Posted By: gymcandy1
Thursday's - 09/11/19 11:48 PM
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.
~Amelia Earhart ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: Its OK. He woke up.
~~~~
Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from Nebraska." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?" The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." "Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the ugliest, nastiest woman I ever knew was from Nebraska." The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?" The husband replies, "He thinks he knows you, mama."
~~~~
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other man will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other man says, "Go home, dad. You’re drunk."
~~~~
A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?" The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family." The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man............just like mom!"
~~~~
When I was young, I used to eat a lot because my parents told me that fat kids are harder to kidnap.
~~~~
A boy was going through his grandmother's wallet one night and found her ID card. "Grandma?" he asked,"How much do you weigh?" His grandmother replied, "That's not an appropriate question, Jimmy" He then asked, "How old are you?" She again replied, "That's not appropriate, Jimmy." Finally he asked, "Grandma, why did grandpa leave you?" Before she had time to answer, Jimmy looked at the card and said, "Oh I see, was it because you got an 'F' in sex?"
~~~~
Q: What do you call the child of parents from Iceland and Cuba?
A: An ice cube.
~~~~
A little boy gets a toy plane. The boy loves his plane. He flies it all over the house. One day, the boy is in the living room with his plane while his mom is in the kitchen washing dishes. She listens to the boy playing and hears him say, "Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you mother fragging people want to get on, get on. All you mother fragging people want to get off, get off." Angry, his mom rushes into the living room, takes the plane away, and sends him into his room. After 15 minutes, she starts to feel bad and tells the boy, "If you don't use that kind of language, you can play with your plane." The boy returns to the living room, his mom to the kitchen. She listens again to the boy playing, she hears him say, "Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you very nice people want to get on, get on. All you very nice people want to get off, get off. If you have a problem with 15 minute delay, you can go talk to the witch in the kitchen!"
~~~~
Little Johnny's new baby brother is screaming up a storm. He asks his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replies, "He came from Heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "Wow! I can see why they threw him out!"
~~~~
A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric." Harry replies, "How about a chair?"
~~~~
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"
On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Holy smokes! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to your Thursday!
I'm hoping by the time I do Friday's diner I'll be typing on my new laptop.
It's a very techie week for me because I upgraded my phone and got it today (Thurs).
Now I should be set for at least a couple of years.
We're still in the mid 90s here. We have a small break Friday when it will be only 91 dgrees, then it's back to 'Hell's heaters'.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
~Amelia Earhart ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: Its OK. He woke up.
~~~~
Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from Nebraska." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?" The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." "Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the ugliest, nastiest woman I ever knew was from Nebraska." The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?" The husband replies, "He thinks he knows you, mama."
~~~~
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other man will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other man says, "Go home, dad. You’re drunk."
~~~~
A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?" The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family." The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man............just like mom!"
~~~~
When I was young, I used to eat a lot because my parents told me that fat kids are harder to kidnap.
~~~~
A boy was going through his grandmother's wallet one night and found her ID card. "Grandma?" he asked,"How much do you weigh?" His grandmother replied, "That's not an appropriate question, Jimmy" He then asked, "How old are you?" She again replied, "That's not appropriate, Jimmy." Finally he asked, "Grandma, why did grandpa leave you?" Before she had time to answer, Jimmy looked at the card and said, "Oh I see, was it because you got an 'F' in sex?"
~~~~
Q: What do you call the child of parents from Iceland and Cuba?
A: An ice cube.
~~~~
A little boy gets a toy plane. The boy loves his plane. He flies it all over the house. One day, the boy is in the living room with his plane while his mom is in the kitchen washing dishes. She listens to the boy playing and hears him say, "Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you mother fragging people want to get on, get on. All you mother fragging people want to get off, get off." Angry, his mom rushes into the living room, takes the plane away, and sends him into his room. After 15 minutes, she starts to feel bad and tells the boy, "If you don't use that kind of language, you can play with your plane." The boy returns to the living room, his mom to the kitchen. She listens again to the boy playing, she hears him say, "Vroom, vroom, vroom. All you very nice people want to get on, get on. All you very nice people want to get off, get off. If you have a problem with 15 minute delay, you can go talk to the witch in the kitchen!"
~~~~
Little Johnny's new baby brother is screaming up a storm. He asks his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replies, "He came from Heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "Wow! I can see why they threw him out!"
~~~~
A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric." Harry replies, "How about a chair?"
~~~~
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"
On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Holy smokes! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to your Thursday!
I'm hoping by the time I do Friday's diner I'll be typing on my new laptop.
It's a very techie week for me because I upgraded my phone and got it today (Thurs).
Now I should be set for at least a couple of years.
We're still in the mid 90s here. We have a small break Friday when it will be only 91 dgrees, then it's back to 'Hell's heaters'.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
