Sip & Surf Sunday

Posted By: gymcandy1

Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 01:56 AM

Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair; the rest is in the hands of God.

~George Washington~

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”


I’ve been working on my PhD 
in engineering for the past five years, but my kids don’t necessarily see that as work.
As we were driving past Walmart one day, my son spotted a Now Hiring sign and suggested that I could get 
a job there.

Hoping to make a point, I asked, “Do you think they’re looking for an engineer?”

“Oh, sure,” he said. “They’ll hire anybody.”


I’d never had surgery, and I was nervous. “This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure,” the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until … “Heck,” he continued, “you have 
a better chance of dying from the 
anesthesia than the surgery itself.”


When my three-year-old was told 
to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With 
a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”


My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patient’s room to draw blood. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she 
remarked, “An apple a day keeps 
the doctor away, right?”

“That’s true,” he agreed. “I haven’t seen a doctor in three days.”


“Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: ‘I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I’m here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.’ ”

“Had a woman call 911 because she ‘had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.’”

“Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.”


My mother was rushed to the 
hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.

Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too.”


My doctor took one look at 
my gut and refused to believe that 
I work out. So I listed the exercises 
I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, 
push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot 
in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.


A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.”

“Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist.

The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never 
remember the name.”


Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. And yet they’re as popular 
as, well, a colonoscopy. Here are 
comments purportedly made by 
patients to physicians during their procedures.

“Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

“Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”

“Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?”


My teenage patient’s mother was concerned. “He must have a temperature,” she said. “He hasn’t taken our motorcycle out all day.”

“Let me ask you,” I said. “Do you have a thermometer?”

“No,” she said. “A Kawasaki.”


A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday 
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”

The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again …”


When I stepped on the scale at 
my doctor’s office, I was surprised 
to see that I weighed 144 pounds.

“Why don’t you just take off 
that last four?” I joked to the nurse’s 
aide as she made a notation on 
my chart.

A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart.

“I see you’ve lost weight,” he said. “You’re down to 14 pounds.”


Three guys are fishing when an angel appears.

The first guy says, “I’ve suffered from back pain for years. Can you help me?” The angel touches the man’s back, and he feels instant relief.

The second guy points to 
his thick glasses and begs for 
a cure for his poor eyesight. When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man 
gains 20/20 vision.

As the angel turns to the third fellow, he instantly recoils and screams, “Don’t touch me! I’m on disability!”


A medical student was told to remove the spleen from a cadaver. After he did, he kept poking around.

“What are you doing?” asked the professor.

The student answered, “I’m looking for the other one.”


Phlebotomist: I’m here to draw some blood.

Patient: But I just received blood yesterday.

Phlebotomist: You didn’t think you’d get to keep it, did you?


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

Are we ready for a great Sumday? wink

I don't think we ever got out of the 30s on Saturday. I'm not positive though because I never got out of the house. razz

I have two little dogs that are climbing the walls to prove it. taz

I don't care. I know that if I had gone to the park with them Missy would only want me to carry her before we got half way around. rolleyes

We'll see how it goes for Sunday. We going to be 42 degrees at some point. yes

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 05:51 AM

Joe, I tried to slug, but I didn't succeed. Nugget wanted to go for a hike and it was brutal blazing trails in 10 inches of snow. She finally slept when we got back and then I did dinner and a show with friends.
We saw Jumanji. It was a great movie!

If I can get myself to go, I'm still planning on canoeing. It's so darn cold out though with 4 degrees in the morning. Ugh. I want to stay in my sweats and slug!

Have a happy day all!
Posted By: venus

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 10:41 AM

Hope you and the dogs can enjoy some warmer weather soon, Joe. puppy

Have fun either canoeing or slugging, Ana. Both sound appealing for different reasons. grin

Wow, it's late Saturday night/early Sunday morning for me! I will never be a morning person, and I'm fine with that. lol I just had an especially fantastic voice lesson today. woot Sunday is going to be a relaxing gaming (and plenty of evening practicing wink) day for me. As for now, I better get some sleep. lol

Have a fantastic Sunday, everyone. winter
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 10:43 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana and everyone. Joe my temperature right now is 42 degrees and raining! grin All our snow has melted! We are expecting a high of 53!! Amazing for February! happydance All the ice has melted too. Ana are you ever going to get any warmth??
Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
car Wishing everyone a Happy Day! car
Posted By: connie

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 01:41 PM

Good morning everyone, have a Great Sunday. Breakfast out, the Home and Garden Show, and then a ride on the Orlando Eye (400 ft.). It will be in the 80's today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, French Toast, kitty Bacon, Sausage, Ham, and Biscuits and Gravy in the NC.
Posted By: GBC

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 03:22 PM

Morning Joe, Ana, Venus, Gerry and Connie, Haven't been feeling too good lately.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day! catrub
Posted By: auntiegram

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 05:22 PM

Joe we are lucky if our temp gets above that big ZERO! lol Have a lovely day!

Ana I see you are getting my snow! Enjoy it for me! Have a lovely day!

venus have a lovely day! Happy practicing and gaming!!

Gerry enjoy the warmth! Thanks for the hot coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the Danish and enjoy your day!

Gail hope you are feeling better and have a lovely day!

Soot and L4l hope you two are feeling well also! HUGS!

My daughter was taking me to dinner tonight after she is done work but she just called and she is sick so change of plans!

Have a lovely day everybody!!

Posted By: Sorta Blonde

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 05:36 PM

Feel better soon Gail, and all you other guys who are under the weather. So far I've avoided all the stuff going around here. Nothing but the usual seasonal Asthma that always happens.

Warmer again today. Nice. Sun is out, Outdoorsies are all accounted for except Tippy, who comes and goes on his own schedule. Even Mom Cat has reappeared after being very very elusive and waits at the door for breakfast now. Not sure what's up with her at all. My worst thought is she got pregnant, had one or two kittens and has them in hiding. Won't know unless I see or hear them. I'm trying to see her tummy underneath to see if she's nursing, but lots of black fur is covering everything. Hoping for now more little ones this year!
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/11/18 06:46 PM

Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Slowly improving. Soot and I will venture out to one of our plays today, and then I'll go back to bed. I would love to have pushed it to next weekend, but today is the last it's now or never. wavegirl
Posted By: soot

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/12/18 12:32 AM

Hello everyone laugh Quite a play I might add...oh yes!

Wishing everyone a super Sunday evening wave2
Posted By: venus

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/12/18 12:44 AM

Hope you feel better, Gail.

Thanks, Nan! Sorry your daughter isn't feeling well. Hope your new plans end up being fun. smile

L4L and soot, what play did you see?
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/12/18 02:51 AM

Venus, we saw a play called "Fly" about the Tuskeegee Airmen. Most excellent.

Off to bed with me. Sweet dreams all sleep
Posted By: venus

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday - 02/12/18 04:59 AM

I looked it up; it looks interesting. thumbsup Glad you enjoyed it, L4L. rah

I'm off to sleep. Good night, everyone. sleep
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