JOHN LENNON
Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted.
``````````````
Ken, joking to his friend over a round of drinks, "Do you know why every woman needs a husband?"
Bud, "Why?"
Ken, "After all you can’t blame the government for every mistake."
```````````
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?"
"I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "
I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed.
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50.
And your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would.
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday.
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!
```````````
A Russian laborer was given a task to paint a white line right through the middle of the road. On the very first day he managed to paint three kilometers of the road. His employer was happy with him. The next day he could paint only three hundred meters. The boss thought the man was probably tired from the first day’s hard work and let it go. The third day he painted only thirty meters. Now the boss was anxious and demanded an explanation.
The Russian said: “It’s no mystery, boss. It’s getting quite tiresome to walk all the way back to the paint bucket.”
```````````
My grandpa was an English professor, and he would often help students by writing little notes on their essays.
Grandpa used to work late, and his handwriting would deteriorate as the hours passed by.
One day, a student approached him after class with an essay that had been returned. "Mr. Asher," he said, "I can't make out this comment you wrote on my paper."
Grandpa took the paper and, after studying it, sheepishly replied, "It mentions that you should write more legibly."
``````````````
Dovey, the baby pigeon was nervous about flying long distance with its mother and grumbled, 'I don't think I can make it, it will be too tiring for me.'
Mama pigeon tried to pacify Dovey and said, 'You have nothing to worry about. I'll tie a piece of thread to one of your legs and the other end to mine.'
On hearing this, Dovey began to cry.
'Why are you crying baby?' asked the worried mother.
Dovey replied, 'Please Mom, I don't want to be pigeon towed.'
`````````````````
Laura and Nancy were chatting at the coffee-shop.
Laura: "I had a toothache, so I went to the dentist this morning."
Nancy: "Does your tooth still hurt?"
Laura: "I have no idea - the dentist kept it."
````````````
Four-year-old Joe loved candy almost as much as his mom Linda did. He, along with his Dad had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.
A few days later Joe was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, his mom said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."
````````````
On many U.S. Navy ships the movie screen is suspended amid-ship so that it can be viewed from both sides. This procedure makes it available to larger crowds at popular movies, but usually the junior officers get a reverse image from "the wrong side of the screen."
One evening at dinnertime an enterprising young ensign passed the following word over the officer's IMC circuit: "The movie to be shown in the wardroom tonight for the senior officers is on the right side of the screen - The Right-Handed Gun, starring Paul Newman."
"For the junior officers on the wrong side of the screen - The Left-Handed Gun, starring Namwen Luap."
``````````
Thumping good Thursday morning everyboomie.
I'm fired up to get to bed again soon. I slept better last night, but I need another good nights sleep to catch up and get back on an even keel.
I don't work tomorrow, and I plan to get up early and drive to the sod farm.
It's going to be 86 degrees tomorrow afternoon, and I need to get an early start.
This time last year we had a real good flash flood that turned up some nice points at the creek, but no such luck this year, except for that one point I found last week, and I'm very happy to have it.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe