I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
~Gilda Radner
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The Last Words Awards: The 20 Best Dying Words of Famous People Category 1: Most Fitting for the Person
Winner:
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
~ Oscar Wilde, writer, died: November 30, 1900
Also Nominated:
[blip] it . . . Don’t you dare ask God to help me.
~ Joan Crawford. actress, died: May 10, 1977. To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud.
I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct.
~ Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, died: 1702
That was a great game of golf, fellers.
~ Harry Lillis “Bing” Crosby, singer / actor, died: October 14, 1977
Category 2: Most Ironic
They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist. . . .
~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, died: 1864. Killed in battle during US Civil War.
Also Nominated:
I am a Queen, but I have not the power to move my arms.
~ Louise, Queen of Prussia, died: 1820
I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room – and God [blip] it – died in a hotel room.
~ Eugene O’Neill, writer, died: November 27, 1953
I am still alive!
~ Gaius Caligula, Roman Emperor, died:41 AD. Stabbed to death by his own guards – (as reported by Roman historian Tacitus)
Category 3: Most Touching
I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you.
Spoken to his wife.
~ James K. Polk, US President, died: 1849
Also Nominated:
Come my little one, and give me your hand.
Spoken to his daughter, Ottilie.
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, writer, died: March 22, 1832
Oh, do not cry – be good children and we will all meet in heaven.
~ Andrew Jackson, US President, died: 1845
Category 4: Most Humorous:
Yes, it’s tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.
When asked if he thought dying was tough.
~ Edmund Gwenn, actor, died: September 6, 1959
Cateogry 5: Most Inspiring
I forgive everybody. I pray that everybody may also forgive me, and my blood which is about to be shed will bring peace to Mexico. Long live Mexico! Long Live Independence!
~ Maximilian, Emperor of Mexico, (Archduke Maximilian of Austria), died: June 11, 1867
Category 6: Worst Missed Opportunity:
Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
~ Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionist, died: 1923
Also Nominated:
Go on, get out – last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.
To his housekeeper, who urged him to tell her his last words so she could write them down for posterity.
~ Karl Marx, revolutionary, died: 1883
I’m bored with it all.
Before slipping into a coma. He died 9 days later.
~ Winston Churchill, statesman, died: January 24, 1965
Category 7: Most Banal
I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.
~ Richard Feynman, physicist, died: 1988
Also Nominated:
It’s all been very interesting.
~ Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, writer, died: 1762
Ah, that tastes nice. Thank you.
~ Johannes Brahms, composer, died: April 3, 1897
How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
~ P. T. Barnum, entrepreneur, died: 1891
Category 8: Most Morbid
The earth is suffocating . . . Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won’t be buried alive.
Dying of tuberculosis.
~ Frederic Chopin, composer, died: October 16, 1849
Category 9: Most Kingly
A King should die standing.
~ Louis XVIII, King of France, died: 1824
Also Nominated::
Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal?
~ Louis XIV, King of France, died: 1715
Category 10: That sums it up award
God bless… God [blip].
~ James Thurber, humorist, died: 1961
Category 11: Most Ready for Death
Now comes the mystery!
~ Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist, died: March 8, 1887
Also Nominated:
Nothing, but death.
When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was anything she wanted.
~ Jane Austen, writer, died: July 18, 1817
Adieu, mes amis. Je vais la gloire.
(Farewell, my friends! I go to glory!)
~ Isadora Duncan, dancer, died: 1927
I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark.
~ Thomas Hobbes, writer, died: 1679
This is the last of earth! I am content.
~ John Quincy Adams, US President, died: February 21, 1848
Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.
~ Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, died: March 26, 1827
I am ready.
~ Woodrow Wilson, US President, died: 1924
Category 12: Most Brave
I know you have come to kill me. Shoot coward, you are only going to kill a man.
Facing his assassin, Mario Teran, a Bolivian soldier.
~ Ernesto “Che” Guevara, died: October 9, 1967
Also Nominated:
Let’s cool it brothers . . .
Spoken to his assassins, 3 men who shot him 16 times.
~ Malcolm X, Black leader, died: 1966
I die hard but am not afraid to go.
~ George Washington, US President, died: December 14, 1799
Category 13: Most Shakespearian
All is lost. Monks, monks, monks!
~ Henry VIII, King of England, died: 1547
Also Nominated::
All my possessions for a moment of time.
~ Elizabeth I, Queen of England, died: 1603
Category 14: Most arrogant
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
~ John Barrymore, actor, died: May 29, 1942
Category 15: Saddest
I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.
~ Leonardo da Vinci, artist, died: 1519
Category 16: Most intoxicated
I’ve had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that’s the record . . .
~ Dylan Thomas, poet, died: 1953
Also Nominated::
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, died: January 14, 1957
Category 17: Most melodramatic
Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!
~ Florenz Ziegfeld. Showman, died: July 22, 1932
Category 18: Most ominous
KHAQQ calling Itasca. We must be on you, but cannot see you. Gas is running low.
Last radio communiqué before her disappearance.
~ Amelia Earhart, died: 1937
Category 19: Most apropos
Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers.
~ Walter De La Mare, writer, died: 1956
Category 20: Most Patriotic: (Tie)
Is it the Fourth?
~ Thomas Jefferson, US President, died: July 4, 1826
Thomas Jefferson–still survives…
~ John Adams, US President, died: July 4, 1826. Some hours after Jefferson had died, relieved in the belief that he was still alive.
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Good morning everyboomie.
There....That was interesting wasn't it? Reading the last words spoken by all those people?
I wonder what my last words will be.
I'm dying to find out.
Probable will be something like, "I TOLD YOU I DIDN"T FEEL GOOD!!"
I am so sleepy. I guess it's because I got up at tree-tirty mon.
I hope it's a super day for ever body.
joe