It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
~Dave Barry~
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Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It's always 90 degrees.
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“Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: ‘I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I’m here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.’ ”
“Had a woman call 911 because she ‘had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.’”
“Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.”
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Top Client StoriesClient: “I don’t like the type.”
Me: “What don’t you like.”
Client: “I don’t like how it goes all to one side.”
Me: “You mean ranged left.”
Client: “Yes, yes, arranged left.”
Me: “How do you want it?”
Client: “To be the same on both sides.”
Me: “Justified?”
Client: “I don’t have to justify anything for you. I own the f***ing company.”
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Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence.
Me: You mean … the period?
Client: I don’t care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it.
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Client: “I don’t mean to sound racist, but…”
Me: “But what?”
Client: “But the site is too black.”
Me: “Like, literally too black?”
Client: “Yes. The background is too black.”
Me: “That’s not racist. That has nothing to do with race.”
Client: “Phew. I can never tell with you black people, what’s offensive and what’s not.”
Me: “I’m actually Lebanese. And, yeah, that one might be a bit racist.”
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I was at the airport, ready to leave for vacation when I got a panicked phone call from a client. She stated that the video I sent her - part of a large marketing campaign - was missing the sound. After a lot of shouting and threats on her part, I agreed to go to her office try and fix it.
After being escorted into her office, I played the video and double-checked her computer’s sound options. Then I unplugged her headphones. Then I billed her for my missed flight.
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At 3am, after finishing a website template for a client who had to have it “by 6am their time,” I sent an email letting her know that it was finished. The next day I get a call:
CLIENT: I don’t appreciate you staying out all night when you should be working on my project.
ME: I’m sorry? I was working all last night. As you can see, I sent you an e-mail -
CLIENT: I see that. At 3am. Do you think it’s okay to party all night and then work without sleep at 3am? It’s very unprofessional and morally reprehensible.
ME: What makes you think I was out partying?
CLIENT: Why else would you be up at 3am?
ME: You gave my 24 hours to do 18 hours of work. I had to stay up
CLIENT: Don’t try to use math on me!
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After sending two invoices for payment, I sent another and called the client when the receipt that they had received it came back.
CLIENT: Why are you calling me?
ME: You haven’t paid and this is the third invoice I’ve sent.
CLIENT: It’s even more than the last one!
ME: Yes. The contract you signed stated that I would add a late fee for payment.
CLIENT: You mean I have to actually pay you? I thought you were joking!
ME: What on earth made you think that?
CLIENT: You’re a freelancer!
ME: And…
CLIENT: Well, you work for free! If you were supposed to be paid, you’d be called a paidlancer or something!
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THE CLIENT IS ALWAYS RIGHT
CLIENT: I’m not too sure about the blue…
ME: Actually, that’s green.
CLIENT: Who’s the client?
ME: You.
CLIENT: And what color is it?
ME: …blue?
CLIENT: Right. Now let me see what other shades of blue we have.
We settled on pine-tree ”blue.”
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I was rounding off an Instant Message chat with a German client. I intended to say “Let me know if I can help further”. Instead, my clumsy fingers typed and sent the following before I could stop myself:
ME: Let me know if I can help fuhrer.
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Client: Can we change the heading font to more acrylic?
Me: Sorry?
Client: Can we change it to more of an acrylic style font? You know, like slantways.
Me: Oh, you mean italic?
Client: No, I think its acrylic, please don’t correct me again. The slanty-‘i’ in word, you know. For acrylic.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
I don't think we broke 86 degrees here today. (Sat)
It was pretty humid, but overcast most of the day.
I had my breakfast and took the dogs parking. After we got back, I spent the next two hours mowing and weed eating. Then I spent some time drying out and cooling off. I did some gaming and then I took the dogs out for a walk around the neighborhood. After that I exercised, spent some time watching videos on YouTube, and a tiny bit of dozing. Then I had a sandwich, and took my shower.
Then I came here to post this thread.
After that, I take the dogs walking again. Did you know a Chihuahua will stop and do their business 3 times for every half block??
Have a happy day everyone.
joe