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#849243 - 11/13/12 08:52 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32198
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
"One life - a little gleam of Time between two Eternities."
Thomas Carlyle

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.

I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as fish bait.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Surfing in Nebraska.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour urine out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Funny Conversations

BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.

BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.

Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out
of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Jimmy : Mom, can I have two pieces of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.

Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.

Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.

Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I'm gonna go pass out pretty quick…………...............if I haven't already.  sleep

Did I mention what a day it was? Busy busy. shocked

I am so into going to bed early tonight.

I have been up since 3:30. tired

Now I'm starting to get excited just thinking about going to bed.  happydance

The problem is, when I get excited, my heart rate increases, and when that happens......I feel more alert......and uh... awake.  taz

Great!! Just what I need. rolleyes

I hate when that happens.

Dance anyone? happydance

Have a happy day everyone.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#849250 - 11/13/12 09:25 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15613
Loc: Massachusetts
I'll happydance with you Joe. You just made me laugh out loud. Thanks. I'm getting happier by the minute. Getting closer to my move date Sunday taz penguin broccoli YIPPEE!

Midgie hearts

Edited by Midge (11/13/12 09:25 PM)
Just do it.

#849251 - 11/13/12 09:26 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 27754
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Tomorrow is the half way point woot

To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

#849254 - 11/13/12 09:31 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75386
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, it's a day off for you today, yes? I hope it's wonderful!

Midgie, I am excited with you! I think this is a blessing for you. hearts

soot, and next week is a short week and you get more time off! woot

I have Zumba in the morning and then walk the dogs. I am still free so far, so I am enjoying it while I have it.

Have a fantastic day everyone!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#849271 - 11/13/12 10:57 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
SharonB Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 1190
Loc: Delaware, USA
Joe, rotfl thanks

Nan, I'm glad Sassy is home again. Hope he/she is ok?

Flutist, hope Moxie is ok. It's scary when a friend gets to a certain age and becomes ill... sad

Midgie I'm so excited for you! bravo Moving into a new place and even have your own laundry machines... That I envy! thumbsup

Evelyne I'm so sorry for the loss of your things and your peace of mind. frown

NiteOwl07, Melodee sounds like a real character. She must bring you so much joy. cat

Big plans for this morning. I have a doc's appt, then labwork I presume, then pharmacist appt, then bank and finally post office. Walking to all. Very difficult. Most walking I'll have done yet, if I can do it all at one time. Keeping my fingers crossed... zombie

#849273 - 11/13/12 11:00 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75386
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Sharon, you can do it! I have faith in you and think of how great you will feel when you are done. yay
Don't feed the Trolls

#849284 - 11/14/12 02:15 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning everybody,have all a
happy day happydance flowers
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#849292 - 11/14/12 03:57 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2315
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning friends wave

Nan: I'am doing a few happydance happydance! So glad that Sassy is home and cheerful again!

Bets: still praying that Moxie will get well soon.

Lotus: awwww, you just made me blush....

Joe: thank you for putting a smile on our face every day! Today though, I had to laugh out loud rotfl
Is it Baby time today? kissy

Midge: so glad everything is changing to the better for you. Can we all come help with the moving?

Hi Soot

Ana: can we have a pic of your new hair style? Happy Zumba class and dog walking and then relaxing (hopefully). kissy

Sharon: we keep our fingers crossed for you too. You go girl!

Hi Haroula: still warm temps in Greece? Have a great day.

It's another day with workmen here. Did I tell you we get a photovoltaics system on our roof? We already have two solar panels to get warm water from the sun, now we decided to install a photovoltaics system in addition, to get the energy from the sun. So from the day the system is working (should be by Friday), we will produce our own electricity, and the surplus we will sell to the electric power company.

See you in the evening again. I wish you all a great and productive day.

"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

#849294 - 11/14/12 04:06 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Gimli]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning all waveNan glad Sassy is home and doing better puppySharon like Ana said you can do it!! Bets wishing Moxie well,Midge you'll be in your new place before you know it.Evelyne,Haroula enjoy the day,coffee is ready fall
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#849297 - 11/14/12 06:12 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, we could all have a dance party this morning.

Midge, so happy for you. You'll be all settled in for Christmas.

Soot, enjoy the day!

Ana, have fun at Zumba class. Hope your freedom lasts awhile.

Sharon, good for you. You can do it!

Haroula, happy day!

Evelyne, how interesting the photovoltaics sounds.

Cailyn, here I am for coffee. Please and thank you.

Got an IEP meeting at school this morning for my youngest. Then grocery shopping today. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!

#849322 - 11/14/12 08:45 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7746
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and hope you have a terrific day Joe, Midge, soot, Ana, Sharon, Haroula, Gimli, Cailyn, Gail and all who come in after me. wave

I'm off today, but I have a busy morning/afternoon. My friend and I are going back to the new Wegmans to get some groceries, and we're going to walk around the shopping center where it's located, look in stores and have lunch. rah

As for now, I'm off to have breakfast and get ready to go. Have a great Wednesday, everyone. fall
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#849327 - 11/14/12 09:53 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: venus]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32198
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

It's a beautiful, sunny, cold morning, and I'm headed over to Mom's. happydance

My friend Shane will be over and we're going head hunting. yay

I hope you all have a super day. yes


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/14/12 09:54 AM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#849358 - 11/14/12 11:13 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47583
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

I'm hoping for a quiet laundry day today. Soot has the afternoon off, so we will be doing some playing. And some planning to nail down exact plans for next week. I'm shooting at being well enough to go. Wow, Thanksgiving got here early. Can Christmas be far behind?

Back later wave
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#849370 - 11/14/12 12:37 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe have fun head hunting!! Enjoy your time with Baby and thanks for the laughs.

Ana enjoy class and the run with the dogs!! Me and Sassy have been out twice already!! lol Must take advantage of those days without wind.

Sharon like they say in the 'Neverending Story'......Be Confident!!!! You can do it!! Good luck with the doc appointment.

Midge how nice you will be moved before Thanksgiving. happydance I am so happy for you that you found a place so fast and one that you really like!!!

wave Haroula and Cailyn have a lovely day. Cailyn have fun at the gym.

venus have fun with your friend!!

Evelyne how interesting!! I have a friend who made and designed his own solar panels. He rewired his house and let the sun do the work. lol Best part is the selling power to the power company. Have a lovely day!

Gail good luck with the meeting at school!! Have a lovely day!

L4l have fun with the laundry!! Prayers that you are feeling better every day so you may make the trip!!

Soot enjoy the afternoon off!!

No plans till taxi time.


#849378 - 11/14/12 12:55 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: auntiegram]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2315
Loc: Switzerland
Hi all, yes Nan, that is the even better part, the selling the power to the power company... lol

Had to supervise the handymen and later I was throwing clay around, so now I'am tired and ripe for the bed. First I'll eat and then I'll sleep. Tomorrow the carrier will bring my work-out device scared and so I have to really start losing weight... yes Will send a pic after it's installed (the crosstrainer).

Wishing you all a happy afternoon and a peaceful evening and for the European ones a good night. Love!

"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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