Don’t find fault. Find remedy. Anyone can complain.
HENRY FORD
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“Does It Only Come In Black?”
My five-year-old son is crazy about cars, so I took him to his
first car show. He loved seeing all
the different models and brands
and gushed over the big engines,
the colors, and even the wheels. But the car he was most impressed with was a hearse. “Mom!” he shouted. “Look at all this storage!”
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Tooth or Consequences
After cleaning my five-year-old patient’s teeth, I accompanied him to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door.
“It’s heavy, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?”
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New Generation
I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, “You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”
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The Cop and the Superhero
A concerned police officer approaches a boy who is crying in front of a newsstand. “What’s wrong?” the cop asks.
“Superman isn’t out yet!” says the boy.
“I’ll handle it,” the cop assures him. “Hey, Superman!” he shouts. “Come on out! We won’t hurt you!”
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Good Genes?
The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”
One student called out, “Wrinkles!”
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In the Band
Sam’s eighth birthday, my brother took him to a football game. During halftime, a Marine band played, and Sam studied them intently.
“Why the interest in the band?” his father asked.
“I’m checking to see if Ben and Matt from our synagogue are in it. They’re Marines.”
“But they’re in Afghanistan.”
“If I were in a marching band, I’d say I was in Afghanistan too.”
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Mature Fun
As I was treating my daughter and her family to the buffet at a casino, all the bells and whistles for a winning slot machine began to go off. My seven-year-old grandson was awed.
“Wow!” yelled Casey. “This is like Chuck E. Cheese for old people.”
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The Test
When my eight-year-old asked how I knew I was pregnant, I told her I had taken a pregnancy test. “Oh,” she said. “What questions were on the test?”
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Sign of the Times
At a baby shower, everyone was asked to complete nursery rhymes. My 11-year-old daughter Taylor contributed this: "Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
His wife could eat no carbs."
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It's About Time
A few weeks? after the death of my father-in-law, I found my seven-year-old son crying in bed. His grandmother had died the previous year, and he was taking it all very hard. "You know, Kyle," I said, "when we die, we’ll get to see Grandma and Grandpa again in heaven."
With tears spilling down his face, Kyle cried, "That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have that long!"
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War Veteran
When I took my school-age daughters to a lunch with veterans, I told them to ask questions. One of the men said he’d fought in the Korean War, and the girls were so impressed that the eldest wanted to know more: "Did you fight for the North or the South?"
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What's My Name?
My five-year-old nephew has always happily answered to BJ. That ended when he came home from his first day of school in a foul mood. It seems his teacher took roll, and he never heard his name.
"Why didn’t anyone tell me my name was William!?" he complained.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend! It's party time.
I hear Midgie has a hot tub, and I need to soak.
My arm is still sore from the Tetanus shot I got Wednesday at the VA.
Or was that a distemper shot?
A back yard party with grilled hamburgers sounds awesome.
Anything I can eat sounds awesome right now. For the first time in my life I'm counting calories.
My body mass index is a little bit high on the 'mass' part.
Make my bacon cheeseburger a lite.
Anybody got a calculator?
joe