Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it won’t stop the rain but it will allow you to keep going.
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~Anonymous~
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Daughter asks her mother, “Mum, how long have you been married to dad?”
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“Ten years.”
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“Oh, and how many do you still have left?”
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One day, fridges will take their revenge. They will burst into your bedroom in the middle of the night, switch the light on, stare at you for a few minutes and then leave.
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Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
Her pupils got out of control.
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Why did the bee have sticky hair?
Because he was using a honey-comb.
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How to make an egg giggle?
Tell it a yolk.
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What to call a bear who’s lost all its teeth? – A gummy bear!
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What bird is the strongest lifter?
A crane.
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What did mama broom say to baby broom?
Time to go to sweep, baby.
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What gives us milk and has one horn?
A milk truck.
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When can you be sure a snail is lying to you?
When he says he’s not home.
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Q: Which flower is the most talkative?
A: Tulips, of course, they can’t keep those lips shut!
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Q: Why couldn't the pony sing his baby a lullaby?
A: She was a little hoarse.
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Q: What did the tall chimney say to the small chimney?
A: "Hey, you’re way too young to smoke."
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Two friends are talking, one says: “Man, I fell off a thirty-foot long ladder yesterday.”
“Oh no, dude, are you alright?!” inquires the other one, shocked.
“Yeah, I’m OK, I was only on the second rung.”
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How does a monkey ring the doorbell?
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King Kong! King Kong!
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How do you measure a snake?
In inches. Snakes don’t have feet.
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Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Harry!
Harry who?
Harry up, it’s really cold outside!
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Good morning Boomers.
Hows about we have a nice cool relaxing Sunday, eh?
I went out to the sod farm very early Saturday, and I walked around for several hours until I was ready to have a heat stroke, and I found only a few rough scrapers. Nothing exciting at all.
I felt completely wasted when I got back home. It got way too hot, way too early.
The dogs were pretty wasted too.
They were ready to come home way before I was.
Have a great Sunday everyone.
joe