My dream is of a place and a time where America will once again be seen as the last best hope of earth.
~Abraham Lincoln~
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What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist?
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“Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?”
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My friend boasted he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain where Buddha actually comes from.
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“Mom, don't get alarmed, but I’m at the hospital.”
“Son, please. You’ve been a surgeon there for 8 years now. Can we start our phone calls differently?”
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“Little Jonny, why did you put your teddy in the freezer?”
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“I would like to have a polar bear.”
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Man to his wife: “Do you know what our 6 year old son wants to be once he’s big?”
Wife: “No.”
Man: “A garbage man. And you know why?”
Wife: “No, why?”
Man: “He thinks they only work on Tuesdays.”
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An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
“Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”
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In a boutique:
Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?
I’m sorry madam but no. We have dressing rooms.
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Mother: Eat your bread.
Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread.
Mother: So you become big and strong.
Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?
Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your family.
Child: But I don’t like bread!
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The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:
God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
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Q: How many times could old Noah go fishing?
A: Not many. He only had 2 worms.
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What did one candle say to the other?
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A: I'll be going out tonight.
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An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
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How come the barber won the race?
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He took a short cut.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Hump Day AGAIN??
Where do the days go? It's already March 7th!
We had a pretty decent day here except for the wind. I spent the morning doing some Spring cleaning chores.
Man it's been a long time since last Spring!
Stuff piles up around here..........like dust.
One chore I can't put off that long is buying groceries. I gotta go to Wally World tomorrrow.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe