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#841520 - 10/10/12 07:46 PM TGI Thursday
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29785
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
Clifford Stoll
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate.

The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.

The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.

So, the authorities release the drunkard as well.

Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, "WAIT!!!… Just as I thought. The rope is binding!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life Of A Government Worker

- You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"

- Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

- When workers screw up they are transferred to another office to be someone else's problem; when management screws up they are promoted.

- Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up" and "I have an opportunity for you to excel."

- Training is something spoken about but never seen.

- Vacation is something you roll over to next year.

- No travel money to do the mission, but always enough money for another useless conference.

- Change is the norm.

- Organizational direction changes every 2 or 3 years.

- The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator of a complaint.

- You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

- You can name more Government employees that used to work with you than the ones you work directly with in your current position.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.


In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Life Were Like A Computer:

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!

You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.

Seconds before the end, a bolt of lightning struck taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.

Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet
Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?!"

God chuckles, "Jesus saves."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning all of you computer afficionados, or should I say "users?". wave

Come one come all
Time to step up and have a ball

Or maybe a doughnut hole and coffee. wink

Today is the first day, of the rest of my work week. thumbsup

More importantly it's the last day of the rest of my workweek. turkey

You know that little turkey looks so good I could gobble him up. razz

I wonder what he's thinking. think

He looks entirely too happy for this time of year.

He's probably thinking, "Boy I hope I'm the one the President pardons." turkey

I know that's what I'm thinking when someone calls me a turkey. taz

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (10/10/12 07:50 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#841567 - 10/10/12 10:20 PM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63361
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, happy Friday to you! Does this mean Baby will spend the night with you?
Have a happy day!

Gail, my thoughts and prayers will be with you. hearts

My day can go a few different ways so we'll see how it unfolds.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#841569 - 10/10/12 10:21 PM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9073
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great day Boomers. smile
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#841575 - 10/10/12 10:55 PM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: Space Quest Fan]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 13908
Loc: Unionville
Hope all you boomers have a great Thursday wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#841576 - 10/10/12 10:59 PM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63361
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Same to you manxman and SpaceQ!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#841592 - 10/11/12 03:18 AM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5953
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,manxman,SpaceQ waveGail my thoughts and prayers are headed your way hearts I'll keep the coffee hot and fresh! Have a great day everyone,Gerry how are you doing? wave
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#841596 - 10/11/12 05:23 AM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6903
Loc: Greece
Good morning,have a nice day wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#841611 - 10/11/12 07:27 AM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: Haroula]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning Joe and Gameboomers! wave

Gail I wish you great success on your surgery and rapid healing.

Ana, hope your toe isn't too bad today and that you have a very good day what ever you decide to do.

Venus, it's really good to hear your friend is back for good! yay

Karen, Glad you got to go shopping, hope that was successful and hope that your chiropractor worked their magic. smile

My10, hope your plumbing problems cam be fixed quickly and cheaply. smile

3dobermans, good luck with your eye drops and hope your dogs don't feel neglected long. puppy

Looney - Hope you feel better! smile

Nan, Hope Tom isn't feeling too bad and has rapid healing.

Joe, I feel really sorry for you and Baby. I know how tough it can be to leave a loved pet and not be able to explain to them why it has to be this way.

As for myself -- Today the Internet Service guy is coming at 8:15 this morning. Then I need to walk back to Walgreen's for another prescription. I need the exercise, right? laugh I'm so glad I can go get it myself and I'm not forced to ask for help. penguin

Wishing all health and good gaming! catrub

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#841612 - 10/11/12 07:29 AM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7809
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Gail, positive thoughts and prayers on the way. angel Joe, my heart breaks for Baby and you. puppy Nan, prayers for your friend that the Chemo works quickly and he has no bad side effects from it. angel I need to go to the grocery store later to get some things to leave for Robert while we are gone. He will be staying here to take care of the pets while we are gone. He will also be closer to his work from here. The boys are back from Maryland and will be working close to home for a bit. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. Danish and Cinnamon Apple Pancakes in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#841613 - 10/11/12 07:30 AM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye, everyone. wave Quick whoosh this morning because my alarm did not go off! eek I told my boss about it, and he was very understanding; said just to get there when I got there.

I still want to get there as soon as possible, of course, so I'm off. Have a great Thursday, everyone. wave

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#841628 - 10/11/12 09:34 AM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: venus]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9147
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope that, whatever day this is in your work week, it's Fab-U-Lous!

Gail, you are in our thoughts! Big hugs and prayers going up for a routine surgery and easy healing! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#841654 - 10/11/12 11:54 AM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13274
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe only half a day of work left. May it fly so you may start your day off!! Thanks for the laughs.

Ana what fun and wonderful things do you have planned today?? Have fun!!

Space, Manxamn, Cailyn, Haroula have a wonderfully lovely day!

Sharon hope it is nice for your walk to Walgreens. Mine is about two miles, one way! But I could hop on the bus if I had to.

Connie have fun rocery shopping. That is nice that you do that and that Robert will come and house sit. Thanks for the treats!

venus happy whooooooshing!! lol

Darlene may work go smoothly for you today!

Gail thinking of you and praying that all goes well. :angels: May the Band be there with you!! HUGS!

Thank you all for the well wishes for my friend Tom!!!

wave
Nan

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#841659 - 10/11/12 12:18 PM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Good morning all, on the phone with daughter wave

How is everyone?puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#841668 - 10/11/12 12:52 PM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6903
Loc: Greece
Gail luckHugs wave hearts
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#841684 - 10/11/12 03:38 PM Re: TGI Thursday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 1887
Loc: Lexington, Texas
One of these days I'm going to ignor my routine and game as soon as I wake up. Maybe I could get some of those hard to get stopping places....or maybe not. But it would lighten up the day.

Beauty day -it's 89 oh joy- and now its softly raining -more oh joy-. On the 1st cold day I started to ache all over -now it's warmer and aches are gonegonegone. Good. Oh if this weather were winter.

Yes, I should have got Commander Button's picture yesterday -my bad. I must get rid of my land line and buy a phone. There's a phone out now that's paper thin and has games and takes a ton of pics. The problem is technology has passed me by. Muust get my son to update me on these things.

Happy day all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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