Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday

Posted By: gymcandy1

Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 12:38 AM

Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.

~Yogi Berra~

Rated NC17

Distasteful and Inappropriate Jokes woot

A guy asked at a skydiving school, "If the chute doesn't open and the reserve doesn't open either, how long until we hit the ground?"

The instructor looked at him and said, "The rest of your life."


But mum, I don't want to go to America.

- Hush child and keep swimming.


Q: Why did the one-armed man cross the road?

A: To get to the second hand shop.


Why have trips to England become so popular with Siamese twins?

It gives the other one a chance to drive a car, too.


Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk. One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"
The second Arab nods, “They blow up so fast, don't they?"


A man visits a doctor for a checkup. When it’s over, the doctor tells him he has bad news. "You have only six months to live."

The man digests it for a while and then says, "There's just one thing I can do, I have to become a Communist."

Surprised, the doctor asks, "But you've been a patriotic American all your life, why would you become a Communist now?"

The man says, "Better when one of them dies than one of us!"


I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.


Man is asked at the hospital:

How tall are you?

5'8’’, doctor.

I’m very sorry, but I’m not the doctor. I’m the carpenter.


Two turkeys are looking at the sky at dusk and one asks the other: „Do you believe in life after Christmas?“


Q: Have you heard they found a dead guy with his head buried in his cornflakes?

A: The police believed it was a cereal killer.


A stressed-looking mom and little Johnny run around the beach.

After about fifteen minutes the mom stops, out of breath and demands, „Come on Johnny, please remember where you buried daddy in the sand, will you?“


An artist asked the gallery manager if anybody asked about his paintings.

"Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news," said the owner. "The good one is that a gentleman liked your work and asked if its value would appreciate after your death. When I said yes, he bought all 20 of your paintings."

"But that’s fantastic," whooped the artist. "What could possibly be the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."


This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest.

An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin.

So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.


A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around.

„What on earth are you doing?!“ asks a passer-by. The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around.“


Doctor: "Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years. "
"But doctor, I am already 80!"
"You see - I told you to quit smoking."


What is yellow and makes moms happy in the morning?

The school bus.


Dentist’s tombstone: Here lies Frank Serra, filling his last cavity.


Do you think there’s no good news about having Alzheimer's?

You can buy and wrap your own surprise presents. Plus you are constantly making new friends.


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

It's the weekend part 2, or part b, or maybe it's not 2B if I don't get outta bed. snicker

I don't think I have any plans for the day. Wait a minute. Let me check my planner. razz

Nope! Not a single plan. dance

My Saturday was event full enough. I spent the morning at the sod farm, and did not find a single point. cry

What I did find was several scrapers, big tip, and the second axe head that I have ever found. penguin

I find it amazing that after they cut the sod, these things are laying on top of the ground. bravo

If they ever turned around and looked behind them, then I might not have found my axe head. yes

Have a happy day everyone.


Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 03:25 AM

Joe, that’s so great!!! Congrats to you! Maybe you can go again today!

Have a great day all!
Posted By: venus

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 05:54 AM

Congratulations on your finds, Joe! bravo Enjoy your no plan day. woot

Have a great day as well, Ana.

It's Saturday night, and I'm off to sleep. I just had an exceptionally good practice today. happydance Everything felt really "on" this time. I didn't record myself, so I don't know for sure. However, my cats both flocked around me when I was singing, so I take that as a good sign. grin I have no plans tomorrow except to practice some more and maybe finally fit in some Pillars of the Earth. thumbsup

Hope everyone has a fantastic Sunday. spring
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 09:20 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, venus and everyone. Joe congrats on finding an axe head! Ana enjoy your day. Venus glad your practice went so well! Coffee and tea are ready.
Wishing you all a Great day! spring
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 12:31 PM

Good morning everyone, have a Super Sunday. Breakfast out, and then the art and plant show. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Biscuits and Gravy, Ham, Bacon, Sausage, and French Toast in the NC. spring
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 03:32 PM

Super Sunday ya'll puppy

I'm hoping for a quiet day. Thinking seriously of spending the day in bed. Or not.

Have a great one

Posted By: Sorta Blonde

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 04:50 PM

Definitely gearing up for the Full Moon Tomorrow. Yesterday, back doorbell rings at 6:30 pm. It's always the middle tenants who are really great, but can't fix anything that goes wrong and either don't understand or 'choose' to not understand what is an emergency and who has to pay for certain little things.

Yesterday, again, they managed to clog the kitchen sink. Not a biggie but they figured it was up to me to fix it or pay for a plumber to come out at night to do it. Everything in the little house is simple, plumbing is joined in ONE wall. Kitchen sink and bathroom sink, link in the wall and then go down to the 'out' pipe. Toilet, goes to same out pipe in line with sinks, tub joins with the washer on the other side of the same wall. Anything going down anywhere is likely to clog everything.

