I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again.
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~Joan Rivers~
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What do you get if you crossbreed an insect with a cute Easter rabbit?
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Bugs Bunny.
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Question: What did the alien ask the garden?
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Answer: Take me to your weeder.
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Q: When is the best time to go see the dentist?
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A: Some time before tooth-hurty.
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What did the traffic light said to car?
Can you look away? I’m changing.
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Why do hens lay eggs? Because if they were throwing them, they’d break!
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Why was 6 scared of 7?
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Because: 7 8 9.
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Why do some fish live in salt water?
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Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
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Why did the teacher have to put the lights on?
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His class was too dim!
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What is the most important skill when you want to work in an orange juice factory?
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You have to know how to concentrate!
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Where do bees love to go to the bathroom?
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The BP station!
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Q: Why did the guy store his money in the freezer?
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A: He loved cold, hard cash!
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Have I told you the joke about the roof?
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Actually, never mind, it would be way over your head!
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Q: Why did the banana have to go see the doctor?
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A: It was not peeling very well.
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Why did the triangle refuse to be friends with the circle?
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It found the circle pointless.
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They expelled me from school on pyjama day. But how is it my fault?! I just sleep naked!
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Little Kenny is about to have a big test and his father says: “You better study real good boy, ‘cause if you don’t pass that test, you can forget that you’re my son!”
The next day Kenny comes home and his dad asks him how he did in the test.
Kenny looks at him and says, “And who are you, dude?”
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Why was the knight running around, yelling for a tin opener?
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There was a bee in his suit of armor!
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Q: What is it – it has one horn and gives us milk?
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A: A milk truck.
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Where do bulls exchange their messages?
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On a bull-etin board.
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A boy comes home from school and tells his daddy he got an F that day. The dad gets angry and says he’ll go to school the next day to make things clear. He does, and asks the teacher, “Why did you give my son an F?!”
The teacher calmly replies, “Because it’s not possible to give him a G.”
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Snake’s last words? Oh drat, I bit my tongue!
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Q: How does a celebrity stay cool?
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A: By keeping close to his fans.
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Little Joe always gets teased about being dumb. One of the favorite jokes is that the kids offer him a nickel and a dime to see which one he chooses. Stupidly, he always chooses the nickel and off the kids go laughing.
One day a kindly neighbor can’t watch it anymore and says, “Joe, my boy, a dime is worth more than a nickel!”
“I know,” smiles Joe, “but if I keep picking the nickel, they won’t stop the joke and I already got 15 dollars this way.”
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Why do birds fly to warmer climates for the winter?
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It’s much easier for them than walking!
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Little Kevin rides his bike and yells at his mummy, “Look mom, I can ride the bike with just one hand!”
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He goes by the second time and yells excitedly, “Mom, mom, look no hands at all!”
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He comes the third time and proudly hollers, “Look mom, no teeth, either!”
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Why do you always have to put sunscreen on your bananas when you take them as a snack to the beach?
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Because otherwise they might peel!
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Do you know what they wrote on the grave when a knight in shining armor died in battle?
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Rust in peace!
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Why did the picture have to go to prison?
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It was framed.
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Why is it impossible to trust atoms?
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They make up everything!
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Fiona asks her daddy, “Dad, can you write with your eyes closed?”
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“I believe I could, child, if I tried.”
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“Excellent, do you think you would like to try it on my school report?”
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Good morning everyboomie.
I'm posting this one really early tonight.
I mowed half the yard this morning, and have to mow the rest this evening.
Don't want to wait too late to do that, and then get my shower. It's 89 degrees out there right now.
We have a visitor (Beau), for the next few days.
Another puppy to keep me warm at night.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe