Super Saturdiner

Posted By: gymcandy1

Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 04:12 AM

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.



Some self-evident truths about pets...

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.

Dogs shed, cats shred.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.

We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

Women and cats will do as they please... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.


Picking Your Nose

Deep Salvage Pick
Reminiscent of the deep sea exploration to find the Titanic ship, you probe deep into your nasal passages.

Utensil Pick
When fingers, and even your thumb, just aren't enough to get the job done to your satisfaction.

Extra Pick
When you have been digging for nuggets hours upon hours and suddenly you hit the jackpot! Excitement only equalled by winning the lottery.

Depression Pick
When you're sad, and the only way to fill the void is to pick so hard and fast that the agony overcomes your feeling of remorse and depression.

Pick A Lot
What we would call abnormal amounts of picking. Anything in the three digit realm we consider a bit too much for a 24 hour time frame.

Kiddie Pick
When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom.
And the best part is, there's no time limit!

Camouflaged Kiddie Pick
When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back
the smile.

Fake Nose Scratch
When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.

Making A Meal Out Of It
You do it so furiously, and for so long, you're probably entitled to dessert.

Surprise Pickings
When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.

The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking. Also can mean automatic pick, the one you do when your not even thinking about it, at work, while talking to a co-worker, during a meeting....

Pick Your Brains
Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.

Pick And Save
When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and then you pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did.

Pick And Flick
Snot now becomes a weapon against your sister and others in range around you.

Pick And Stick
You wanted it to be a "Pick and Flick," but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.

Pipe Cleaner Pick
The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%.


Pilot Checklist

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget


Pleasing IT

How to Please Your I.T. Department

01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

Welcome to the weekend! dance

MaG feel free to take that nose picking thing out if you want. Some people may be eating their breakfast when reading this thread. snicker

I found it hilarious. haha

I spent most of my day today trying to avoid my dogs eyes as they stared at me endlessly. puppy

I did take them to the park, but boy howdy was it cold. Mostly because of the wind. It always blows when you don't need it, and don't want it, and almost never when it's 100 degrees and as humid as a hot....wet....blanket. slapforehead

I did my exercises despite my body's protest. I think I'll only do the treadmill Saturday, and let the rest take a rest. razz

I do love the weekends though, and I plan on taking in everything life has to offer on this one. snicker

Have a happy day everyone.

Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 04:16 AM

Have a great day everyone. smile
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 04:27 AM

My dogs insisted on going out every half hour all day long, Joe. I think it's my punishment for not running them. lol
Enjoy your weekend!

SpaceQ, welcome to the weekend!

Not sure what the day will be like, but going out to dinner and GameWorks with a group of friends to play arcade games, air hockey and pool. Fun night!

Have a happy day all.

Ana wave
Posted By: Drmojo

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 05:53 AM

Hi Joe Thanks for the openers lol

Hi space

Hey ya Ana, my 3 doggies do the same thing lol
Brun has learned what going by by in the car is
and now every time you go out the door he thinks he gets to
go by by grin

Hi L4L I do a lot of reading. and I watch TV and nap a little
cause it makes you real tired, also do some visiting with
other people the 4 hours goes slow smile

Thank you Gerry~ How are you doing?? how's your weather?catrub

Have a nice day everyone~Karen
Posted By: MaG

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 05:55 AM

Hi Joe,
You're bad. lol Thanks for the grins!

Hello everyone! Have a nice weekend. wave
Posted By: Haroula

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 08:36 AM

Good morning,have all a nice day. wavegirl puppy
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 10:29 AM

lab Good Morning all. You are the greatest Joe! praise Keep smiling! grin Have a great day Space and Ana. wave Karen we are having lots of cloudy days like Seattle! Thinking of you always. catrub MaG and Haroula enjoy your day. hamster Coffee and tea are ready. A Happy Day wished for you all! lab
Posted By: connie

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 01:42 PM

Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Saturday. It will be quite chilly here for the next week, winter in Florida. winter Danish, BB Pancakes, French Toast, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. wavegirl
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 01:49 PM

Hi Karen and thanks Ana. Burr it is cold here. shiver
Posted By: GBC

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 02:50 PM

Good Morning Boomers penguin

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Ana, have fun tonight.

