I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept trying to cover me up. -
~Rodney Dangerfield~
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Christmas JokesBest first: What do you call a Christmas elf with ear-muffs? Whatever you like. He won’t hear you.
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How many gifts can Santa squeeze in an empty stocking? One. It’s not empty after the first one.
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There will be no Christmas anymore. I told Santa that you have been good the whole year. He died of laughter.
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Funny how the year you stop believing in Santa is roughly the year you start getting socks and clothes for Christmas.
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Another helicopter tried to land in our garden today. I think we’re going to have to reduce our Christmas lights a bit.
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Lisa thanks her grandpa, "Thank you Grandpa for the violin you gave me last year for Christmas. I've never got such a brilliant gift!"
"Really?" asks the surprised Grandpa.
Lisa says, "Oh yeah - every time I start playing, mom gives me 2 dollars so I would stop!"
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What kind of a bike does Santa ride in his spare time? A Holly Davidson.
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An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend.
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Two women are chatting, "I took my husband to the Christmas market yesterday," says one of them.
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"And, did anyone want to buy him?" asks the other.
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Last Christmas I gave you my heart... well - that was the end of me...no one survives without a heart.
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One turkey asks another, "Do you believe in life after Christmas?"
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Sending letters to Santa up the chimney is definitely black mail.
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What did the reindeer say when he was spotted one Christmas Eve by Little Johnny?
Nothing, reindeer don’t talk.
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I heard some strange chatter from the spice cupboard mid-December. But it was just the Season’s greetings.
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This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for Christmas. I think this time we should let them in.
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Good morning everyboomie. A nuther day has snuck up on me while I was enjoying the last one.
I hate when that happens!
Wait, what am I saying? I love when that happens........don't you?
Who doesn't love getting older?
I don't mind getting older.............the alternative doesn't appeal to me at all.
I don't mind getting older, I just hate having to act my age.
My real age.............not my emotional age.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this................have a happy new day everyone.
joe