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Joe's Sept. 13th

Posted By: gymcandy1

Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/13/20 10:07 PM

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. —

~Rita Rudner~
~~~~~~~~~~~~



Visiting a college campus, the prospective student spots a building called Hemingway Hall. "That's nice," he says, "a building named for Ernest Hemingway."

"Actually," says the tour guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway."

"Was he a writer?" the student asks.

"Yes. He wrote a big check."
~~

After cashing a check at the bank, the woman in front of me stood staring at her money. "Did I give you enough back?" asked the teller. "Yes," she said. "But barely."
~~

The pastor decides to use one rich parishioner to set an example. "John," he says, "you're a successful businessman; surely you could contribute more to the building fund."

John replies, "But my mother is in a nursing home, my daughter just lost her job, and my son is starting college … If I can say no to them, I can say no to you too."
~~

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you'll put it in the casket."

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn't put the money in there."

"I did promise him I would," the widow answers. "So I got it all together, deposited every penny in my account, and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
~~

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
I didn't realize you were some kind of nut!
~~

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin' you! Give me your money fool!
~~

Freelance newspaper writers don't get nearly as much attention as writers with regular bylines. So I was delighted when I finally got some notice. It was at the bank, and I was depositing a stack of checks.

"Wow," said the teller, reading off the names of publishers from the tops of the checks. "You must deliver a lot of papers."
~~

On a billboard ad for a safe company:

"If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault."
~~

My husband, an attorney, is frequently consulted by clients who, after learning what the cost of legal services will be, decide to do without his aid. Recently the elderly minister of a small, struggling church came in with a legal problem.

After patiently listening to an explanation of my husband's fees, he left the office with a prudent: "Thank you, sir, but I believe I'll just pray this one through."
~~

Dear IRS: I'm sending you this money because I cheated on my income tax and my conscience has been bothering me. If it doesn't stop, I'll send you the rest.
~~

I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase. After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address.

It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.
~~

Pulling into my service station 45 minutes late one morning, I shouted to the customers, "I'll turn the pumps on right away!" What I didn't know was that the night crew had left them on all night. By the time I got to the office, most of the cars had filled up and driven off. Only one customer stayed to pay. My heart sank.

Then the customer pulled a wad of cash from his pocket and handed it to me.

"We kept passing the money to the last guy," he said. "We figured you'd get here sooner or later."
~~

A blonde and a brunette worked in a factory. The brunette says, "I know how to get some time off from work!" "How?" asks the blonde. "Watch this," says the brunette.

She climbs up to the rafter and hangs upside down. The boss walks in, sees her and says, "What on earth are you doing?" "I'm a lightbulb," she answers. "I think you need some time off," says the boss so she jumps down and walks out.

The blonde starts walking out, too. "Where are YOU going?" says the boss.

The blonde replies, "I'm leaving too. I can't work in the dark!"
~~

A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs.

"Well, I'll tell you" the farmer replied. "One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life".

"Oh, that's how he lost his leg?" the neighbor drawled.

"No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!"

"So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbor.

"No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed.

Exasperated, the neighbor demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?"

The farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"
~~

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
~~

A patient came to the hospital with a burned right hand.

As the doctor took down his medical history, he asked the injured man, “Do you smoke?”

Concerned, the doctor told him, "You should consider quitting."

"No, it's OK," said the patient. "I smoke with my left hand."
~~

On our commute to work, my husband stopped at a convenience store for coffee. As he got back into the car, I noticed something odd.

"Turn your head and look at me," I said. "You have a Q-tip sticking out of your ear."

As he pulled it out, he replied, "No wonder the guy in there asked me if I was getting good reception."
~~

Hello everyboomer........{{{{FOOTBALL!!}}}} joy


Need I say more? lol


It's been a pretty great day so far. 'The Washington Football Team' beat the 'Philadelphia football team'. Totally unexpected. woot


Then I was watching to see how Cam Newton would do in New England. He won. Now I'm watching to see how Tom Brady will do in Tampa. He's behind so far in New Orleans. Of course Drew Brees is a Texas boy. bravo


My Texans lost Thursday to KC Chiefs. Pretty much what I expected. Another Texas boy, Patrick Mahomes. snicker


The Cowboys play the Rams tonight in that monstrous, beautiful new SoFi stadium out there in LA. happydance


Did you know they can show videos on the roof of that dome that people flying over can watch.........until the plane crashes. haha


This morning was very Fall like. Our park walk was very enjoyable, and my afternoon here on the couch has been most agreeable.


I wish all of you a fantastic week coming up. thumbsup


joe
Posted By: family

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/13/20 10:33 PM

watching court shows, even perry mason.
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/13/20 11:47 PM

Joe, glad you enjoyed a day of football! We are boycotting it at my house.

First day off in what seems like forever. Next one in two weeks. I had to clean house today before I could enjoy the day and then Nugget and I spent the day traveling to different woods and prairies to check out and run. Hopefully, I can stay caught up this week!

Have a great day all!
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/14/20 12:31 AM

hey ho Joe ... wow, another week already ... my how time flies ... it's good to hear ya rootin for football yes

oh my Family ... we love Perry Mason ... that's great

Ana ... glad you had some time off ... it's about time ... I hope you stay caught up too lol

Good morning TaintedFury ... hope Monday treats you two well!!

G'night everyone ... catch you tomorrow sleep
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/14/20 11:08 AM

Good morning, enjoy the new week. Netflix and lunch with a friend. Danish today, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. summer
Posted By: butterflybabe

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/14/20 04:20 PM

Something interesting to share. When I moved here 7 years ago, my next door neighbor, Helen, was 98 yrs old. She had no kids of her own but her sister's 7 children helped her out. When she died 3 years later, family was not able to sell her house which had been put on a reverse mortgage. After a year or so of trying, the bank seized it and turned it over to HUD. For 5 years its been vacant. Several people in our area, including some from her family wanted to but it but HUD refused. It never went on the open market. Last week, I found out it was part of an auction. Saturday, I met the real estate rep who bid for and bought it and told me he was happy that it was considered rental property, and suggested one of my neighbors was looking to purchase it. Thankfully my neighbors are good, friendly people, so I'm eager to find out what's going on and what will happen. It will be nice to have someone using that vacant property.

Otherwise, I'm enjoying the cooler weather, and relaxing playing games.
wave2
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/14/20 05:01 PM

Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Back from a windy park run. Wind was so loud on one side that I couldn't hear my book. It felt nice though.

Going to enjoy a chat with my sister in a bit and then Bible Study later tonight. Hubby is grilling flank steaks tonight. A good day is planned! Have a great one, all wavegirl
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/14/20 05:39 PM

Good morning everyone laugh

Connie .. have fun at lunch and enjoy your Netflix ... I'll have a Danish to go today

Wow ButterFlyBabe ... weird story for sure ... I don't understand what, if any impact the reverse mortgage had on the sale ... HUD's response makes perfect sense as it is a government operation and government operations are difficult to work with ... hope you get good neighbors

L4L hearts

Hope your Monday is inviting Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi

wave2

lab
Posted By: family

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/15/20 01:21 AM

watching court shows, even perry mason.
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/15/20 03:13 AM

soot, I hope your project is going well and your day wasn't too long!

connie, sounds like a good day! What are your favorite Netflix shows?

butterflybabe, I always cringe when new neighbors move in. Hope yours are great ones!

L4L, you listen to books when you run? I don't think I could concentrate on one, that's impressive!

family, enjoy!

Today was an easy day and Nugget got a few runs in too. She's a happy girl! Tomorrow will be a full day.

Ana wave
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/15/20 07:53 AM

Good Morning Joe, Ana, soot, family, Mary, Taintedfury, Connie, SpaceQ, butterflybabe, L4L, and everyone. Just checking in to see how everyone is doing its been a while. Hope you all are staying safe.

I put on the coffee and tea.

Have a Happy Day! wave
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/15/20 12:56 PM

Good morning, enjoy the day. Ana, The 100, Lucifer, and Haven. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. summer
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/15/20 03:48 PM

Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Back from an "over hill, over dale" run. Started book 5 of my series.

Ana, Yes, that is my favorite way to run. I put on a book and loose myself in it. I like to get really long ones. Right now I'm listening to a 6 book series and each book is about 14 hours. I only listen when I run, so that gives me incentive to "just do it." Yesterday I ended just as most of an ensemble cast was sacrificing themselves to save another one. I can't listen when i ride my indoor bike, though. I have to have a changing landscape for my eyes.

Connie, those are all shows that my son says are good. He also likes The Boys.

Gerry, how are you?

Family, I loved Perry Mason. I know there is a new one streaming on some service, but we don't have that one.
Posted By: family

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/15/20 11:45 PM

watching court shows, even perry mason.
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 12:35 AM

Tootin Toosday evening to everyone laugh

Work snagged me this morning ... life is good, but it's a little too busy lol

Sleep well everyone! sleep
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 03:08 AM

soot, I hear you! I don't ever understand how people can be "bored". Life is so busy that it's never in my vocabulary. lol Hope tomorrow is an easier day.

family, enjoy!

L4L, I know lots of people that love books as they drive too. I just can't do it. Finding the right music always got me through my races though. Glad you have something that inspires you to keep going.

Connie, good selection of mystery and sci-fi! I've been making my way through the comedians they have on there since all my usual shows aren't on with no new filming.

Gerry, hope all is well by you. We miss you here!
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 09:12 AM

Good Morning everyone. Coffee and tea are ready to start your day. A chilly start here today only 50 degrees. Fall is upon us. Could use the heat on this morning. I've been watching the Tour De France for the last couple of weeks. Its the 1st time it has not been raced in July because of COVID - 19.

Wishing you all a safe and stress free day!

Take Care everyone.

Gerry
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 11:36 AM

Good morning, enjoy your Hump day. Waiting for cooler weather here, but that will be at least another month. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. summer
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 02:29 PM

Happy Hump Day ya'll puppy

We are awaiting the winds of Sally to hit later today. Her rain is already here. I'm trying to decide if I want to go out and walk in the rain. Not my favorite thing to do. Or I can ride my bike in my bedroom but that won't count for steps today. Oh well...thinking thinking.

Ana, I like to listen to books while I drive too....it's just I so very seldom drive. Hubby likes to listen to music while he does any and everything, but music has never been my thing. I think it's because of the hearing loss that I believe I was born with, but who knows. Glad you have a playlist that works for you.

Connie, are you getting anything from Sally?

wavegirl
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 04:13 PM

Happy Camel Day everybody laugh

Yes it is Ana, but we are blessed with lots to do ... boredom can be a tough hurdle to cross ... the key lies in finding ways to fight the mental fatigue that's got you in its grip ... try a new rhythm ... try something new ... think

Good morning Gerry ... it's great to see you ... hope all is well ... I'll have a tall cafe Verona this morning please

Hello Connie ... Sally has brought cooler temps for us today ... we are enjoying temps in the 60s today and it's nice ... we'll get back to normal warm and muggy temps later this week ... I'll have a Danish to go please

Lots to do and miles to go before I sleep wink

L4L hearts

Stay dry today Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi

wave2

lab
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 05:27 PM

Absolutely soot! A tall cafe Verona is waiting for you. puppy
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 08:08 PM

L4L, the storm has pulled the rain away from us. We had some outer bands earlier in the week. It will actually bring temps in mid 80's for a few days later in the week. Stay safe if your weather gets nasty from the storm. North Florida got heavy rains and has a lot of flooding.
Posted By: family

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/16/20 09:45 PM

watching court shows, even perry mason.
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/17/20 11:49 AM

Good morning, enjoy your day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. summer
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/17/20 01:40 PM

Good morning Connie, Gerry and Family
Sally is cruising through Georgia and entering South Carolina and we have lots of wind today [Linked Image]

A neighbor lost partial tops of two trees ... weird think

Gerry I'm all in for a tall Verona

Connie, I'll have a Danish to go as have a meeting shortly

L4L hearts

Have a great Thursday Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi

wave2

lab

Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/17/20 04:08 PM

Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

Back from a rain free run in the neighborhood to check out how we fared. We fared well compared to many others. Electricity was blinking just a bit this morning, but we never lost it as so many did.

I'm supposed to be DnD'ing with son/g'son this afternoon. We shall see. Son didn't get much sleep last night, so things may change.

I'm off to the kitchen to find food! Starving is not a good look on me rotfl wavegirl
Posted By: family

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/17/20 09:59 PM

watching court shows, even perry mason.
Posted By: mbday630

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/17/20 10:40 PM

Loony, I have been watching the weather and thank goodness that you are is okay and you are still enjoying your runs. this climate stuff is driving me crazy! too much bad stuff happening in our country.
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/18/20 03:50 AM

Long day today. My beloved brother in law passed away this morning after a month of being diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer. Our family is devastated by the loss.

Had to go to downtown Chicago tonight for an event my son hosted at an art gallery. It was quite fun but hard to manage on a work day/night.

Have a great day everyone. I am picking up a regular boarder for the weekend today. Looking forward to having him.

Ana wave
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/18/20 11:28 AM

Good morning, have a Lovely day. Ana, Prayers and Hugs hug for you and your family. Grocery shopping today, as Robert is going on a weekend fishing trip with a friend. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. summer
Posted By: BrownEyedTigre

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/18/20 12:44 PM

Thank you Connie. What a crazy year this is. Hope Robert catches lots of fish and has a safe trip.
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/18/20 01:07 PM

So sorry to hear of your loss Ana ... prayers for you and family today and the days ahead ... hope you find solace this weekend with your boarder angel

Good morning Connie ... take care while shopping ... I'm ready for eggs, grits and bacon this morning

Have a great weekend TaintedFury laugh

L4L hearts

Tee Gee Eye Eff Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi

wave2

lab
Posted By: Kaki's Sister

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/18/20 03:59 PM

Ana I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Have a peaceful day Connie, Ana, soot and everyone. catrub
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/18/20 05:01 PM

Oh, Ana, I am so sorry for your loss. Gentle hugs!

I am back from a great run on a glorious day! Bright blue skies, sunny, windy enough to feel good but not so much I couldn't hear my book, and the best part is, my shoe laces were not sweat soaked when I got home. Hope this weather lasts a good long time, but I'll just have to enjoy it while I can.

Laundry and not sure what else is on the agenda. Kiddos are at mom's so house is quieter.

Have a great day ya'll puppy
Posted By: family

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/19/20 01:07 AM

chores.
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/19/20 01:27 PM

Good morning, enjoy your weekend. Working the dinner at the Eagles tonight. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, and French Toast in the NC. summer
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/19/20 01:44 PM

Good morning Joe, Connie, Family, Gerry and MBDay630 laugh

The weekend is officially here woot

Time for chores, projects, watch grandson's football game, music, gardening ... and more to keep me busy for years lol

Connie, have fun at Eagles tonight ... I'll have a plate of eggs, grits, hash browns and sausage with a cup of Scottish tea from Gerry in the NC

Good luck with chores Family
L4L hearts

Have a stunning Saturday Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi

wave2

lab
Posted By: gymcandy1

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/19/20 06:27 PM

Welcome to the weekend everybody! welcome

I went to Walmart this morning and fought the crowd. After that to my friends house to return Beau who's been staying with us this week. hamster

The weather is really nice now. I need to schedule another home project to take advantage of it. happydance

I hope you all enjoy your weekend. yes

Ana I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Hugs and prayers coming your way. hug

joe
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/19/20 06:35 PM

Super Saturday ya'll puppy

I had a nice run in the neighborhood. My gait must be off or something because my right knee and ankle were both a bit wonky, or maybe it's just the hills and being old. rotfl

Anyway, home and cleaned up and fed. Time to sit and surf and sip for a sec.

I hope you all have a wonderful day wavegirl
Posted By: butterflybabe

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/19/20 08:37 PM

Sue so very sorry to hear about your loss.

I got elected (by default) to the board of my association. This is the first place I've ever lived that was run by an association, so it's been educational to say the least. I have mentioned the crazy situation with the residence next door to me. The realtor who purchased it paid off all the back fees to the association which is quite a chunk of funds. He tried to talk the management company into lowering it but she was too smart for him, esp since we're sure he paid far less for it than it was worth. No matter who purchases the property, they will be under scrutiny by the assoc, who are pretty strict about following the rules and knowing who have moved in and what they're like. I learned a lot about owners who use assoc property to rent and some of the problems that can cause, because the owner also has to answer to the village. The cul-de-sac is not full of wealthy people, but they are watchful and protective of people who live there. It's one of those areas that most people know about until they come to visit, try to cut thru to the next main street, or check out an available property.

On a separate note, I will be seeing a dermatologist on Mon about some rashes on my right leg. Long story short, not sure how it started, but I tried attending to them a few years ago. Returned to my former derm only to find out she'd sold her business due to battling cancer. The treatment they suggested didn't do much and I didn't like their attitude, so I stopped going. Life threw a bunch of other things at me so that issue was put on the back burner. Whatever it is is definitely not going away. My chiro scare me straight, so to speak, with his concern about a bacterial infection. Right now, I'm having a hard time thinking about much else, and thankful Mon's just 2 days away. I hate not knowing.
Posted By: family

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/20/20 12:33 AM

same thing i do sunday thur saturday, wash dishes, put some in dishwasher, clean cat pan, take meds.
Posted By: connie

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/20/20 01:42 PM

Good morning, enjoy the day. Early Dr. appointment tomorrow morning. Good luck at your appointment Butterflybabe. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, Bacon, Sausage, Waffles, French Toast, and Toast in the NC. summer
Posted By: soot

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/20/20 02:52 PM

Good Sunday morning Joe Family Connie and ButterFlyBabe laugh

I enjoyed a 63 degree jaunt at the park with Little Soot this morning ... brought back memories of cooler weather lol

Connie and ButterFlyBabe ... I'll keep you in my thoughts on your visits to your Dr. appointments on Monday ... Stay safe

Family, you've got a great routine with your chores ... be sure to take some time for yourself too bravo

Hey Joe ... it's great to see you ... sounds like you had a great week with Beau ... and going to Wal-Mart is always an adventure yes

I've got yard work today which will give me the chance to continue enjoying our fall weather

[Linked Image]

L4L hearts

Have an extraordinary day Joe Ana TaintedFury Family SpaceQuestFan Gerry Connie L4L manXman ButterFlyBabe Trail_Mystic Mary and anyone else who pops in to say hi

wave2

lab
Posted By: looney4labs

Re: Joe's Sept. 13th - 09/20/20 04:42 PM

Back from a cool and windy run at the park. Had to turn my book off just as someone was getting shot eek

I'm supposed to play DnD today with son/g'son, but as both are still asleep, I suspect I'll be reading rotfl Also doing laundry as the laundress didn't show up for duty this week.

Have a great one! wavegirl
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