I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
~Rodney Dangerfield~
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At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."
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Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?".
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as
Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message
through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second
poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place".
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."
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A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands
out of the pane. The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany". The others ask, "How do you know", the German
says, "Cuz' it's so cold". Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia", the others ask "How do
you know", he replies "Cuz' it's so warm". Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico",
the others ask "How do you know", he says " Cuz' my watch in gone".
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
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The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the doctor learned he was about to marry an eighteen-year-old girl.
"Now, Mr. Jenkins", the doctor warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt".
The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies".
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A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still
shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't
realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my
first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's been a nice day here, kinda long, and I haven't watched a football game yet.
I've been helping a friend out, and only saw part of two early games.
The game that I'm really interested in is about to start. Cowboys and Eagles.
I hope everyone had a real nice weekend.
Have a happy Monday everyone.
joe