Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
Woody Allen
Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.
Woody Allen
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A Swede was in a pub in Finland and a regular customer suggested to him:
"I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head."
The Swede thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure.
The Finn smashed the first bottle on the Swede's head, then the second and so on, but he stopped after smashing nine bottles.
"So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?," asked the Swede.
"I am not a total idiot," the Finn replied, "then I would have to give you that $200."
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The Danish man had a problem. His wife was coming home on the train but he could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80.
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When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year, I gave up thinking.
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In Bowie, Maryland USA, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note demanding cash. After his demand was honoured, he fled. Upon returning home, he was amazed to find the police waiting for him. It appears he had written the note on the back of his bank deposit slip.
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Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roads. Luckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin.
He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, 'Pull, Dolly, pull!' Dobbin didn't move one inch.
Then the farmer yelled, 'Pull, Robbie, pull.' Still Dobbin failed to respond.
Once more the farmer commanded in a stentorian voice, 'Pull, Ringo, pull.' Again - nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly and quietly muttered, 'Pull, Dobbin, pull.' Immediately the donkey easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
Desmond was very appreciative but also very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his donkey by a different name three times.
The farmer whispered by way of reply, 'Oh, Dobbin is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try.'
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First thing one Monday morning, a robber broke into the bank, and pointed his guns at the cashier said,
'Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!'
The cashier laughed and said, 'You mean to say 'HISTORY.'
The robber answered, 'Don't change the subject.'
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Network TV is reported to be developing a Texas version of "Survivor," the popular TV show.
Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock.
Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I voted for Kerry, I'm gay, and I'm here to take your guns."
The first contestant to complete the round trip is the winner.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It was one very long day today. I'm glad it's over.
I've never talked about this before. It's a irritating, confounding, disgusting, and disturbing issue for me.
People come into our store on a daily basis, and steal everything imaginable. I walk around my department every day and find empty packaging that someone ripped open and stole what was in it. They steal big things, and small things. I believe there are more thieves per-capita in this area than anywhere I have lived, and my company does NOTHING.
My company is the easiest company I have ever seen to steal from.
We have no security people. Cameras record a lot of it, but Lowe's will not persue anyone, and if any employee tries to stop a thief, and detain one physically, they will be terminated. I mean we've had people walk right out the door with high ticket items and NO ONE DOES A THING!!
People come into the store and routinely open packaging and pull the product out to examine it. They never get the items back into the package, because many of these items were packaged by magic fairies, and they JUST WON"T GO BACK INTO THE PACKAGE!!
To top it off, if the customer wants to buy the item, they will take one that has not been opened, after pulling the other one out of the package.
I'm afraid I've lost my faith in humanity. Humans are not worth the air that they breath, and I should know, I've lived among them for 64 years.
Ok, I haven't lost faith in ALL of humanity.
Just Okies.
I am REALLY tired.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe