Joe's Monday

Posted By: gymcandy1

Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 12:18 AM

I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by.

~Bonnie McFarlane~

14 History Jokes Only History Buffs Will Understand

Why was WWI so quick?

Because they were Russian.

Why was WW2 so slow?

Because they were Stalin.


A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please!”


I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting. —Ronald Reagan


A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian replies, “You’ll only lose it.”


What did Richard III say when a planning proposal was submitted for building parking lot?

“Over my dead body”


Fidel Castro visits Moscow and is taken on a tour by Leonid Brezhnev. First, they go for a drink, and Castro praises the beer. “Yes, it was provided by our good friends from Czechoslovakia,” says Brezhnev. Next, they go for a ride in a car, and Castro admires the car. “Yes, these cars are provided by our good friends from Czechoslovakia.”

They drive to an exhibition of beautiful cut glass, which Castro greatly admires. “Yes, this glass is provided by our good friends from Czechoslovakia.”

“They must be very good friends,” says Castro. “Yes,” says Brezhnev,” they must


Why did Karl Marx dislike Early Grey tea?

Because proper tea is theft.


Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?

Because there were so many knights


In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. —President John Adams


Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?

Because he couldn’t lie.


What yearbook superlative was Robert E. Lee given at graduation?

Most likely to secede.


How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles?



Teacher: Can you describe for me Napoleon’s origin?

Student: ‘Course I can!


A man from the Soviet Union obtains a permit to move to the USA, and his new neighbor asks how he much he likes his new apartment, so he asks him what his apartment was like back in Russia.

“Oh, my old apartment was perfect. I could not complain.”

So his neighbor then asks him what his job was like back home.

“Oh, my old job was perfect. I could not complain.”

So the neighbor asks him what the food was like back in the USSR.

“Oh, the food was perfect. I could not complain.”

Puzzled, the neighbor finally asks him, if everything was so great in the Soviet Union, why did he move?

The man says, “Here I can complain.”


Good morning everyboomie. wave2

I know It says Joe's Monday up there, but if anybody's interested I'd let it go for a song.....really. thumbsup

You could edit the content to your liking. Just don't ask me to explain any of those history jokes, please. think

We had a very warm (some would say hot), windy Sunday. Sun day was a real good name for it. Lot's of sun. [Linked Image]

I took Missy parking, and then made a run to Walmart, and then somewhere in there, after it was already too hot, I went out and did some more tree trimming. [Linked Image]

Need to finish that like asap. The city is having it's 'trash off' this week, and everything was supposed to be at the curb (like we have curbs rolleyes) by yesterday.

I don't like much more work having it done. thumbsup

Have a great day everyone. urock

Oh yeah L4L we used to sit and listen to the old women on our block have a long-winded conversations on the party line. It really ticked me off when I wanted to call my friend, and they would not shut up. lol

Ana I can totally understand pushing off from the wall with your feet to get the mower going. I didn't have much weight at all to put behind the mower,and if the blades were not very sharp, and the grass was thick, it was pure hell to push it. blush

Posted By: family

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 12:39 AM

watching court shows and soap opera
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 12:55 AM

Great one liners Joe. thumbsup
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 02:13 AM

Joe, I was a lightweight and I don't think my dad ever sharpened the blades. lol

family, enjoy your shows!

SpaceQ, how'd you enjoy GoT?

Have a happy day all!
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 02:25 AM

Good morning Joe Family SQF and Ana

Joe, we had my grand dad's push mower and I remember my dad keeping it to top was a workout to cut the lawn...when we got our first power mower ... it was GREAT!!!!

Enjoy your shows Family

SQF ... we watched Infinity Wars today to prep for the End Game movie

Have a great day too Ana

I have a heavy schedule all week eek

Gerry...keep those Tall Dark Roasts coming thanks

L4L hearts

Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 02:43 AM

soot, I hope your busy week goes as smoothly as possible!
Posted By: Taintedfury

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 08:47 AM

Good morning Everyone... wave2

Joe sherlock soak in a hot tub followed by a irish coffee after you do the tree trimming and lawn mowing thank you for the laughs and a happy Monday to you.

Ana puppywishing you a fantastic Monday and a beautiful day...happy gaming

Soot car may your heavy week go quickly by with stacks off Tall Dark Roast's...

family labenjoy your shows and a happy Monday to you to.

Space Quest Fan dance and a Super Monday to you...

P.S i got the CT-Scans and X-rays results...Head Ct-Scans okay but the left hip has a inflammed Bursa so i have to see if i can get it done at the Footscray Hospital near Mum which would be easier - if not i'll have to go to the Epping Hospital..which is longer for i'm thinking asking doctor next time for a Ear flush to maybe help with the ringing in my head....

Happy Gaming Boomers penguin
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 09:23 AM

Good Morning everyone. Joe loved the funnies. Family and SpaceQ have a great Monday. Ana how is your Monday looking? Soot I always have that Dark Roast ready for you. Taintedfury what is causing the inflammation in the Bursa? Is it fluid? Can they drain it? Hope you can have the procedure done at the hospital near your Mum. Coffee and tea are ready.

spring Wishing a Sunny Monday for everyone! spring
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 11:35 AM

Good morning everyone, have a Super Monday. Working the kitchen for Bingo today. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. spring
Posted By: Taintedfury

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 01:21 PM

Good morning Kaki's Sister - as far as i know they can't drain it but only insert a steroid injection to ease it......i believe it could be caused by my lower back which effects my hips when i walk and the bursa...thanks for asking i truly hope you have a wonderful Monday. hug

P.s when i go for the injection i'll be asking questions on it, plus hubby is looking up stuff on it.
He found this on the internet.....
Bursa or Bursitis……..An injury can irritate the tissue inside the bursa and cause inflammation. Doctors say that bursitis caused by an injury usually takes time to develop. The joints, tendons, or muscles that are near the bursa may have been overused. Most commonly, injury is caused by repetitive movements. (A Steroid Injection is Required into the Bursa Joint)

Hiya Connie take care and i hope you goes quick at bingo., enjoy your Monday. wavegirl

G'day Looney keep cool and wonderful Monday to you as well. spring
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 03:00 PM

Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Doggies and I hit the park early (for me). We have to beat the heat for the dogs. Hubby has to be at work early this week so I'm on dog walking duty. I wish we could go later in the day, but the old lady can't take the heat.

Book cooking is on the books for the day followed by a little time in the yard with a book. Will be too hot this afternoon.

Have a great day ya'll wavegirl
Posted By: Space Quest Fan

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/29/19 09:18 PM

Good afternoon Boomers. wave

I loved Game of Thrones Ana. It is my favorite show on television.

Soot - From what I hear you are going to love Endgame. Enjoy!

Have a great evening everyone.
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/30/19 01:36 AM

Can't wait to see it SpaceQuestFan happydance

Thank you Gerry Ana and TaintedFury thanks

Good night all sleep
Posted By: Taintedfury

Re: Joe's Monday - 04/30/19 08:16 AM

Soot Your very welcome.. wave2
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