I checked out all drains. Everything is running smoothly except the kitchen sink pipe just inside the wall. I know from 30 years of them living there that loads of grease and small bits of food are constantly going down the kitchen drain. My sink also gets grease and small food bits, but as soon as I see the least bit of 'slowing' I pour liquid Draino down and all is fine.

Last time this clog happened, I gave them the number of my good plumber and he cleared everything easily. Came up with food and grease clog and a small bit of hair. Tenants were advised to use drain cleaner periodically. I made them pay for the plumber for the first time ever since I took over the property. I'd been handling all the little things myself, but decided it was time to enforce the rental agreement (and I was flat broke). Cost them a whole 55 bucks (awesome plumber guy).

I've advised them a million (yes at least) to use liquid Draino but they don't seem to get the concept. Two wears ago, I actually GAVE them 12 bottles of Draino so they could use one a month. It's gone of course and I'm not sure that they actually used it or gave it away. Things I give them seem to disappear never to be seen again. An expensive PUR water filter assembly for their kitchen faucet never got installed, Solar Christmas Lights disappeared, the hose, the Draino, some simple tools (pliers, screwdriver, battery tester, etc.)

So the one little area is clogged again, adult son has yet again taken apart all the pipes under the sink and finally finds the 'pressure' thingy he bought at Home Depot that actually works well with a garden hose. Yeah, who would have known. He cleared that same clog about a year ago.

So he asks me for a HOSE. Hummmm. I remember distinctly giving him a brand NEW 100 foot commercial grade hose last time. It's missing. Huh? Never even out of the packaging. He mumbles that he used it at his 'cousin's house'. I guess he left it at his cousin's house since it's not here. OR, he returned it to WalMart for the money. I'm not in the mood to donate another 70 buck hose.

I suggest using the other tenant's hose. He's out of town and won't mind anyway. He gets that, disconnects the entire hose with the 'hanger' I'd installed on the fence (don't know why he did that and hope he gets it back the way it was). I left him and his mom to try to clear the clog and returned with a copy of the rental agreement and pointed out that 'small clogs and leaks are their responsibility'. I've done this several times already but they seem to forget.

They were expecting me to call for and pay a plumber for them, and I'm just not doing it. I have a good, cheap plumber who could come but they are hesitating. Hopefully, overnight, they cleared the clog and all will be well today. I don't sleep very well when things like this happen. It's not the 'problems' it's the way they try to convince me it's MY problem. I didn't put the grease down there and they know what to do to avoid it. I'm just hoping the clog is gone.

I feel like a nasty Landlord when I have to insist on Tenant's fixing what they are supposed to. Hopefully this will all be over and we can wait for the next emergency (which if it is, I will immediately handle). cry

Full Moon, go away!
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 07:10 PM

Joe, I think it's amazing objects are pushed upwards in the dirt; I used to see that in the desert when we lived in Nevada

Ana, how was your monthly game night? We are starting plans for a weekly D&D game night with sons and friends...should be fun

Venus, we'll be going to see "The Mircale Worker" and "Much Ado About Nothing"...not sure we've ever had a 'back to back' play experience so should be a fun date weekend hug

How about two eggs sunny side up, grits, biscuits smothered in gravy and coffee in the NC for me Gerry and Connie please

Oh my Sorta...never a dull moment in your neighborhood; hope you have a quiet afternoon yes

Mom and Dad Cardinals successfully raised two kids and everyone flew the coup either yesterday afternoon or this morning. I went out to check on everyone this morning and the nest was empty. I had seen the two kids perched on the side of the nest late Friday afternoon when I was bringing groceries in the house and thought it wouldn't be long before everyone moved. think

Wishing everyone a Super Sunday

Posted By: Drmojo

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 08:14 PM


Bella went to Rainbow bridge Friday 27th She is at peace now~ sad puppy
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 08:31 PM

YOur chihuahua? Oh Doc, I am so very sorry! My heart is heavy for you.
Posted By: Sorta Blonde

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/29/18 10:39 PM

So sorry Doc for the loss of Bella. It's always so hard to lose a furry friend. puppy
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/30/18 12:09 AM

Oh, Doc, I'm so sorry! I know you will miss her terribly.
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/30/18 12:29 AM

Karen, I am so sorry to hear the news. She will always be in your heart and memories.
Posted By: venus

Re: Joe's Sip & Surf Sunday - 04/30/18 05:36 AM

Karen, so sorry to hear that. sad That's not an easy thing to go through. sad

Good night, everyone. sleep
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