WILL ROGERS
All you need to grow fine, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk.
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When Nathan came home, he asked his wife Dara, "What is Tim doing?" Tim was their 10-year old son who loved gadgets. Dara told him that Tim was in his bedroom playing with the chemistry set that they had gifted him on Christmas eve. Nathan wanted to check on his son, so he went upstairs to Tim's bedroom. As he got closer to Tim's room, he heard the sound of something being pounded on the wall. When he entered the room, he saw Tim hammering a nail into the wall.
Nathan asked his son, "What are you doing, Tim? Why are you hammering the nail into the wall? Aren't you supposed to be playing with your chemistry set?
Tim replied, "Dad, this is not a nail, its an insect. I prepared a solution from the chemicals and drowned the insect in it. The insect became hard as a nail."
Nathan pondered over it and said, "I'll make you a deal. Give me that solution and I will gift you a PlayStation."
"Deal" said Tim while handing over the solution to his father.
The next morning when Tim went down to the living room, he found a brand new X-Box of the latest version. He asked his father, "What about the PlayStation?"
Nathan replied, "The PlayStation is on the dining table. The X-Box is a gift from your Mom."
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Tara and her 6-year-old son, Arjun, were on board the Blue Ocean, a cruise service from Bombay to Goa in India. Arjun was excited to be on the deck all day. He asked his mother, "Mom, if big dolphins have baby dolphins and big sharks have baby sharks, then why don't big ships have baby ships?"
Tara, engrossed in the novel that she was reading, and unable to come up with an immediate answer, said to Arjun "Why don't you find the Captain and ask him?"
Arjun ran towards the Captain's cabin and finding him, posed his question,"Sir, if big dolphins have baby dolphins and big sharks have baby sharks, then why don't big ships have baby ships?"
The Captain was wise and asked the boy, "Did your mother send you to me with this question?"
"Yes", replied Arjun.
"Well", said the Captain, "Tell your mother that the Blue Ocean pulls out on time."
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Martha had arranged for a carpool for her daughter Juliet to go for her tennis classes. It was her turn on Wednesday, but her husband had the car. She felt awkward to tell the woman with whom she had the carpool arrangement, that she would not be able to take her turn. Since it had to be done, she called the woman and explained. The other woman agreed and just a few minutes before she was due to arrive, Martha's husband showed up. It was too late for her to call her carpool partner and explain that she could make it after all. So she asked her husband to park the car in the garage and close the garage door.
Martha instructed her daughter Juliet that she should feign ignorance about her father's whereabouts. Everything was set but the husband did not remember to shut the garage door. He was chatting with a friend right in front of the garage with the door open! Came along the carpool friend and took Juliet for the tennis classes.
When Juliet returned, Martha asked her if the carpool friend had noticed.
"She did", replied Juliet. "She asked me which one of the two men in front of the garage was my father. I told her I have no idea"
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Dean and Martin hired a small plane to get into deep forest to hunt deer. They spent the whole afternoon and killed four big deer. They then called for the pilot to pick them up. When the plane came, they started to load their rifles and other equipment along with the four kills. At this, the pilot objected saying the plane could take load of only two kills.
Dean argued that the previous year too their pilot had allowed four kills and it was the same model plane. The pilot gave in reluctantly against his better judgment.
They boarded the plane with their load. But after gaining height the plane crashed a little distance away. Getting out of the plane, Dean asked: “Mart, any idea where we are?”
Martin looked around and said: “Ummh.... I think we are a little south of where we crashed last year.”
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Cyndy had just delivered a baby and was adjusting to the life of a woman who had recently become a mother.
One night, after she and her husband Peter had just put the baby to sleep, she found Peter stand near the baby's cradle looking at the child. Cyndy was standing at the door, observed Peter's face looking down at the new born. His face was a mix of emotions - uncertainty, disbelief, pleasure, happiness, admiration.
Cyndy was deeply touched to see such a display of emotions on Peter's face. She went up to him and putting her arms around his shoulder, asked, "What are you thinking honey?"
Peter replied, "It's incredible, It's hard to believe those people sold that cradle to us for only $47!!"
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Bill got into an argument with his wife Stella. Stella went out fuming in rage.
When she returned, Bill asked her, "Where did you leave my car??"
Stella replied, "In the garden."
Bill said, "But there's noway into the garden!"
Stella gave him a sarcastic look and replied, "Now there is!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows to each of you this fine sunny Sunday morning.
It's also my sincerest wish that the oppressive heat does not melt your bodies into the smoking hot pavement like lead in a smelter.
I had a great day Saturday. We were smoking busy at Lowe's, and I ran my feet to the max, but because of some new orthopedic type shoes that I bought, my feet were not throbbing near as bad when I got home as they have been.
Today I plan on dancing Foot Loose style all day long at work. I want to get a flash dance mob going.
Can you Wha-2-C?
I didn't really sleep much last night. I hope tonight will be different. I'm thinking about keeping a hammer on my night stand.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Tomorrow, I'm just going to relax and game. I'm going to need it for the exhaustion I predict will be in my future. 
