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#1171696 - 12/13/18 07:38 PM T*G*I*F
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32458
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
“The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”

~Dave Berry~

Best Christmas Jokes | Part 2

Best first:

What’s the price of Santa's sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.

What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies? Santa’s burps.

What is invisible and does NOT smell like milk and cookies? Santa’s f*rts.

Isn't it embarrassing how Santa ends up having the same wrapping paper like your mum and dad.

At Christmas, mother says to Little Johnny, "Go on and light up the Christmas tree Johnny.“

Johnny runs off happily and comes back after a while, asking, „Should I light up the candles, too“

Where would Santa hide gifts for his elves?
In his clauset.

Why should you never mess with Santa?

Because he’s got a black belt.

Fox News reported news of an unidentified flying object on Christmas Eve.
It was a U-F-ho-ho-ho.

Little girl wrote to Santa, asking him to give her a baby sister for Christmas.

Santa replied promptly, asking her to send her mother.

Where does Santa's elves deposit their wages?

In the snow bank.

Why do spies rarely enjoy the Christmas holidays?

They hate giving away their presence.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

How do we know Santa is a man?

No woman with an ounce of dignity would wear the same outfit for so many years.

Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes in Christmas wrapping paper. When your child misbehaves, toss one into the fire.

Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh?
Because huskies can’t fly.

What would you call an elf who is an excellent swimmer?

An elfin.

Walking down the street I wonder if at Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus, or of General Electric.

I heard elves love to sing when they work on children’s toys. They are very good wrappers.


Good morning everyboomie. winter

How is everyone in my favorite Joe's Diner this morning? happydance12

I'm doing good. Inside, safe, warm, and dry. grinch

All day yesterday it was overcast and kinda misty/rainy. Then at about 3:00 it got so dark I had to turn my lights on, and I knew something wicked this way cometh. eek

Then at 3:40 the storms rolled in and the sky opened up. eek12

We had torrential rain for an hour and a half.. My yard was completely under water.

I thought about going swimming but Missy just wasn't into it. razz

IT's FRIDAY!!! penguin

It's going to be wet and cold all day here, so I'll have to bide my time and dream of arrowheads gleaming in the sunshine.......the next time we have sunshine. wink

Have a happy day everyone.


Edited by gymcandy1 (12/13/18 07:39 PM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#1171697 - 12/13/18 07:56 PM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
family Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 3918
Loc: marietta,georgia
going to bridge.

#1171705 - 12/14/18 12:09 AM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 76546
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Just got home, been a long day. Only in Chicago can you caught in a traffic jam late on a Thursday night.
My nephew is here from the Philippines until Saturday.

Can't wait to start the weekend!

Have a happy day all!
Don't feed the Trolls

#1171706 - 12/14/18 12:13 AM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 28803
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Have fun Family

Weekend starts tomorrow night Ana woot

Tall coffee Gerry laugh
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

#1171709 - 12/14/18 12:36 AM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8273
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Friday Joe, family, Ana, soot and all who follow. wave12

It's Thursday night, and I'm off to sleep. I have one more long work day, and then my "vacation" time begins. happydance12

Have a terrific Friday, everyone. tree
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#1171715 - 12/14/18 05:23 AM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 23340
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family, Ana, soot, venus and everyone. Joe hope you see some sunshine today! Family enjoy your bridge game. Ana hope your Friday has a little down time! Soot a large dark Brew is ready and waiting for you! Venus look forward to your "vacation" time! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready.
tree Happy Friday everyone! tree

#1171723 - 12/14/18 07:00 AM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10662
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning, all my dinner friends. Well Christmas presents all wrapped and under the tree. presents12 Now if I could keep the Pouncer out of the tree all would be well. tree Today will be house cleaning day. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and French Toast in the NC. santadance

#1171738 - 12/14/18 10:48 AM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47869
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Rainy, Gloomy, day...but it is Skywalker's Birthday! To celebrate he is running in/out through the doggie door. He keeps coming up for a pet, and he's soaked. I dry him, and 10 minutes later he is back....soaked. Must be dancing in the rain.

Have a great one!
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#1171740 - 12/14/18 11:07 AM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2330
Loc: Switzerland
Happy Friday my gb friends, whatever you do!

For me it was physiotherapie for my foot, but the therapist couldn't do much since the sutures will come out only next Monday. So patience is my friend (NOT).

Thank you Connie and Gerry for the pastries and the hot chocolate. Exactly what I needed.

Happy Birthday Skywalker!

Hugs all around
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

#1171785 - 12/15/18 01:21 AM Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 8273
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep12
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?


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