MaG, good morning and good day!

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, hope your sun shines today.

Connie, stay warm.

Space, have a good day.

Karen, hope the day is good for you today.

Chilly here but the sun is finally shining. Got some shopping to do today. Wishing everyone a great day! joy2
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 06:02 PM

Aw Joe it is cold and windy here also and cloudy with a chance of some flurries, or so they say! Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Space welcome to the weekend and have a lovely day!

Ana sounds like some fun plans, enjoy! Have a lovely day!

Karen have a lovely day!

Howdy MaG, have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the Danish and have a lovely day!

Gail have fun shopping and a lovely day!

Off to our Lake Superior Ice Festival with a huge manmade sliding hill, pond hockey, which includes the famous "Guns-N-Hoses" game of the Police vs the Firemen!!! Should be fun, fun, fun,!!

Have a lovely day everybody!!

Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 06:52 PM

Super Saturday ya'll puppy

Boys had early early basketball games. Now home. Son is napping before work and boys are playing Wii. I think the boys may be going to work with son, but would not swear to that.

It's chilly enough that I woke to find someone left the heater on. Ick! I'm glad we have a heater but I don't like the smell or the way it dries out the air. I turned it off as soon as they all left.

Joe, love the quote. Truman is one of my favorite presidents.

Space wave

Ana, sounds like a fun evening. Enjoy!

Doc, whatcha reading now? I've been reading This Series Fun and campy.

MaG, wavegirl

Haroula, what are you up to?

Gerry, hope you have more sunny days than cloudy.

Connie, how is Outlaw?

Gail, enjoy the sun and the shopping.

Nan, that Festival sounds like a lot of fun. Glad you are getting to go!
Posted By: niteowl07

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 08:11 PM

joe , i'm with mag - you're so bad ! but they were funny anyways !

thanks for the laughs !

i needed a good joke or two after my morning from hell - just trying

to get through the weekend in one piece is going to be a major under-

taking judging by the start......sigh - that's the way it goes , i guess.

sounds like most of you have a fun day in the works happydance

good for you !

i knew it was cold when i saw my 94 year old neighbor wearing a thin

little jacket -normally she's in a t-shirt no matter what - she is tough !

i had a ski jacket on to take my re-cycling 20 ft haha and thought

i'd freeze to death

hope you all have a wonderful day , and i'll be back later on

Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 08:52 PM

Niteowl, glad you didn't freeze rotfl

Just came down from the kitchen and discovered one of the g'son has written all over my monitor. Livid doesn't begin to express how I feel. Called son and asked him to ask the boys who did it. Of course, they both denied it so will deal with it when he gets back from work tonight. It's a VERY good thing they were out the door with dad before I came downstairs and found this. mad
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 09:11 PM

Hi Gail.

Ouch looney that is rough.
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/28/17 09:53 PM

Yea, it is. He is plenty old enough to know better. Haven't yet decided what the discipline will be, but I'm not going to accept "I'm sorry" and forget about it.
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/29/17 12:40 AM

Hopefully there is a way to clean the monitor looney. luck
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/29/17 03:07 AM

Hubby will work on it once son has seen it. I can still use it, Just want to brush my screen all the time cos it seems like there is something on it. I'm just disappointed that he would do something like this.
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/29/17 04:06 AM

Good night Boomers. sleep
Posted By: niteowl07

Re: Super Saturdiner - 01/29/17 05:57 AM

'night , space wave

aww ,l4l - wonder what was going through his mind ? good you can

still use it

my day settled down nicely , and now imma do the same .

'night everyone

catrub sleep
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