GB HOMEPAGE

Sunday Sunshine

Posted By: gymcandy1

Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 02:30 AM

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

BILLY SUNDAY

`````````````

Police Quotes

These are actual police officer quotes collected from numerous people stopped for moving traffic violations.


"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

`````````````````

Politically Correct

We all know how literally impossible it is to not offend SOMEONE these days, everyone is just SO TOUCHY... So this guide will help you on how to speak about the opposite sex in a POLITICALLY CORRECT way...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER; she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

She is not DUMB; she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She has not BEEN AROUND; she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS; she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

She does not NAG YOU; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER; he prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.

He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.

He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.

He does not HOG THE BLANKETS; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.

He doesn't have a DIRTY MIND; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.

``````````````````

Practice Safe Fax

Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number.

Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedure.

Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.

Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a "professional" when their needs become too great.

Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should always be used.

Q. What happens if I do the procedure incorrectly and fax prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people fax prematurely when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start over, most people won't mind if you try again.

Q. I have a personal and a business fax. Can transmissions become mixed up?
A. Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but so long as you use a cover with each one you won't transmit anything you're not supposed to.

Q. Is getting faxed by one person the same as with another?
A. No. Even though many people (especially lawyers) would like you to believe that the longer they are faxing you the better you will like it. In reality the best fax is short, of high quality, and very graphic.

Q. There is a man I'd very much like to fax (I've tried several times) but he can't seem to keep his equipment up long enough. Is there any thing I can do to help him?
A. You could suggest that he contact a good fax therapist, such as Canon or Mitsubishi. If he refuses to take the suggestion, it would be best if you just wrote him off.

````````````````

Prison Or Work

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...


IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........You have to share.

IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.

IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

``````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


That fax joke thing is what I call 'off color humor'. snicker


My future's so bright, I have to wear shades. cool


That's what the forecast says for the next few days anyway. Abundant sunshine.


The temperatures ain't looking bad either. yes


I may have to break out the sunblock. yes


Gotta protect my Lilley white skin. lol


Have a happy day y'all. wave2


joe
Posted By: MaG

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 05:07 AM

Happy Day to too, Joe!
Thanks.


wavegirl to everybody! Have a nice day!
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 07:07 AM

Good morning Joe! We just got home from a night out with friends. I would love some sunshine, we haven't seen the sun in ages! It's depressing me already.

MaG hearts

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 10:33 AM

wave2 Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana and all. Coffee and tea are ready to start your day. My the sun shine on your day! wave2
Posted By: connie

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 01:12 PM

Good morning everyone, Have a Sunshiney Day. Breakfast out and shopping today. It is a rainy day here. Danish, Eggs, Bacon, Sausage, Ham, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Sausage Gravy and Biscuits, and French Toast in the NC. winter
Posted By: GBC

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 01:43 PM

Good Morning Boomers hamster

Joe, sounds like you'll be having some good days ahead.

Ana, hope the sun shines for you soon.

MaG, wishing you a wonderful day!

Gerry, I'll have a cup of hot coffee. Thank you.

Connie, enjoy your day. Rain and all!

Wishing everyone a super sunny day even if it rains. Cloudy/sunny day here but no snow. rah
Posted By: Haroula

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 02:12 PM

Have all a relaxing Sunday. wavegirl happydance
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 03:02 PM

Enjoy your Sunday Boomers. smile
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 04:49 PM

Aw I want to see the sun too! We have cloudy windy weather with a little dab of snow. So..... Joe enjoy your sunshine and have a lovely day!

wave MaG!! Have a lovely day!

Ana must of had a fun time!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the Danish to go with coffee. Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy the peeks of sun and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Space enjoy the rest of the weekend and have a lovely day!

wave2
Nan
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 04:55 PM

Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I are off to a play today....Because of Winn Dixie. I know it's a musical and it's about a dog. So, it should be fun! Woke up to the heater running...silly people lol Heaters and hot flashes don't mix.

wave
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 05:10 PM

thanks Nan smile
Posted By: Sorta Blonde

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 06:05 PM

Totally missed yesterday. Ugh. Spent the entire day either buying wood or nailing wood. Fun. Managed now to get 6 out of the 11 fence panels done. They are each 6x8 feet and are on a 2x4 frame.

Did you know that some 2x4's are more like IRON than wood when you are trying to nail a fence slat on them? Yeah. We found out when 5 nails in a row bent over after the second hit. Sooooo we pulled them out, got the power drill, got a drill bit just smaller than the nail and drilled it. Voila! Nail went in tight and strong. Amazing. Had to do that only on one 2x4. I'm wondering why it was so hard.

Only 4 more panels to go, then comes the building of 87 feet of nice new fence. Spoke to the neighbor guy again yesterday and he's OK with us sort of just tearing down what we need to of the OLD fence and tossing it on his property. Ya never know when you are dealing with neighbors. He will have a nice new pretty fence along that area and the 'good' side will face him. I'm making sure the 'supports/rails' are on my side so there will be no dispute when he gets the property sold. Don't want the new owners to claim it's THEIR fence. Had that problem in the past. Looked up the law, etc.

TODAY. Our local really ancient Steak Restaurant (Cafe La Maze) one town over, is celebrathing it's Anniversary. Prices are rolled back for a full Prime Rib dinner (no skimping) and the cost is: $7.99! Yep, we go every year now and stand in a long line sometimes for an hour or more just to get the yummy dinner at a ridiculous price. Fun, especially when you see people you recognize as 'regulars'. It's a really great place. Small, dark, BUSY all the time and the food is awesome. THEN back home to make 2 more fence panels. Ha. joy
Posted By: soot

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 07:37 PM

Happy Sunday SortaB SQF L4L Nan Haroula Gail Connie Gerry Ana MaG Joe and the rest of the gang when you get the chance to pop in laugh

Have a wonderful day everyone!

wave2
Posted By: Drmojo

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 08:09 PM

Have a nice day everybody wave2 tazKaren hamster
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 08:11 PM

Soot and I are off to a play. Have a great day ya'll puppy
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/29/17 10:00 PM

What did you see looney?
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/30/17 01:06 AM

Space, we just got back. Saw Because of Winn Dixie. Bodie, the dog that played Winn Dixie, was adorable. Enjoyed the play very much. It was a full house, like it used to be years ago. Stopped for Frosties on the way. Now I'm cold. Gotta go find warm clothes.
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/30/17 01:11 AM

Sounds like fun looney. smile
Posted By: Sorta Blonde

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/30/17 02:58 AM

Only had to stand in line for 1 1/2 hours to get into my favorite restaurant. Met a gal who actually was the redecorator of the place 8 years ago when they 'restored' it back to how it was in the 30's. Nice. She told us a bunch of 'surprise' details including that the 'new' wallpaper (gold foil with red flocking) is the SAME wallpaper that was UNDER 2 other layers when they peeled them back. It's a remake of the original. How neat is that? Also a 'secret cubby' that was discovered. Small place maybe used for getting around prohibition? Dunno. Nobody did. AND the huge slag glass and brass 'flower' ceiling lights (about 6 feet across) were a major fixture. She found them in the DUMPSTER! The new owners were going to trash them. Wow. They are classic to the era and I'm so thrilled she insisted they remain.

Didn't get any fencing made. Neighbor pooped out on me. I however, did manage to cut 2 more sections of braces and stack 24 concrete blocks to make another 'base' for pounding nails into the boards. Should be our last panels after I buy 15 more 2x4's. So much wood. Geez. Gonna look awesome if I ever recover from the pain in every muscle. blech
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/30/17 03:12 AM

luck Sorta.

Good night Boomers. sleep
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sunday Sunshine - 01/30/17 03:14 AM

Sorta, glad you had a good lunch!

I'm off to bed. Sweet dreams! sleep
© 2021 GameBoomers Community