighbors complained, did they?"
Police: "No, sir. The neighbors all fled inland hours ago. The recent complaints have come from Kansas."
[At this point a Volkswagen Bug, painted in various arcane symbols, roars out of the living room, down the hall past you and the policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree. Eight naked bodies tumble out, moaning.]
You: "There, you see? It's winding down already."
~~~~~~~~~
Supermodel WisdomON COURAGE
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind."
-- Cindy Crawford
ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE
"Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage."
-- Carole Mallory
ON POVERTY
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-- Beverly Johnson
ON FATE
"I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that."
-- Christie Brinkley
ON PSYCHOLOGY
"I loved making 'Rising Sun'. I got into the psychology of why she liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do with low self-worth."
-- Tatjana Patitz
ON ARRIVING
"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take."
-- Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island'
ON CAREER CHOICES
"My boyfriend thinks I lost my true calling to be a librarian."
-- Paulina Porizkova
ON PRIORITIES
"I would rather exercise than read a newspaper." -- Kim Alexis
ON GEOPOLITICS
"Mick Jagger and I just really liked each other a lot. We talked all night. We had the same views on nuclear disarmament."
-- Jerry Hall
ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that makeup gives me."
-- Tyra Banks
ON DEATH
"Richard doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't help it."
-- Cindy Crawford
ON TRAVEL
"I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen anything. I don't really care."
-- Tyra Banks
ON BREAKTHROUGHS
"Once I got past my anger toward my mother, I began to excel in volleyball and modeling."
-- Gabrielle Reece
ON EPIPHANY
"I just found out that I'm one inch taller than I thought."
-- Christie Brinkley
ON HEREDITY
"My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, 'What if she's ugly? You're ugly.'"
-- Beverly Johnson
ON THE BASICS
"It's very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw on an old T-shirt or sweats, it's not inspiring for your workout."
-- Cheryl Tiegs
ON INTRODUCTIONS
"I think most people are curious about what it would be like to be able to meet yourself -- it's eerie."
-- Christy Turlington
ON COURTSHIP
"The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are nearby."
-- Fabio
ON PARADOX
"Sometimes I get lonely, but it's nice to be alone."
-- Tatjana Patitz
ON THE CONSERVATION OF MATTER
"I've looked in the mirror every day for 20 years. It's the same face."
-- Claudia Schiffer
ON TRAGEDY
"The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles -- but I had on thick tights underneath."
-- Naomi Campbell
ON INSTINCT
"If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some crackers."
-- Carol Alt
ON THE CASTE SYSTEM
"We're not Prince Charles and Princess Di. We don't think of ourselves as royalty. We happen to be working people."
-- Christie Brinkley
ON OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS
"I tried on 250 bathing suits in one afternoon and ended up having little scabs up and down my thighs, probably from some of those with sequins all over them."
-- Cindy Crawford
ON ECONOMICS
"I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day."
-- Linda Evangelista
ON ZEN
"When I model I'm pretty blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't work.
-- Paulina Porizkova
ON LOGIC
"I think, If my butt's not too big for them to be photographing it, then it shouldn't be too big for me."
-- Christy Turlington
ON BODY PARTS
"I don't know what to do with my arms. It just makes me feel weird and I feel like people are looking at me and that makes me nervous."
-- Tyra Banks
ON BODY LANGUAGE
"You can usually tell when I'm happy by the fact that I've gained weight."
-- Christy Turlington
ON DEPRIVATION
"If they had Nautilus on the Concorde, I would work out all the time."
-- Linda Evangelista
ON MOTIVATION
"It was kind of boring for me to have to eat. I would know that I had to, and I would."
-- Kate Moss
ON VERSATILITY
"I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak."
-- Linda Evangelista
ON THE GRIEF PROCESS
"When my Azzedine jacket from 1987 died, I wrapped it up in a box, attached a note saying where it came from and took it to the Salvation Army. It was a big loss."
-- Veronica Webb
ON VENGEANCE
"Girls are always getting mad at each other and they tell their hairdresser to purposely mess up another girl's hair."
-- Tasha
ON BATTING .667
"I'm a pretty girl who's a model who doesn't suck as an actress."
-- Cameron Diaz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Sometime today while my love is away
I'll put on her make-up and go out to play
I'll sit on the corner and wink at the guys
Then tear off my shirt just to see their surprise.... 
Not sure where that came from.
The dark recesses, cracks, and crevasses of my mind I guess.
Now that I think of it, that's a dangerous thing to do around here anyway.
A lot of these guys really go for flat chested women.
They may think I'm my sister.
Have a super happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe! It's a good thing your sister isn't a member. 
Yes I'm in Google. 
