I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
Stephen Leacock (1869 - 1944)
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These are excuse notes that school secretaries have actually received. Some of these were in an article in the Detroit News back in the 1970s.“Please excuse John for being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33.”
“Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour throat.”
“Please excuse Joey Friday. He had loose vowels.”
“Please excuse Joyce from jim today.”
“Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.”
“Karl was hit yesterday playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.”
“John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.”
“Please excuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor.”
“Please excuse Sarah from being absent yesterday. She was sick and I had her shot.”
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
“Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father’s fault.”
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A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. For a quiz, she gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It’s hard to believe these were actually done by first grade kids (6 or 7 year-olds)!* Strike while the ………insect is close.
* Never underestimate the power of…………ants.
* Don’t bite the hand that………………..looks dirty.
* Better to be safe than…………….punch a grade 7 boy.
* If you lie down with dogs, you’ll…….stink in the morning.
* It’s always darkest before…………DaylightSaving Time.
* You can lead a horse to water but………..how?
* No news is…………………………….impossible.
* A miss is as good as a………………….Mr.
* You can’t teach an old dog new…………..maths.
* Love all, trust………………………..me.
* The pen is mightier than the…………….pigs.
* An idle mind is…………………the best way to relax.
* Where there’s smoke there’s……………..pollution.
* Happy the bride who……………gets all the presents.
* A penny saved is……………………….not much.
* Two’s company, three’s…………………the Musketeers.
* Don’t put off till tomorrow what….you put on to go to bed.
* Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and……….you have to blow your nose.
* There are none so blind as………………Stevie Wonder.
* Children should be seen and not………….smacked or grounded.
* If at first you don’t succeed……………get new batteries.
* You get out of something only what you……see in the picture on the box.
* When the blind leadeth the blind……..get out of the way.
* And the favorite:
* Better late than……………………….pregnant
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Humorous, silly, stupid and weird classified ads from newspapers and magazinesSheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
We build bodies that last a lifetime.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
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I think I need my tension adjusted come to think of it.
Good morning everyboomie.
I don't know why spell check keeps telling me that '
everyboomie' is misspelled.
Does anyone know a nuther way to spell it??
I had a good Saturday......well, an ok Saturday. It was cool all day, and I mowed the lawn after I got home.
Sunday is another early day running from 7 to 4 in work mode.
I don't really care for work mode.
I got a new manager for my department Saturday. They're playing musical managers again. That means I have to
'train' another one.
It's a constant battle.
Have a happy day everybody.
joe