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#974283 - Yesterday at 11:54 PM Thump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29982
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
If you ever start to feel too good about yourself, they have this thing called the Internet, and you can find a lot of people there who don't like you.
Tina Fey, Golden Globes Acceptance Speech, 2009
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Signs Of The Times

Apartment building sign:
"No baby carriages or foreign cars allowed in the lobby."

Bar sign:
"Lunch now being poured."

Chinese Laundry sign:
"We don't tear your clothes with clumsy machinery - we do it carefully by hand."

Church sign:
"You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, you can ignore this notice."

Divorce Lawyer's door:
"Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back."

Miss Piggy's sign:
"Never eat more than you can lift."

Newspaper headline:
"County officials talk rubbish."

Plumber's sign:
"Do it yourself. Then call us before it's too late."

Psychiatrist advertisement:
"A cure guaranteed or your mania back."

Restaurant Diner sign:
"Everything comes to him who orders hash."

Restaurant Sign:
"Our tongue sandwiches speak for themselves."

Scottish Golf Course sign:
"Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling."

Teamwork sign:
"Only dead fish swim with the stream."

Truck sign:
"Pass with care - I chew tobacco."

Orthopedic Surgeon sign:
"Never accept a drink from a urologist."

Taxidermist sign:
"If called by a panther, don't anther."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sister Logical

Two nuns went out of their convent to sell cookies. One is known as Sister Mathematical and the other as Sister Logical. It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

Sister Logical: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?

Sister Mathematical: Yes, I wonder what he wants.

Sister Logical: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

Sister Mathematical: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

Sister Mathematical: It's not working.

Sister Logical: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

Sister Mathematical: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

Sister Logical: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go the this way. He cannot follows us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then, Sister Logical arrives.

Sister Mathematical: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

Sister Logical: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

Sister Mathematical: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

Sister Mathematical: And?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

Sister Mathematical: Oh, dear! What did you do?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

Sister Mathematical: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

Sister Logical: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

Sister Mathematical: Oh, no! What happened then?

Sister Logical: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love Tips By Kids

Some great tips on love and relationships by kids between the age of 5 and 10...


WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorants are so popular." (Jan, 9)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
(Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE:

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU":

"The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (michelle,9)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy,8)
~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It seems like forever since I had a day off, night off, and don't have to work tomorrow. yay


It's like the trifecta of the working world day off. snicker


I didn't actually accomplish much yesterday, except getting a haircut, so today I'll have to make up for it by doing nothing all day. thumbsup


I did take Baby out for a long walk, in the heat. The 100 degree heat. razz


She loved it of course. lab


That 100 degree range is the same forecast for at least the next 7 days. hardwall


If it's any more than that I may kill someone.........or just send my sister to live with them, and make them wish they were dead. evil


Have a happy day everyone.



joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#974292 - Today at 03:55 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7596
Loc: Greece
lolGood morning Joe and all. wave
Have a happy day. happydance summer
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#974296 - Today at 05:00 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16991
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Joe enjoy your day off. Haroula have a nice day too. Coffee and tea are ready. Wishing everyone a peaceful stress free day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#974301 - Today at 07:34 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8021
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. It's quiet in the diner this morning. To all here and all that follow, have a Great Thump day. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#974304 - Today at 08:08 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14323
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs. Try to stay cool.

Haroula, have a great day!

Gerry, I'll have a cup of that coffee please.

Connie, enjoy whatever the day brings.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day!
_________________________
Gail

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#974307 - Today at 08:29 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42176
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday, ya'll puppy

Hubby and I popped up before the sun to take the monkeys walking. Holy Moly, it was already 77 at 5:30 and humidity was in the 90's. Ick, Ick, and Triple Ick! Weather man says heat indexes will be about 100 for the next several days. Thank you Lord for AC.

The sky was pretty though. Dishes are running and I'm going to sit and sip and listen to the news. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#974313 - Today at 09:11 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 14859
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a terrific Thursday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#974320 - Today at 10:32 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13577
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy your "do nothing" day!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Gail hope it's nice enough for a Nina walk! Cool and rainy here again!! Have a lovely day!

L4l I'll try and send some of our cool rain your direction!! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#974330 - Today at 11:17 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2053
Loc: Lexington, Texas
L4L, south central Texas has Alabama beat -we have 101 forecast. It's hotttttt. Today an emergency run to HEB for black grapes for opossum Smooch. And maybe some ice cream and klondike bars. Can't do anything else in all this heat.

Happy thursday and enjoy your pets and wildlife around us
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#974331 - Today at 11:24 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7153
Loc: San Diego, CA
Ugh, high humidity all over. Hate it. My front door screen circa 1944 era (old wooden with top screen heavy door) is now sticking at the top. Never had it do that in 36 years. Annoying. Hard to pull closed and latch (old style hook and eye circa same year). Hey it works, why change?

So yesterday I had my neighbor nearer the Apartments where we always have drama, check on the story about the freeway hit and run death of one of the tenants. It definitely was our drug dealer and nice guy, Patrick. So sad. Everyone says he had, 'gone downhill' in the past few months and thought maybe he was having money problems. He never worked, was on public assistance of some kind, and then went next door to the concrete contractor guy and asked if he had a job for him. Oh oh. Maybe his assistance ran out or maybe it was just that he started using what he was selling and it got him. Sad in any case. Now the 'landlord' is putting all his larger bulky items on the curb for anyone to take. Some nice blankets out there yesterday and a mattress. The day before a huge overstuffed chair and loads of big pillows, then a microwave. Today is another grab bag and a trash can full of broken up 'stuff'. No one knows if he had family and nobody really knows why he was so far away wandering on the freeway in traffic and deliberately putting himself in danger. Guess he didn't have any real friends either. The Apartments are actually a rooming house and from what we have observed over the years, the landlord takes in anyone, no questions asked, for 500 bucks cash only and they move in and out regularly, no signs go up for rent but it's always full. At least 20 or more people live there although it's listed as a duplex. Each time someone moves out, the landlord 'sub-divides' the room into smaller rooms. He's making mega bucks a month off people who are living in rooms about the size of a jail cell, with communal bathrooms, no laundry facilities, no kitchen, etc. So sad for everyone there and all of us who live nearby and get acquainted with some of the 'regulars'. Poor Patrick RIP.

In other news, no Penelope yet although she did appear yesterday just before noon and stayed most of the day, and no Orange kitty, but that means he's feeling MUCH better. His under throat 'ouchie' is healed on the left side! Nice pink/white skin there and the wound is about 1/2 of what it was. Looking good for a complete recovery. Might end up with a bald under throat though. Will have to wait and see. He will probably show up later or tomorrow. I really think he's out hunting mice. Fresh food is so much better than canned? kitty
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#974359 - Today at 03:22 PM Re: Thump Day [Re: Sorta Blonde]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9329
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your Thump Day!

Good afternoon, sweet 'Boomies!

Home with a migraine, and slept all morning. Having my first cup of coffee...

Off to see what's afoot...
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#974360 - 59 minutes 23 seconds ago Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64667
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! I have a lot to do in the corner and I got a very late start. Apparently I turned off three alarms and woke to a text message at 9:30. lol It was a stormy morning and I guess the rolling thunder helped me sleep. It felt great but I feel like I'm just spending a lot of time catching up.

Have a happy Thursday!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#974361 - 37 minutes 21 seconds ago Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9458
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
We have rain here today. I hope it is nicer where you are. smile
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#974363 - 31 minutes 41 seconds ago Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2053
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Thanks for the news Sorta, it's good reading. Cats are remarkable aren't they. Several years ago somebody's orange and most friendly cat showed up and he had caught his front leg under his coller and the wound was most grevious and deep and I'm certain I saw a tendon. And blood. So I fixed him up and in 2-3 weeks he emerged quite a chipper cat. He really liked that fancy feast stuff and I named him Ulster then he disapeared. I have seen him lurking about a few times since just lurking about and most of all -no collor.

Who ever said don't do the groceries when you are hungry was very smart. Nuff said.
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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