A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
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~Woody Allen~
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Good Clean Jokes | Part 4Best first: Little Johnny: Odd. First my parents teach me to walk and talk, and then they want me to sit down and shut up all the time.
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Mother: Eat your bread.
Child: I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread.
Mother: So you become big and strong.
Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?
Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your family.
Child: But I don’t like bread!
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A guy calls the fire department and yells excitedly: “You have to come, now, there’s a fire!”
“OK sir, but please tell us how do we get to you.”
The man asks, puzzled: “What, you don’t have them big red trucks anymore?”
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Life Hack:
If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.
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That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last second and later you realize the original answer was correct.
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Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't even any roads during the Jurassic Period!
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Hello doctor, can you look at my laptop?
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Why?
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I think it's caught a virus.
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Paul to Jane: Would you like to be my girlfriend?
Jane: That’s a bit direct. Can’t you come up with something more beautiful?
Paul: I tried, but they said no.
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The local minister sees that every morning, some apples on his tree are missing. He makes a sign:
God sees everything.
The next morning, somebody writes under it: Yes, but he’s not a snitch.
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Q: How many times could old Noah go fishing?
A: Twice. He only had 2 worms.
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What did one candle say to the other?
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A: I'll be going out tonight.
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Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.
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An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies, "there are hundreds of them!"
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How did the barber win the race?
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He took a short cut.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got back from the weather station. They said we had a really nice day today.
I thought so.
This whole week is nice. Thursday we'll be mostly sunny and 61 degrees.
I always have to check the weather before I come here to post.
Besides having something to talk about, I figured I should let everyone here know exactly what to expect in case you decide to come down here and visit me in the next few days.
I could even post my daily dining menu if you want.
Let me know, and have a happy where you are.......if you're not coming here.
joe