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#1025717 - Yesterday at 07:26 PM Thump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30522
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Groucho Marx

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A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever. "Hey," says the bartender, "No dogs allowed in the bar."

"Oh please?," begs the customer. You see, you're playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals."

"You're trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL FAN?! Both of you get out of my bar," says the bartender. "No animals allowed, and YOU belong in a mental institution. Dogs don't like baseball!"

Just then, the Royals get a hit. The dog goes wild. He jumps up on the bar and hops around in circles on his hind legs. Then he does the same on his front legs! The bartender is astounded. "That is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Who ever thought a DOG could like baseball?! I'm curious though....if he gets that excited when the Royals get a hit, what does he do when they get a home run?"

"I don't know," confesses the owner, "I 've only had him for five years."

``````````````````````````

A journey of a hundred miles starts with an argument over how to load the car.

````````````````````````

A dead body was discovered last week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth.

When she was told about it she was alarmed and asked, "It wasn't me was it?"

```````````````````````

Thinking of becoming a superhero? Here are some useful pointers.

1. Don't call yourself by your real name, e.g. Ms. Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.

2. Don't call yourself by someone else's real name, e.g. Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.

3. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess, e.g. Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.

4. Don't be too modest, e.g. Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-So, Fairly Incredibleman.

5. But don't labor the point, e.g. Mr. So-Powerful-Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy.

6. Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image, e.g. Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Evil.

7. Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have a really good lawyer or lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.

8. It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is self-control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.

9. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not.

10. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.

11. Don't call yourself the Invisible Lady if you're a man -- even if you do feel like a woman trapped in a man's body.

12. Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable-to-Strontium 90.

13. Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.

``````````````````````````````

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I would like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I would like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I would like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

```````````````````````````

We got to a point in our relationship where she asked me for a reason for her to stay with me...

I told her I was like her handbag and that I complimented her shoes...

She said I never complimented her shoes...she was right, I never complimented her shoes. Her shoes were crass. So was her handbag...we broke up.

```````````````````````````

A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her friend asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short while ago?"

The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been searching for."

````````````````````````````

The maid did not show up for work so the house wife called her in an angry voice and scolded her.

"What is wrong with you? If you were not to come you should have told me."

The Maid explained, “Ma’am I had already announced on my facebook page that I was taking a trip to Mexico for a week to see my family. Ma'am you should remain updated on Facebook. If you still had a question then you should have asked."

Wife: "So you are on Facebook too?"

Maid: "Ma’am who is not? Every time I announce on Facebook your husband sends me well wishes, sympathy and help. This time he said have a nice trip home, enjoy and get back soon to save me from my wife’s cooking."

```````````````````````````

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."

The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"

"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant." "I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."

`````````````````````````

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.

'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'

`````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


It's a nuther one. smile


Uhmmm headscratch....just like the other one? razz


For better or for worse. In sickness and in health....etc...etc....etc....bla....bla....bla..... rolleyes


The truth is, it beats the alternative any old way you look at it, so suck it up soldier..... think....or at your age maybe you need to suck it in...... snicker.....and get out there and have a happy day!!! woot woot woot


LG yay


joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#1025720 - Yesterday at 08:04 PM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 10819
Loc: Columbus,Ohio
Have a great Thursday Joe and all my fellow Boomers. smile
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#1025741 - Yesterday at 09:32 PM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 43719
Loc: Alabama
Ok Boomers, it's that time. Off to bed with a book. Sweet dreams all sleep
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1025755 - Yesterday at 10:11 PM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 67400
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy Thursday Joe, SpaceQ, L4L and all!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1025785 - Today at 12:42 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14116
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Have a lovely day Joe, Space, L4l, Ana, and all who come to the diner today!!!!!!!!

wave
Nan

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#1025806 - Today at 05:40 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 18691
Loc: Marlborough USA
summer Good Morning Joe, Space, L4L, Ana, Nan and All. Joe it's hot here too. Another muggy day in the 90s. Space enjoy your day. L4L what are you reading? Ana still swimming? Nan you're up late! Sleep well. Coffee is ready and the tea water is simmering. Wishing a beautiful day for everyone! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#1025815 - Today at 06:59 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8495
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thump Day. Danish, Omelets, and Waffles in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#1025823 - Today at 08:01 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 15499
Loc: Massachusetts
Morning Boomers,

Joe, have a great day.

Space, good morning.

L4L, hope the day is a good one for you when you awake.

Gerry, coffee needed this morning.

Nan, enjoy whatever plans you have today.

Connie, a great Thump day to you.

Been sad the last few days. Had to have my dog Heather put down. Thought maybe she had a tooth infection when I took her to the Vets but her kidneys had shut down. It's been horribly sad here. sad
_________________________
Gail

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#1025842 - Today at 09:57 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9754
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and have a happy Thump Day!

Oh, Gail, I'm so very sorry. Big hugs to you! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#1025843 - Today at 10:01 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 67400
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
So, so sorry Gail. Gentle hugs to you. hearts
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1025848 - Today at 10:15 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14116
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Well was up way too early today. Daughter called to let me know there dog had gotten loose and she had to leave for work. So, I got up quick to head there. In the mean time he came home so she missed her bus for work so I went and got her and gave her a ride to work. Sassy had fun though, as she got to come along and do some running around my daughters large yard!!! She is happy now. lol

Gail sending HUGS and Prayers!!! Always a had thing to do and it is never easy.

Have a lovely day everybody!!!

wave
Nan

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#1025856 - Today at 10:42 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 67400
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
So glad the dog came home Nan! Sounds like quite the morning. It's a daily exercise we have capturing my neighbors Puggle. She gets out sometimes as much as 5 times a day. eek
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#1025866 - Today at 11:40 AM Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 43719
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll wave

Hubby bumped me and we grabbed the dogs wayyyyyyyyy early this morning and headed out for a walk. It was 79 at 5:30, but at least the sun wasn't beaming on us.

Then home for breakfast and then back to bed. Up for the 2nd time and the brain is sorta, kinda up now lol

Gerry, I'm working my way through J. D. Robb's "In Death" series. Finishing Celebrity In Death today (book 34). There are 40 something books in the series right now.

Oh, Gail, I'm so sorry for your loss. Big and many hugs to you.

I think today is cook-the-books day. Back later wave


Edited by looney4labs (Today at 11:41 AM)
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#1025889 - 1 second ago Re: Thump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 15499
Loc: Massachusetts
Thank you all for your caring hugs. It was a very hard thing to have to do. I sure wish our pets didn't have such short lives. thanks
_________________________
Gail

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