I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cop was driving down a country road when he saw a car in the ditch. He got out of his car to see if anyone was in the car. A blonde popped her head out the window and said "Thank god officer! I got in an accident!" The officer replied with "Well I can see that! Are you okay?" The blonde looked forward and said "Well yeah... I think so." Then the officer looked around and said "Miss.... your car looks like an elephant stepped on it. How did you crash?" The blonde looked at him and said "It was so strange. I was driving down the road and out of nowhere a tree jumped infront of me, so I swerved to the other side and another tree was in the way, so I swerved again, but another one was there again, so one last time I swerved to the other side, but the [blip] tree got me, and caused me to go in this ditch!" The officer started to laugh hard. "Whats so funny?" The blonde asked. The officer took a second to catch his breath then said "Miss, theres no trees on this road for miles ahead. That was your car air freshner swinging back and forth!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A factory foreman is walking through the work area, and notices that Kawolski isn't at his station.
He asks one of the other workers if they know where Kawolski is, and the employee points straight up in the air. The foreman looks up, and there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the rafters.
"Get down from there, Kawolski," he yells, to which Kawolski replies, "But I'm a light bulb!"
The boss is -NOT- impressed, and makes Kawolski climb down and get back to work.
About an hour later, the boss is walking through the factory once again, and once again he notices that Kawolski is missing. On a hunch, he looks up, and again sees Kawolski hanging by one arm from the rafters.
The foreman makes him climb down, and chews him out, saying that if he catches Kawolski up there one more time, he's going to get fired.
Another hour later, the boss is making another round, and sure enough... there's Kawolski, hanging by one arm from the rafters.
"That's it, Kawolski," he yells. "You're FIRED!"
Kawolski climbs down, and grabs his lunchbox. As he gathers his belongings, all of the other employees stop working, and begin to empty their lockers as well.
"What's going on?" the foreman asks. "The rest of you had better get back to work right now!"
One of the employees turns to the forman and says, "Sorry boss, but we can't work in the dark."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys were out joy riding when the driver ran a red light. His friend complained, and the driver said "Don`t worry, that's the way my brother drives."
Later the driver ran another red light and again his friend complained, and again the driver distinctly replied "Don't worry! that`s the way my brother drives!"
A few miles down the road the driver comes to a green light and comes to a complete stop. His friend looked over in utter dismay and screamed "What are you doing, the light is green?!"
The driver said, "Yeah, but my brother might be coming the other way."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"What brings you before the great and powerful Wizard of Oz? What do you want?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly, "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"No problem!" says the Wizard, "Who is next?"
Up steps George Bush Senior sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I've heard its true." says the Wizard. "Consider it done. Who comes next before the great and powerful Oz?"
George W. bush steps forward, "Well, I think I need a brain".
"Done" says the Wizard.
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "What brings you to the emerald city?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. They ask, "So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you [blip]."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest goes to a hairdressing salon, has a haircut, thanks the
hairdresser and asks him how much he owes. The hairdresser replies,
"Father, you're a holy man, a man of the cloth, I just couldn't
charge you anything, it's on the house"
The priest is most grateful and says, "Thank you, my son" and leaves.
When the hairdresser goes to open his shop next morning, almost by
magic, he finds 2 gold coins on his doorstep.
Some days later, a Buddhist monk goes to the same hairdressing salon
for shave and a wax. When he goes to pay, the hairdresser says, "You
don't have to give me any money, you're a spiritual leader, a man of
the people, I just couldn't charge you anything, it's on the house."
The monk bows, shakes his hand and thanks him.
When the hairdresser goes to open his shop next morning, almost by
magic, he finds 12 diamonds on his doorstep.
The following week a Rabbi goes into the hairdressing salon to have a
haircut and a beard trim.
When he goes to pay, the hairdresser says, "No, Rabbi, I couldn't ask
you to pay anything, it's on the house, you are a learned and wise
man, go in peace." The Rabbi blesses him and leaves.
When the hairdresser goes to open his shop next morning, almost by
magic, he finds 12 Rabbis on his doorstep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm thinking it might really be morning before I finish this post, at the rate I'm going.
That's what happens when I'm really into a program on TV, and the ridiculous thing is that it's a program that I recorded.
I can watch it ANYTIME.
Ok, so I'm off today, an I'm hoping somebody sends some cool air this way, and in turn I'll send you all the Summertime sweltery, sweaty, sap sucking hot weather your little heart desires.
I don't have any real plans, but since we did get 2" of rain this week, I might just brave the snakes, the ticks, the mosquitos, the heat, and the jungle rot, and go to the creek.
I may catch yellow fever, or scurvy, but if I find an arrowpointy head I'll die a happy man.
On second thought I don't know if I can take my collection with me, so.....
...I'll be sure to wear my big rubber boots.
YAAAA! It only took me till midnight to do this.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
It's quiet in here so I'll just go to the corner and make the coffee! Happy day is wished for all 
Hope you find something fun to do today.
) I had a good time at my friend's party yesterday. No plans today. I think I will work on my singing and maybe play a game. 
We have Yeager the World Record Vertical Jumping dog,coming on Saturday to put on a show 
And I'm sure we'll be extra busy! Hope everyone is enjoying their afternoon 
Gail. I hope you have a spectacular day tomorrow. I talked with her today. She sounds really good. I wish we lived alot closer. She's in San Francisco and I'm in Massachusetts and never the train shall meet.